I was so used to your touch...but now it's become so foreign.

I wanted you to kiss me.

I wanted to grasp for that touch again...

but now that I realize you were toxic, it makes me sick to even imagine your lips against mine. I’ve wanted you to run your fingers through my hair again

but I know they would get tangled and I would never want you to let go,

so I cut my hair.

I wanted you to say I love you like it was a promise,

but like every childhood promise, it was broken.

Scattered and thrown all over the earth

like the smoke you breathe out of your lungs.

Just discarded.

I wanted to lay next to you,

but now I know even when I did I was laying alone.

Feelings were lost.

memories haunt my every waking hour

But you know what

I can breathe now.

It doesn’t feel like your hands are gripped around my throat

and telling me when I’m allowed to breathe.

I can finally be myself without anyone judging me...

I can finally tear away that mask I’ve been wearing for you and show my true colors.

I can be me.