“i love you, too” he repeats.

the words echo in my skull, pound against the backs of my eyes, making my vision fuzzy.

this is a dream. i pinch myself to test the theory.

he grabs my hands and interlaces his fingers with mine.

he lets go with one hand and tips my chin up to him, so that i’m forced to look at him.

tears threaten to spill down my cheeks.

i don’t want to cry,

i am not sad,

but i feel the cold drops blaze trails down my cheeks anyway.

he smiles and wipes them away with his calloused thumb.

“you love me?” i have to ask again, i have to know for sure.

“i love you.” he says this without a smile- he wants me to know he’s serious.

i draw a shaky breath and realize that this is happening.

everything i’ve ever wanted is coming true.

he leans down closer to me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

“i’m so sorry,” he whispers, tucking my hair behind my right ear.

“i should have realized…i should have been looking…” his voice hitches and i pull away from him.

“it was me, it was my fault,” i tell him, cupping his face in my hands, like i’ve pictured doing a thousand times.

i put my hands on his chest, feel the solid, sturdy, warm weight of him under my fingertips, feel my breath come faster and my heart flutter uncontrollably.

he shakes his head, pushes my hair back and cups my face, drawing me teasingly close.

we’re breathing each other’s air, drowning in mere closeness.

in this moment, everything hangs in the balance.

i don’t care about tomorrow or yesterday or 10 years from now.

if the world were to end right now,

i would die with a smile as wide and deep as the atlantic on my face.

we stay like this,

inches from each other,

for a few moments before i feel him smile, and finally,

finally,

he lightly brushes his lips against mine.

i swear to god,

sparks fly.

he pulls away a fraction and kisses my right cheek, still slightly damp from the tears,

then my left,

ever so softly,

before returning to my lips.

this time, i feel his urgency. i feel his regret and his experience and his love.

i kiss him back with everything i have.

i try to tell him how long i’ve been waiting for him,

how much he means to me,

how i never want to kiss anyone else, ever.

all i need are these lips, these hands, this person holding me here.

i never want to stop kissing him, ever.

but after an all too-short thirty seconds,

he pulls away, still gripping me tight, a blissful smile matching mine on his mouth.

the mouth that was just on my mouth, i think giddily.

“i’ve wanted to do that for years”, i tell him shyly.

he laughs and asks me for how long.

i can’t tell him for real, there’s no way i can tell him i’ve loved him for 6 years. can’t tell him how many heartsick poems i’ve written about him, how many dreams i’ve had, how many times i’ve rehearsed this happening in my head.

so all i say instead is, “a while”.

he sighs deeply and wraps a piece of my hair around his finger.

“why didn’t you tell me, then?” he asks gently,

rubbing my back, soothing muscles i didn’t even know were sore.

“i was scared. i was terrified you wouldn’t feel the same” i told him.

he tells me he didn’t see me that way,

didn’t know he could go there with me.

“we’re here now, that’s all that matters” he tells me.

he kisses me again, and i lose myself completely. i couldn’t tell you my name, my favorite color, or my address,

but i could draw a map of his lips,

basing the topography off a single kiss.

he is my sun and my moon and all the stars in my sky.