There was a time
in my life
when I never knew
where I was
I didn’t know
who I was
There was never
a mother to guide
So, I ran
Blindly I leaned
on myself
easily ignoring everyone else

Over the years
I learned not to trust
anyone in life
expect no promises kept
get no hopes up
there will be no pain
my plan for the future
was just as simple
never give yourself the chance
to let someone in,
to trust someone,
then only to get hurt
Just keep on running
never look back

Then, came a bump
in the road
I stumbled
losing my grip
on myself,
got thrown into reality
I got stopped
I met people
some held on with me
for a little while,
others just lost their grip
eventually, all disappeared
I fell

So, I just picked myself up,
dusted myself off,
started walking
jogging
running
I learned my lesson
knew my mistake
I trusted
too many people
expected too many promises,
had too much hope,
so, this time,
I just wouldn’t stop running

Yet I did, several times
I would hesitate for moments,
scanning the surroundings,
looking for someone
who was looking for me,
looking for someone
who was never there
My mind began to wonder
was I too ugly?
stupid? annoying?
Or just not good enough?

I would then, usually,
start the cycle over
constantly viewing,
constantly analyzing,
constantly running
then, I realized
maybe they
don’t have to find me
Maybe I have to find
myself
then find someone else
smile, wave,
try and actually start a conversation
just be...me


So, now I’m here,
talking to you
I’ve stopped running
I’m smiling
I’m waving
I’m trying to start
a conversation
I’m being me
So, let me introduce
myself

My name
doesn’t matter
How I look?
It doesn’t matter
what does matter
is that my mother abandoned me
when I was five
My stepmother then came in
taking her place
yet, as she was trying to grab hold
of my life,
I was pulling away
occupying myself
with things that didn’t matter

I’m here now, undistracted
trying to start fresh
trying to trust
just beginning
to understand how
to connect with others,
so, tell me,
If I can get all of this
off my chest,
if I can stop running
from my past,
then why are all of you
still jogging?