I Was Becoming Nothing | Teen Ink

I Was Becoming Nothing

May 30, 2022
By Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
148 articles 41 photos 1014 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe must be a teenage girl. So much darkness, so many stars.
--me


Becoming—

little girl, big girl

school-desk bound

ink pens clicking in my teeth;

among heart-shaped cyclamen leaves

becoming in sunlight

petal pink, leaf to root.

word by word,

I am becoming

not through escaping confusion

but abiding inside it

like confusion is my school-desk

of tattered papers

sometimes it’s all I know

ink pens click, snap,

break, and run dry

in the middle of

poems

my fingers trace old lines

and gouges and paint strains

I am by the window

and nobody’s at my door

I am ready for the girl I’m becoming

but not for the girl who became my memories—

to kill my yesterday self

to see myself in a moment’s forever

that is my dream

retrospective suicide

only the moment matters

believing myself

never split, never broken

like the unbroken birdsong

inside light-rimmed underwater trees

dripping with translucent, unreachable berries.

I am ready for the girl I’m becoming

my ink pen like a knife I wield

cutting, peeling, snipping, ripping

as I unravel

I am not tapestry

I am tangled threads and buttons

and needles

holding together, fragile, fearful

as the mature berry on the twig.

Becoming—

coming undone

all one and the same

all words are like

one.


The author's comments:

Don't be worried about me if I don't make sense. Only worry about me if I make sense.


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