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Forever Friends
July 29, 2011
Gone the days of corner stores
Gone the days of swings
Gone the days of pickles on pizza
Gone but not forgotten
Lost the upside-down days
Laying in your car
Lost the frozen lemonade
Lost but not forgotten
Still I sit around;
Nostalgia-driven daze
Wishing to be back there
The summer that was us
© Brandon W., Redwood City, CA
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This article has 14 comments.
ohheyyyelli SILVER said...
on Aug. 29 2011 at 3:37 pm
Thanks, that was really helpful! I'll be taking your advice. (:
Sarahhhhhhh BRONZE said...
on Aug. 29 2011 at 12:05 pm
This is really sweet :) I like how you're showing w literal examples rather than telling. The only part I would consider changing is the "gone but not forgotten" - yes, it gets your sentiment across exactly but it's also a cliche, used over and over, I think people also use it to talk about dead people. Not what you want, right? So I'd definitely re-word that, just using synonyms. You could even do, always remembered, still there, etc. Other than that, really relatable and sweet poem. I've definitely been there :]
casielynnxoxo SILVER said...
on Aug. 23 2011 at 4:36 pm
Nostalgia-driven daze
I love that! <3
I love that! <3
casielynnxoxo SILVER said...
on Aug. 23 2011 at 4:35 pm
Nostalgia-driven daze
<3 I love that.
<3 I love that.
DeusExMachina SILVER said...
on Aug. 10 2011 at 7:41 pm
nice job. very good imagery. not really my personal kind of thing, but I still liked it!
ohheyyyelli SILVER said...
on Aug. 10 2011 at 12:35 pm
That's a good idea; adding it as the last line!
HannSawyer15 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 10 2011 at 12:03 pm
Kind of reminds me of a friend I used to have... except the pickles. Lol oddly we both hated pickles. Nice poem! And I love the repetition of "Gone but not forgotten" maybe add that as a last line? Great job and keep writing! :D
PaigeStreet PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 10 2011 at 2:21 am
Song lyrics! They sing naturally.
thetruthawaits94 SILVER said...
on Aug. 9 2011 at 11:09 pm
This is cute. (Sorry to describe it in the same way as the others, but that is just the right word! :D) i would capitalize the "us". Great writing. It is fresh (if you know what i mean)!
ohheyyyelli SILVER said...
on Aug. 9 2011 at 10:20 pm
It was actually about my best friend! We were really close for a few years, and slowly started drifting. There was one summer that we felt infinite and indestructable, and that's what this poem is about. She may be the only one who fully understands it (our constant trips to the corner store, practically living at the park, mixing our two favorite foods- pickles and pizza. The night we rode in her car upside down with her sister, and ended in a pig pile with me on the bottom practically suffocating, and all of us laughing so hard we couldn't breathe or move. So many lemonade memories- the creepy lemonade truck, the stock i had in my basement that we constantly drank, the numerous times i spit it out from laughter. Pretty much that summer will always be ours, and we'll remain best friends just through that summer and our friendship. Basically, the moment is gone but it is never forgotten and we'll always be connected, and even though I've seen her merely twice since December, I still feel like I could talk to her if I needed to. I know the explanation wasn't needed and it's not as special for you as it is for us, but I just felt like sharing (:
LizzieBallerina said...
on Aug. 6 2011 at 10:50 am
Oh cute! It's like a memory for you right? It reminds me of my best friend. Good flow and good imagery. I liked it :)
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