A silent song | Teen Ink

A silent song

July 1, 2012
By Madu_Bala BRONZE, Colombo, Other
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Madu_Bala BRONZE, Colombo, Other
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
To unpathed waters, undreamed shores - Shakespeare

What can be more tragic than to feel the boundlessness of the surrounding beauty and to be able to see in it its underlying mystery... and yet to be aware of your own inability to express these large feelings… Isaak Levitan


Author's note: வாழ்வைப் பறிகொடுத்த எனது ஈழத்தமிழ் சகோதரர்களுக்காக

The sky was a shade of gold, touched faintly with pink. It was as if the fairies had thrown handful of fragrant pink flowers into the air, which had capsized and spilt honey all over.


















The grass was green and fresh, although it was evening. Honeysuckles, lavenders, poppies, and all other unnamed, colorful wild flowers grew on both sides of the footpath. Blue forget-me-nots that grew on the walls, lived up to their name, for once seen you can never be able to forget them. The footpath had reddish brown soil, filled with ripe fruits which had fallen from the overshadowing trees. Several creepers and climbers entwined themselves on the solid barks of those trees. Some of the creepers had sprouted beautiful, tiny yellow flowers.


Birds chirped and sang good bye in the top of their voices. Squirrels whisked here and there within a blink of an eye. Lizards, chameleons and so many other tiny animals lurked beneath the leafy bushes. A spider had made her web between the prim roses, which looked so prim and proper. Obviously she was waiting for some juicy fly to come along. A playful wind made a soft tune, perfectly in accord with the gurgling music of the spring. The air smelt of brown earth. The green of the grass, the gold of the sky, the brown of the soil, the cheerful colors of the flowers, the multicolored designs on the butterflies’ backs…… There were no colors left out. The goddess Flora smiled down at earth, satisfied at her success.
If you want to know where in the world was this heavenly place, I would be proud to tell you that it is the glorious Island of Viridis, my home. Small and insignificant, it has been demolished by wars and battles long ago, and is no more. But yet, my memories of this fantastic island still remain. Let me share my memory of the most inspiring person I’ve ever met, with you.







As I was saying, one fine day, in the path to the woods, by the rose shrubs, there sat three young adults.

Cupping her hands, Nadya drank water from the stream. Her braided bronze hair fell on her shoulder. She was wearing a short brown skirt and a faded yellow shirt. A bow was slung over her shoulders. “Hurry up Nadya” Cameo called impatiently “we need to get home.”
Nadya lifted her eyes which were pools of liquid gold to meet his smoky grey ones. “Do not hurry me” she said crossly.
Lifting his flute, Cameo started walking. The pockets of his jeans bulged with flowers. Akalka and Nadya followed his lead.
They had come to explore the surroundings of their new homes. Now it was time to go back.
They walked along the footpath, which winded around the green plains, and then entered the woods. As soon as they were under the shadows of the forest, the surrounding became dim and cool.
Nadya was a skilled huntress and an assertive leader. She was strong and independent. Nadya’s father had left her when she was small. All she had in the world was her mother.
The wind rustled past Cameo’s sandy curls, and whispered in his over large ears. Cameo hated his ears, he thought it had become big because of the way his elder brother, Hastiin screwed it. Cameo was an excellent musician, but Hastiin always scoffed at him, for Cameo cannot do all the heavy work that Hastiin does.
Akalka on the other hand, was the one and only daughter of their pack leader and had lost her mother, so she had been tenderly cared for. She was dressed in a pink frock and wore a necklace of rosebuds around her throat. A gold sheet of hair fell to her waist. She had light blue eyes. Akalka was true to her name, which meant “moonlight”. Nadya meant “life” and Cameo meant “ivory jewel”. It was always a miracle how the people live according to their names. So the islanders are very keen on having meaningful names.
At last the woods started thinning. The trees grew less dense. Clumps of wild grass and weeds sprung from the ground. The gold and pink of the sky had mixed together to form a shade of orange. The red sun was slowly sinking in the horizon. Everything framed against the sky, had taken a red out line. Just then, a huge clearing appeared. The grass began to turn yellow. There were lots of cottages… a little village. Smoke rose in columns, which meant the women were cooking.
“Papa” Akalka called out. The gigantic man, who had been standing in front of the grandest tent, guffawed loudly.
Spotting Cameo and Nadya, the leader’s red face broke into a smile. “How is the place? Did you go over the bridge?” he asked. “Yes Sir” Cameo said politely “we found the place magnificent” Slapping him on the shoulder, Sir Nicolaos walked in. Waving to Akalka, Nadya and Cameo parted ways in order to reach their homes.

