You told me not to cry

You told me to suck it up and wipe the tears leaking from my eyes

With a scraped knee and a bruised heart

You told me not to come into the house with mud on my shoes

Hannah, come on, you know better

Be smart!

When I left my jacket on the bathroom floor,

Boots in the living room,

My TV still on,

When I gave you attitude for having to bring in the groceries,

Wouldn’t tell you what was wrong

Dirty dishes in the sink

You told me, you stressed and you stressed till you were blue in the face

That you were at the brink..

Of insanity.

You told me that you work all day,

Only to come home and clean up after us kids all night

I heard I had to “learn to be appreciative of what I have, because after all,

Family is all you really have”  

You asked why I had to be so unforgiving, because you were trying your hardest

You told me, hysteria reaching a crescendo and feelings be damned

But even with the guilt clawing its way inside, I slammed the door regardless

You made these problems for yourself, Hannah

Stop stressing about life

Its no ones fault but your own

But Mom and Dad I can’t help that my anxiety is caging itself around me

Really, really tight.

Sometimes I don’t listen to your advice

I hated hearing that Parents knows best

So I shut you both out

And listened to what those other voices wanted, instead

I was so wrapped up in myself

I forgot that you were the first to tell me I could

You said, “You have to believe in yourself first,”

Before anyone else would

You told me I had a soft heart, and watched as I let it get the better of me,

Watched as I let it be seized by those who were bound to break it and leave

You told me that you couldn’t fix my problems

But you would be there with me through it all

When I was self-destructive and made mistake, after mistake

You were always at the end of every phone call

When I said it feels like I’ve forgotten how to breath

You replied, “No, you haven’t,

You just needed to remember that you deserved to”

You told, you told me again and again

You were proud of all I’d done and proud of the person I am

I knew you would always support me, I just couldn’t see it for myself

But at the end of the day, I didn’t want my friends or the fun

I wanted my Parents to hold me when it got too much, nothing else

Even though those anxieties would grip me till it hurt

You held me tighter

And fought off everything that came in the way

So I guess through this whole long rant, what I trying to say

Is I’m sorry.

I love you

I appreciate you.

And you taught me to see my own worth.

You told me I could

Behind those stern talkings

I know I’ve had your love since before birth

And though you told me to suck it up when I got a cut

You’ve told me so many things

And know I realize them myself