I had a dream last night.
There were reindeer on the roof
Despite their acrophobia.
Santa was stuck in the chimney
And Mrs. Claus was hitting him with a broom
(that she'd borrowed from her friend, the witch)
And scolding him for eating so much
And then riding a sleigh
Rather than working out.
The elves were trampling the garden
As they ran around in a frenzy
With their hands on their heads
Because they'd lost their map.
Then Santa finally fell out of the chimney
And landed on Mrs. Claus
Who fell back onto the bag of presents
While scolding him some more.
However, when Santa found out that
The cookie plate was empty
He got mad at the elf
Who'd eaten them all in his anxiety.
Mrs. Claus rolled her eyes
And picked a leftover crumb from the plate
Sticking it daintily between her lips.
After which she immediately dashed to the kitchen
Muttering something about
“Finding that recipe.”
Meanwhile, a reindeer that had been skittering nervously
Accidentally put a hole in my roof
With its heavy hooves.
Plaster and snow rained down on me
Where I sat on the stairs
Peeking through the rails.
The smallest sneeze I heaved
Sent all eyes looking my way.
Santa stopped scolding the elf to look at me.
Mrs. Claus stuck her head out the kitchen door,
A recipe card in her hand.
The elves stopped destroying my plants
Long enough to peek at me through the window.
The reindeer poked their head through the hole
They had created.
Finally, Santa snapped and said,
“This was all a dream.”
But when I woke up the next morning
My garden was no more
My recipe card was missing
The presents were squashed
There was a hole in my roof
And I heard that a few houses didn't get presents.
Thus leading me to this conclusion:
Santa's not a very thorough man