Cameo kicked gravel on the path to his cottage. He braced himself to face his brother, as he opened the door. Hastiin was sitting on the bench, flexing his muscles. Cameo removed his shoes and walked silently as he could to the kitchen, which was separated from the hall by a white, silk curtain.
In the kitchen, Christalle, Cameo’s sister-in-law, was boiling something by the fire. The sweet smell of jaggery and cinnamon filled his nostrils. Cameo sniffed gently. Christalle turned around, a smile lit up her pale face. Her straw colored hair was tucked in a bun. Her gentle hands stopped stirring the pot, wiped itself in her apron, and turned to embrace Cameo.
Cameo liked his sister-in-law. She was sweet to him. Christalle was the only consolation for him to return home.
“Did you explore the woods?” she inquired, tilting bread loaves onto his plate. “Not the woods” Cameo said, taking a bite “we crossed the bridge, and sat for some time in the beautiful footpath” “It is beautiful” Christalle agreed, sitting beside him “When I was a little girl, my family lived here for some time. I used to go wandering with my friends”
Remembering something, Cameo put a hand into his pocket brought out slightly crushed honeysuckles. “It is for you” he said. “That is so sweet of you” Christalle said, taking the flowers. She moved swiftly and arranged those in the vase.




















The silk curtain was swiped aside by a coarse hand. Hastiin came in demanding food. With a soft smile, Christalle served him and then sat down with a plate herself.
Hastiin had sandy brown hair too, but unlike Cameo, it stuck out like a brush. He had strong hands and feet, which he was proud of.
Quickly Cameo stuffed the remaining loaves into his mouth and rose. “Had a good day?” Hastiin grunted. “Yes” Cameo kept his tone polite. He mouthed a good night to Christalle, and made his way outside.
Deftly he pulled the cushions and made his bed. Throwing his pillow and blanket, Cameo fell into bed. Pulling the sheet around him, he took his flute in his hand. Cameo ran a finger along his flute lovingly. “It has been days since I played you” he thought “never mind, I will play you tomorrow itself” With that he put it in the table and settled comfortably to sleep.

Nadya took off her bow and arrows and placed them down. A handsome woman dressed in long white dress came forward. “Mama” Nadya called, hugging her. Jarita, Nadya’s mother, resembled Nadya greatly, both physically and mentally. One could not guess her age by looking at her. She was strong and protective of her daughter. All the problems she had faced in life made her appear fierce.
Jarita placed a bowl of hot soup before her. Nadya sat cross-legged on the floor and took big hungry gulps. Jarita patiently watched her eat. Then she asked “how was the day?” “Great” Nadya answered shortly. Having finished eating, she rose. “I am very tired mama, shall I go to bed?’ Nadya asked. “Of course dear” Jarita said lovingly.
Nadya always slept outside. She spread the blanket on the grass and lay down. She put both her palms behind her head and lay looking up at the sky. There was no wind, the atmosphere was hot. There was no moon too. It was just an inky black sky, where tiny stars were sprinkled like glitter. No clouds floated, no branches moved. The night stood still, watching the world, like a haunted spirit.
But one gigantic star, in the Western sky, shone brightly, like the light of hope in the midst of sorrow. Nadya thought of wishing on it. What would she wish for? Something which she wanted very much, her father. She did not know much of her father, except that he had gone away on a ship, with some foreign men.
Jarita, who was watching her daughter, sighed deeply. She reached out to stroke Nadya, startling her as she did so. “Don’t worry about your father dear, he was a man who never needed a family. He does not deserve your love. Believe me” she said bitterly “he did you a favor by turning himself out”



Nadya did not say anything. She bit her lip. Jarita gathered herself and said in a more natural tone “now dear, pray the Goddess Artemis, and get yourself some well deserved sleep”
















Nadya closed her eyes obligingly. Sleep came to her as swift as Artemis’s arrows, unlike Jarita, who laid thinking for a long time.

