You left, briskly.

In a way too quick manner for how much you claimed I meant to you.

But you didn’t leave without a trace.

You left with fingerprints and scars still on my heart

from a conversation you never had with me,

the one about why you left. 

It started with the cold shoulder,

keeping our interactions as short as possible.

Then it turned into not speaking to me or even throwing a careless glance in my direction.

It ended with you leaving with no solid reason why.

The only reason I dug up was from a once mutual friend that gave me an explanation that was supposed to make up for your absence, 

but it didn’t and it doesn’t. 

You never tried to open the door into my life again.

You left the handle alone, pristine and clean

with no interest in turning that knob.

I think that’s what hurts the worst.

You were my twin flame, my soulmate in a friend, my other half, my missing piece

and you walked out on me all because you didn’t communicate.

You didn’t believe in us the way I thought we both agreed upon. 

Now I see you in the halls with a new style that I know we would’ve raved about all day and night.

You got those shoes we always talked about, the ones that would elevate every outfit, and it did, though I can’t tell you that now. 

You glide by me with a smile that is not directed at me that I can only imagine is fake, you were in a lost world when I found you

but maybe losing me made you find your home

even though I thought that home was me. 

I see the pictures with her,

the one you claimed was a fake friend that now seems to have replaced me.

I see you have a new lunch table, but I noticed that for the first few weeks you still didn’t eat.

Now there's a lunch box in front of you everyday, but I wonder if you open it.  

I see that you always have your earbuds in

trying to jam peace of mind into your skull

to block out the thoughts right? 

I wonder how your cat is, the one I used to hold tightly.

I wonder if you are getting along with your mother now

And if you and your sister are still so close. 

Is your father still pretending?

Do you still ignore your brother at any given moment?

Did you finally get to do the performance you dreamed of?

Did the wounds ever heal?

But maybe your friends now at your lunch table ask you these things 

or maybe they have no idea.

And maybe you prefer that than having someone know every shadow and outline in your life.

Sources tell me you still wear that ring, the matching one to mine. 

The one I pawned off to my brother the first week you abandoned me because I could never wear it again the same way I did. 

 I let him decide where that memorabilia will end up. 

I couldn’t wear it with pride and promise

because even if you tried to come into my life I wouldn’t let you in because there is no way I could justify your actions,

Though I wish I could. 

You're a ghost now,

one that is too solid.

But always drifting around the halls of my brain haunting and taunting me.

It’s been months but I have not recovered, it seems harder than it did at first

and i feel as if it’ll never go away

because you were the first person to show me that kind of friendship, that kind of love.

I don’t know if it exists with anyone else

because it seemed like a once in a lifetime moment.

Because at the end of the day all it was was a moment,

a year long moment that now seems like a dream,

an hallucination that was too good to be true.

As ice freezes the baby buds, 

as spring fights back with pink and white blossoms,

as summer sizzles on fresh pavement, 

as orange, red, and green fly from the trees you will not be there,

at least not physically. 

I guess you as a ghost is better than not having you at all,

So when I'm behind the wheel, or when I lay my head down at night, or when I am alone you will be with me there, more than you are in solid form now. 

A ghost,

a whisper in the wind,

a figment of my imagination,

haunting me for forever more.