Our laughter shook the bouncing train and we stumbled, swung around by a turn we’d rounded countless times. I grabbed my companion’s arms. Stepping back, I jerked my hand like I’d touched something forbidden. I pursed my lips and tried to look anywhere but at the person to which the arms belonged. I watched as the world outside the smudged plastic windows passed us in a blur of colors. The sun was setting. I could just tell by the shredded hues of orange, reflected on the buildings. “Don’t fall”, she laughed beside me. The remainder of our ride was quieter. We stayed seated awaiting our stop and the air felt colder every passing second. “This is Clark & Lake”, a disembodied voice announced as the train car began to halt to a stop. We stood and prepared to part ways as the doors slid open. Just as my mouth began to form “goodbye”, a pair of secure arms wrapped around my shoulders. “Bye! Get home safe.” And the hands abruptly unlatched. In my school, being gay was sometimes the subject of light teasing but we’d shrug it off. Her response was to march beside me as my “girlfriend”. I’d utter affectionate pet names, enjoying how her face would twist into automatic disgust. It was fine as long as I reminded myself of our heterosexuality. Slowly, I began to digest my own internalized phobias but only through a filter of straightness I’d put up for my own comfort. We weren’t gay. I wasn’t gay. I could never be. Flash forwards months, both of us were at a friend’s sleepover. I noticed that she broke off from the group, so I left to search. Pacing around the house, I wondered if it was actually acceptable for me to be doing what I was doing. We hadn't talked in a long time. It was only small exchanges of a meaningless “Hi” whenever we’d cross paths. The need to make sure she was doing alright swept away the anxiety, indecisiveness and adrenaline that held enough wattage to power one those football stadium lights. I obviously don’t have any real knowledge about wattage. In reality, that’s probably enough to electrocute myself to a shriveled crisp. Finally upstairs, I found her. Those glossy eyes pronounced the enormous room. I planned to ask if she was okay in an assuring voice, but it spilled out in a faint tamber. My only concern was to make her feel safe. We talked and the world expanded, while we floated side by side on a canopy bed. The elephant we had invited in so often, found the doorknob and disappeared when she buried her face into my shoulders. My hands found her head, gently raking through strands and I knew time wouldn’t slow down for us. It was darker now and she was fast asleep. I contemplated finding another room to sleep in, but she shifted, so I laid back and pulled the blanket over us. I began to drift away until the big assignment I’d been thinking about all day crept back into my mind. A chuckle escaped as my eyes fluttered shut. That night, I thought we needed each other.