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He Didn't Make It.
July 25, 2013
There's nothing you can say,
nothing you can do,
when the leaves fall down.
Summer left as fast as she came
and not a word was said.
The air just echoed your name,
and the silence reigned.
Say it ain't so,
say you're not gone.
Tell me, sweet love,
you're still in my arms.
I wait for our eyes to meet.
Disappear as you will,
but return when the sun sleeps.
Save me from these haunting hours.
Not a word was said.
The air just echoed your name,
and the silence reigned.
© Elizabeth G., Marblehead, MA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 15 comments.
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Aug. 3 2013 at 10:56 am
Oh yeah, no problem, I just wanted to let you know that I had commented.
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 6:48 pm
Thank you so much, that means a lot to me.
MissExploration BRONZE said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 4:36 pm
This is one of my favorite poems I have read so far! I don't really know what the narrator is talking about, but that is what I like about this poem. I can assume and think through what the person is saying. Each person who reads this should have a different view on what it means. Amazing job!
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 7:23 pm
Wow, that is such a compliment. Thank you so much! I'm glad it came across that way.
LoonyLoopyLupin GOLD said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 4:26 pm
This poem makes me think. It's not clear to the outside reader what exactly you're talking about. That is by no means a bad thing. This is poetry, and the reader doesn't have to know everything, and the fact that you still got such a powerful feeling across while keeping the reader a little bit in the dark is beautiful. It gives this piece a delicate, mysterious mood. You managed to tell your story in a way that just about every reader can relate to in their own unique way. That's a powerful talent you've got there. :)
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 3:58 pm
Just to let you know I commented on 'the Worlds Not Ready Yet,' and 'I Don't Believe in Counting Stars.'
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 3:41 pm
Thanks a lot! I really appreciate it. Let me know if you would like any more feedback, I'd be more than happy to.
writefearless SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 11:12 am
this is awesome! i love the paradox in line, "Summer left as fast as she came" it's so clever! and also the repetition of the stanza, it added a more powerful effect. very good! :)
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 5:02 pm
Aww shucks, thank you! I am really happy you enjoyed it. You are too sweet!
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 3:07 pm
Wow. That was amazing! You had a steady rhythm, an even flow, and a touch af mystery. I loved how you incorporated the sun in the fourth stanza. Thank you for writing this!
I have no critiques to offer you for this poem. The rhythm is flawless and your imagry in beautiful. The first stanza is strong and it sets up a nice beginning for the rest of the poem. Oh! I did notice, like your last poem, that you switch between referring to "her" in second person and third person. Personally, I like this more when it's in second person. Fantastic work!
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Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard