mama, i grew up my whole life knowing people liked my sister better.

mama, i met boys and girls that used me to get to her.

mama, i forced myself not to cry at night because i shared a room with her.

mama, i know you never meant to do this, to make me hate myself and compare myself to her.

mama, i can’t do this, i can’t pretend i’m happy when i’m not. it hurts to smile, to laugh when all you do is push me, shove me.

mama, i have to leave, i have to figure out who i am. i’m not sure i know who i am outside of angry voices, similar siblings, and hushed whispers.

mama, i’m scared but i know i need to do this, how else will i know? will i ever get a chance after this?

mama, last week it happened. i still can’t speak up and i’m not happy yet but i think i did it. i figured out who i am.

mama, i met a girl. she feels like coming home after never knowing what it felt like. i know you would not approve but she makes me smile.

mama, she knows my sister and still chose me. she didn’t even have to think about it.

mama, this is who i was meant to be.