This was supposed to be my new beginning.

I recognize your smirk across the room when my name is called. And I wonder if you see me. What you left.

Are you here to collect that too?

And then my mind frantically tries to stop me from throwing my steel water bottle across the room at your STUPID STUPID face.

It tells me to forgive you.

It tells me that theres nothing I can do. Much like it did back then.

Im scared. Can you tell?

Can you see my leg shaking and my hands fidgeting.

Im sweating. To be fair the classroom is VERY hot. But I’m nervous.

I don’t have to speak to you. That consoles me a little bit.

I never have to speak to you again. I don’t have to ask you why.

I don’t have to ask you to stop. I don’t have to say hello.

And then my brain says smile, but my face freezes.

I’m angry again. You don’t get to have one more smile or a laugh or a nod.

You don’t get to have any more of me that I’m not willing to give you.

Not anymore.

Not ever.