Far off in the lands of post-pandemic Pasadena
lies an unruly kingdom, the apocalyptic survivor.
A kingdom filled with unfathomable physics calculations,
narcissistic nobles, and orderly conduct.
It is here in this village of victors we meet
Our valiant savior, the only man prepared for civilization’s final hour,
A god among men, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Not a scar nor blemish can be spotted on his stern facial expression,
and his slender body gaunt and petty
alludes to the impossibility of skilled warfare.
Dutifully examining his calculations,
He waits, perched atop his burgundy throne, for the return
Of his Noble Knights -- Leonard, Howard, and Raj --
Bearing news on the condition of the outside world.
"The world is in ruins," they spoke to their high king,
"Dark elves, orcs, and giants of unparalleled strength
Roam the desolate landscape, obliterating anything in their path.
Only you, your majesty, can lead an expedition
To the shrine of Spock and return the world to its former glory."
With great haste, the king's monstrous army assembled;
None other than the great mercenary himself rode before the abductors of life.
And they marched through the ruins of what was known as the USA
Some 500 ruthless killers bent on the resurrection of the Universe's holy leader.
King Cooper rode through the lands, slashing and stabbing,
Decapitating every one of the vile creatures
Unfortunate enough to encounter our merciless maniac.
His diamond plated armor slowly morphing to dark crimson,
Now stained with the blood of the brute’s damned to Hell.
Days passed before the party arrived at the grand entrance
Of General Spock's tomb. Cooper stepped forward and spoke to his men:
"In a world such as the one we exist in today,
There is but one last hope for humanity, one last God to whom we can turn.
Imprisoned, now, in this cell forged by the Devil himself!
I alone shall enter this prison of souls,
And free our beloved leader from his eternal damnation!"
Cooper staggered down thousands of steps into the heart of the Earth.
Fires raged on all sides and screeches of punished souls echoed through the vast cavern.
Blood-soaked and sweat-stained, the wearisome king
Encroached on the gate to Spock's Hell hole tomb,
Guarded by a creature larger than any the king had faced in all his glorious years.
A serpent's body stretched the length of the cavern
topped with the head of a piranha. Its steel fangs, large as the tusks of a mammoth,
seeped with venom responsible for the death of hundreds of past warriors.
Cooper stood in awe at the sheer size of the monster.
He examined the savage beast hesitantly,
Calculating how to slay this protector of injustice. His plan of attack,
Divide and conquer. Unsheathing his grand battle-sword,
Enchanted by the high-elves of Pasadena,
He summoned his remaining courage
And charged the demon with all his might. Slashing the serpent-fiend in half,
Cooper bounded after its head and, with great force and fury,
Pierced its eye with his banisher of souls,
Now glimmering in the faint torch light with the fresh blood of his victim.
The king broke open Spock's unholy cell with one mighty blow,
And freed the leader of the human race. Upon his return to the surface
His men eagerly greet him and let out a cry of valor for the desolation
Of the unholy serpent. With leadership restored,
A war of great magnitude was conducted
Returning power back to the humans and banishing all demons --
dark elves, orcs, giants, and all --
to their rightful homelands in the pits of Hell.