My greatest treasure is probably the half heart necklace I always wear around my neck. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the person that gave me that necklace. Mary. she was my everything and the only girl I have ever loved. She was the one ray of sunshine I'd had in my life and the one that kept me going. 

With her gorgeous long brown hair that trailed down her back, the much too big sweaters, and the ripped jeans she wore. She was a total nerd and always seemed to have something to show me from bugs to a new song she found that she enjoyed. She was spontaneous and adventurous and the kind of person that wouldn’t even hurt a fly. She was the kind of person who was always happy and just seeing her made my day.

The necklace was a gift to celebrate my now much hated birthday. I’d just turned fifteen and i wasn’t the happiest teenager but i wasn’t the saddest either. I’d wake up excited to see her at school as I picked an outfit I thought she’d like. I had forgotten my necklace that day and she noticed and pointed it out. I told her I was in a rush and forgot it. She just smiled and waved it off as if it was nothing. She always had such a cheerful smile it was one that you would see light up the entire room. At the end of the day I got on the bus, waving goodbye to her not knowing that would be the last time I would see her.

I woke up the next day just the same, getting ready to see her and made sure to remember the necklace so she wouldn’t nag me about it. When I got to school she was nowhere to be found. I texted her and no reply so I went to my first period normally just concerned that she was sick. I decided to text her but paused when the announcements came on just to be respectful and such. The announcements came on just like everyday, but they said something I didn’t expect. “Last night we suffered a tragic loss...Mary Wilkins took her life….we offer the family our condolences…” my hearing spaced out so that’s the only parts that I caught. I sat there stunned and people turned to me knowing that I was the closest to her. I could feel all of their eyes on me as I rose up and ran out of the classroom. I didn’t know where to go or what to do anymore.

I didn’t attend the funeral and I still regret that but I was later told that she was buried with the necklace. My other half. So I never took it off after that. I wonder what she looked like laying there in her white dress surrounded by white roses her perfect face silhouetted by more white. I wish now that I could’ve seen her just one last time laying there at peace. Maybe actually happy this time. To this day I still very rarely leave the house without that necklace. It’s hard for me to move on but I know that’s what’s best I can't live my life never forgiving her and never moving on so I’ve done both because I know that she would want me to move on. 

This wasn’t my first experience with death but probably the most traumatic for me because I had fallen so hard for her without even realizing it and before I could even find the words to express myself she slipped through my fingers into the night sky. Everything I knew I wanted was gone. Because all I really wanted was her. I was sad and angry at the world that that’s what it took for me to realize what I was feeling and I still wish I had figured it out sooner.

Would that have changed the outcome of everything? Honestly, I have no idea. Even now, two years later, I still miss my ray of sunshine I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you decide to take your life you take a piece of everybody with you and I won't ever get that piece back. I've seen how it affects more people than I thought even possible from a close friend like me all the way to a teacher. It’s honestly heartbreaking no more than that it's like someone took my heart and took a bite out of it then returned it. It’s hard to breathe sometimes while other days it's a little easier now.

In reality I think my greatest treasure was really her all along. I just wasn’t able to hold onto her the way I wanted to.