Some days, I wake up feeling numb. It’s kind of crazy. Too much  Monoamine Oxidase A makes me feel so down. They give me these pills, but I don’t get why I can’t be happy. What is wrong with me? Everyone surrounded by me is disappointed, hurt, and confused. My emotions feel like an exposed nerve on a tooth. I can only fake a smile for so long before I slip loose into a catastrophic mess. It’s a lot I can’t fix because no matter how hard I scrub, I cannot get this feeling of muck off of me. Like a dark cloud that weighs the whole world on top of me. Others, I wake up with a serotonin rush. Life feels light as a feather. I am on top of the world. I love being alive.  I have control. It doesn’t make sense. How could 8 hours of rest make me feel so changed? All my days are on this scale of good days and bad days, and recently there have been so many bad days that I’m letting everyone around me down. All I feel I’m doing is digging this dark hole deeper and deeper for myself. I'm trying everything to stop it, but I can't. But I still wake up every day.