the first recall comes as a chill,
deep in my bones
like a frost over living blood

rolling and slapping
when heat melts ice and
feeling returns to old wounds already been scabbed over.

i know why i am freezing
and i know his eyes command my cold
but i am frozen in his gaze --

blue like bottoms of
oceans and rivers and lakes all solid ice

when he speaks to me with lips parted slightly
his face speckled red with chapped skin and
the tenderness i feel is so unrequited that
i think it is impossible for no one to hear the stone-cold thud
of my heart falling and hitting the ground
as he turns away without a second glance.