I am perfect

Shining grades

Not a single tarnish on my record 

The ivy league bound student in the front seat of every class

Seen as a delight to have

Because I am the first to ask the question

The teacher wants to hear

I embody perfection in every move

So yes I’m fine

I’m president of almost every club 

Leading my student body into tomorrow

Volunteering on the weekends and 

Filling every moment of time 

With something productive

I’m doing fine

I am the perfection I was told to be

Given a mold and instructed to fit in to it

 I scraped off all the parts 

Of me that didn’t fit inside the lines and

Squeezed into it so well 

You would think it was built just for me 

I am fine

My life is broken down 

into color coded bullet points 

In my planner

Highlighted by importance

Balanced perfectly and scheduled down to the minute

A precarious scale that determines my future 

A misstep and I could fall

But I will balance it all

So yes I’m fine

Don’t let them see the cracks in your facade

I am the Valedictorian and 

I will be perfect 

There is no or 

Only I will

Because it is my only option 

To dawn my mask 

And play my part

So no I’m not fine but I have to be

Because the alternative is to break

And if I falter someone might see

Through the act

Into who I am 

And I have been faking it for so long

I don’t know who is underneath 

All the grades and extracurriculars

I just know that i need to make the numbers on the pages look good 

Because college doesn’t care 

about who I am

And how could I live up to other people’s 

Standards when

I can’t even live up to my own

So stop asking me if I’m fine because

We both know 

I’m on the edge of insanity 

Falling off bit by bit

Because the academic validation doesn’t

Feel the same

I am alone because

No one seems to understand

And I don’t know whether I will even be enough

For those schools and all of this

Could have been for nothing

I didn’t even learn I just 

Memorized and threw away 

Recycled my essays and rephrased

I can’t keep rearranging who I am

To pack it into a nice little box

For anyone 

I am bending, breaking until 

I finally snap

But I will be fine

I am perfect-ly fine