Papa

lying on the bed

the empty mind

his hands shake

manly and scared

his mind lost in translation

from nerve to brain he loses himself

standing over him watching his fingers

tap along to an old piece of music i play:

a dying musician can still hear

i remember carving pumpkins with you

catching my first fish from the sea

dancing together to good ‘ol sinatra

and even as your body decayed,

your hugs remained just as grand

you have become a part of me i will never lose

teaching me to eat chips with applesauce

how to play the piano just right for nana

your voice still guides me through tough times

carrying on will be the biggest feat i ever accomplish

who will walk next to my father and i down the aisle

who will critique me on my music as i go through college

who will haggle my boyfriends to make sure they are okay

you won’t nana is understanding that now

as more casseroles and flowers are left on her doorstep

lost harmonies

unspoken words

the suffering I wish I never saw

these are some of the sad memories

that will not leave me