i thought i could control it

i told myself it would just be a one time thing 

once 

just to rid myself of the guilt from the past hour 

it wasn’t anything bad, right? 

one time couldn’t hurt 

but it did 

one turned to two 

then three 

then four 

then more 

it was as if it was a parasite 

always in the back of my mind 

invading my every thought 

the parasite grew

every time i did it 

taking up more space 

i knew i had a problem 

but... i didn’t 

wait, yes 

actually no 

then i knew 

if i questioned it 

it was true 

i had lost control 

to that little parasite that makes my stomach churn