I wish to wear purple shoes one day, perhaps once I am old. Purple shoes with pink and blue stripes zipping down the sides. Perhaps I’ll wear orange coats with chartreuse hats and peculiar glasses that are far too jaunty to be respectable. People will watch as I fly down the stair rail of bus stations holding my head high with pride. When I fall I do not hide my face in shame, I embrace the laughter with a bow. 

I wish to sip my coffee in rainy windows with a yellow purse whilst reminiscing on the bittersweet memories of childhood. 

I wish to dance when I please and pay no attention to the onlookers, watching a woman who knows nothing of her age.

I wish to leave the anxieties of my youth behind. Rather, indulge in the wonders of the life we have so miraculously found ourselves in. Break free of the constraints my mind has wrapped me in, rather tightly. 

I wish to discover the tiniest details of the world. Every corner and crevasse. Every handhold, every embrace, every glimpse of darkness and burst of light. Every kiss in the rain, every late-night card game, every smirk and toothy grin, every star gaze, every sunrise glistening on the ocean horizon. Every song, every word, every novel, and work of art. 

I wish to take the bountiful plethora of wonders earth has to offer within my mortal hands. 

To create.

I wish to laugh in the presence of others and sing with those who have not quite found the key. I want to stumble whilst I run up the mountain and when I reach the top, I want to breathe the view and see the air. The sun, crisp in the leaves admiring the vast sea of greens and blues.

I wish to know every blood-stained carpet and painful word. The heat of embarrassment and the rush of passion. The euphoria of laughter and mist of heartbreak,  rage,  fear,  joy,  peace. 

The beautiful complexities of humanity.

I wish that when I am old and gray, the world’s beatings will not falter my vision when I look into my loved one's eyes, and my broken complexion will still radiate warmth.

And when it is my time, I wish to stand before the cosmos and say, 

“I have used everything you have given me. I did not waste a second of it.” Finally, with tranquil descent, I breathe my last breath and drift away, taking my place within the stars. 

But alas, until then, I will continue to dream of purple shoes, lined with pink and blue stripes.

C. Diana Jeanne