High Five | TeenInk

High Five MAG

April 15, 2010
By aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments

“I am
So completely
Over it.”

Yeah.
Right.

They can make fun
Of me.
Argue – and who's to
Say that I
Haven't moved
On?
Apparently – them.

The ball
In the middle
Dangerous, explosive
In the middle
Between
Me
And you.

A gentle pass …
Your eyes
Snatched mine
And you
Made
The pass.
Perfect.

“Don't miss,”
We said to
Me.
I close my
Eyes,
But not
Before looking
At the ball.

Making contact,
Strong shot and
BAM.
To the back.
Of the net.

Score.

“Nice
Goal.”
Your irises are
The same colour
As your pupils
And I look.

“Thanks.”

High five.

My hand still
Feels it,
Hours later.


The author's comments:
Comments/constructive criticism greatly appreciated! If you help me, I'll help you too. :)

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This article has 6 comments.


on Feb. 2 2011 at 9:33 pm
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments
Thank you so much! :)

on Feb. 1 2011 at 9:06 pm
dolphin13 BRONZE, North St. Paul, Minnesota
1 article 0 photos 125 comments
I love it! Especially the ending. Nice Job!

on Feb. 1 2011 at 6:25 pm
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you liked the poem, and I'll confess that the last line is my absolute favourite as well. :) 

on Feb. 1 2011 at 6:05 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2216 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

This is really interesting, I love the last paragraph (?) "My hand still/Feels it,/Hours later."

It's like the lind is set in stone or something, it's such an End.

I don't know how to explain it.

I really liked your poem!! And I want to congratulate you on getting it published :)


on Jun. 12 2010 at 2:05 pm
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments
Who is to say that I haven't moved on? Apparently they are the ones who are to say I haven't moved on. Does that make more sense? I'm not that great at explaining myself. If I were to end the poem there I would be putting a different message across, one that I personally find is cliché - I wrote about the high five during the soccer game to express how even the little things make a huge impact on the protagonist. Thank you for the feedback! :)

on Jun. 11 2010 at 5:54 pm
 I didn't really get it after "apparently-them". could you explain? i actually think the poem would've been better if you just ended it there.