I do not know how to be beautiful,

I was never taught how to be that,

There is no manual,

No step by step instructions,

Simply an iridescent concept,

Tauntingly out of reach,

I do not know how to be beautiful,

I was raised in a world of ideas, 

I was raised in a world of opinions,

And taught that only mine matters,

I was never taught where to find that opinion,

Or what it should feel like,

I do not know how to be beautiful,

By age 14 I had memorised my body,

Every pimple, scar, stretch mark or cellulite,

My body was a mound of flesh,

That I was told was worth it’s weight gold,

But I was never given the scale to measure that worth, 

I do not know how to be beautiful,

By age 15 I’d valued my body,

I’d weighed it with a broken scale,

I felt I was fools gold,

And only untrained eyes could see it’s value,

I still judge my body by that distorted number,

I do not know how to be beautiful,

By age 16 I’d abandoned my body,

Why polish fools gold?

I was taught the real gold was within,

it wasn’t long til I weighed inner worth by a broken scale,

That number too became distorted,

I do not know how to be beautiful,

By age 17 I’d accepted those numbers,

Attempting to polish fools gold,

In hopes someone would see it’s shine,

In hopes someone would mistake it for gold,

In hopes I’d mistake it for gold,

I do not know how to be beautiful,

I’m trying to fix the scales,

The weight of the gold doesn’t dictate it’s worth,

Gold is precious,

I hope one day all I see is gold,