I started out young and free didn't care about how my body appeared I liked Dora the Explorer and Strawberry Shortcake they weren't perfect versions of what you expected this girl to look like

now I skip meals and almost pass out doesn't feel like you can hear me unless I shout, I look in the mirror and I am disgusted by the rolls that sit on my hips my thighs feel like oceans vast and wide and they show all the pain I feel inside they have lines upon lines a deep shade of red old and new they reflect what's in my head

I hear girls bubbly laughter and I want to join in but I don't know if they're laughing at me so instead I put down my head and mind my own business because they don't care they don't know what goes on when I think I just want to feel free so I pick up a drink along with that drink I pick up bad habits that lead to bad thoughts and soon enough there are more lines

I miss the days when I was young and naive, I would draw on myself with marker and soon that turned to blades, but heaven forbid anybody find out because I am supposed to be the perfect daughter, the straight A student the teacher’s, pet that everybody loves, who’s always welcomed and allowed

nobody cares what I feel inside they only see my material possessions the humble home in which I abide but that's OK because if they like me, it's one more day where the bad thoughts are unlikely

I don't know why I was made this way maybe it's the times that I was sent away my mom made bad choices my dad wasn't around he was off having more kids because his first wife didn't work out domestic violence charges sent to jail, he sees his mistakes wants to send me to Yale

there is so much pressure and I can't control anything else so instead I don't eat which worsens my mental health but I'm on a streak if I eat today then I'll ruin it but I'm so hungry I guess the acid will just have to ruin my teeth one more thing that I have ruined I'm a tornado sucking everybody that I meet inside I tear them up and spit them out at least that's what my parents tell me however they tell me a lot they fill my head with lies they are like a spout it's never ending

maybe if I just end myself that I won't have to deal with my mental health I won't have to deal with the problems that my parents have caused I won't have to deal with all of my flaws things will get better they tell me but I don't believe them, and my goals? I will never achieve them

why am I not enough for you? Why am I not enough for my own Godd*** self?