Will you show up today?

Cold hands, shivers

Blood burning through my veins

If only I could hide my scarlet face

I never know the time of your visits

I think of everything, but I can't focus on anything.

The earth spins. So does my head.

"What if?"

My imagination makes me dizzy.

I would like to disappear, somewhere I must still exist, not here. This me is not me.

My wet eyes itch. My back hurts and my face tightens.

"They must not see," a voice inside me repeats.

With every word I write, the clock reminds me of all the seconds I'm not studying.

Sometimes I forget how to hold a pencil, how to write I don't know. Sometimes my sweaty hands shake and the words awkwardly come out, even on the paper. My mind freezes, I don't know how to read. I forget how to study.

Every day I try to do what yesterday's me was able to do. But, I am no longer that person.

Don't think about it anymore.

But, I think about it constantly.