The early rays of sunlight scattered through the sky, receiving a warm welcome from all living beings. The flowers tossed their heads and stretched their leaves. The dew drops clung to the grass, sad that their time to part had come so quickly. There were murmurs, tweets and hums as the animals woke each other.
Akalka squeezed her eyes. Sunlight came through the window beside her bed. Akalka stretched and got out of her puffy bed. She washed and got dressed hurriedly. She put on a long blue dress with a tied a scarf around her head.
Sir Nicoloas, who came in, beamed at his daughter. “Good morning papa” Akalka said. “In good spirits are we?” he asked cheerfully. His red, sun burnt face was alive with spirit. He wore the traditional robe of a leader, the bright colored pants and the coat, with the garland of animal’s claws to signify his power.



An old woman hurried in, holding a basket of food. “Assa” Akalka asked “will you be good enough to pack some extra food quickly? I have to meet my friends” “of course” Assa [nanny] murmured. She quickly packed more milk and porridge and handed the basket to Akalka. Grabbing it, Akalka sped off with a “good bye”.
She ran through the woods, her animal-skin slippers crashing through the grass. Leaves and fruit peels made swishing noises as she trampled over them in a hurry. At the spot where the trees grew less menacing and the grass was short and light shade of green, the place where the woods ended and the fields began, Akalka stopped, catching her breath. Nadya and Cameo were sitting there, obviously waiting for her.

Nadya looked up with hands full of grass, as Akalka began “I’m so sorry, I…I got late. But I brought food” She waved the basket.














Cameo stood up, “well then where shall we go today?”






“How about…beyond the bridge?” Nadya suggested. Cameo agreed happily.























They trampled through the fresh grass, in the opposite direction of the tent. Akalka smiled dreamily as they entered the beautiful footpath. Butterflies flapped their wings, eager to try out the flowers which looked so fresh and blooming. The newborn buds stood ready explore the vast earth. The place was blissful as ever.

They walked through it to reach the beginning of the wooden bridge. It looked unsafe but could bear forty men. A big banyan tree spread its huge hanging branches, almost hiding the entrance from view. Nadya, Cameo and Akalka carefully stepped over the tree’s roots and walked across the bridge.
Below the bridge, the river gushed swiftly and strongly. If you were caught up in the currents, you would be gone for good. The animals which drank from the river were careful to stand firmly on the bank. Tall grass and Ontario wild flowers grew by the water, their edges skimming the surface. Shiny pebbles in different shapes were visible beneath the surface.

The river started from an underground spring and journeyed through the island to reach the sea. “Pure, strong and swift water, which is never the same” thought Nadya as she walked along, “the journey of the river is very like the journey of life.”
“We are born insignificant, travel through life’s various stages, and at last reach the eternal aim of the soul, infinity.













I have long to go, so does the river. ”

Nadya remembered a song about the river… river of life. She hummed the tune under her breath.
















Hearing it Cameo smiled and put his flute on his lips. He closed his eyes and let music flood through his veins. Inspired by the tune, Nadya began singing the spiritual song, with Akalka joining in now and then.

She was caught in the currents of Cameo’s music. They forgot where they were, they forgot that they had crossed the bridge, they stopped still, listening to the sensitive music. The wild rabbits which were peeking from beneath the thick bushes forgot to hide. Cameo’s flute provoked the birds to assemble on the branches.

Nadya finished singing. She opened her eyes as cameo played the ending note. There were flutters and swishes made by the animals, like the applause of an audience tongue tied with awe.

“That was good” Akalka said with feeling. Nadya took a deep breath. Sweet scented air filled her nostrils. They were standing in the centre of Viridis, as the islanders called the place which the bridge led to.

The bank appeared yellow to the first sight, for it was covered with yellow cassias. The flowers were sunlit and sweet scented, the ground soft and green. If you walk a bit inside, you will find yourself in nature’s wild garden.
Fresh Phalaenopsis plants showered bunches of pink flowers with maroon peduncles. The petals of that flower were arranged in one side, and there was a maroon knot in the centre. The outlines of the petals were pure white. Vein like red structures were there on the petals’ surface.
Flowers hung from leafy branches like golden wedding bells. There were many unnamed wild flowers and plants. Out of those, there was a type of flower like an ice cream cone. Red and yellow spirals wound from the edge of the petal to inside the bell. Little black lines like sunflower seeds were marked on one side of the flower. A curved snake like stamen was visible.
“God is such a splendid artiste, isn’t he?” Cameo said softly.
“Splendid” Akalka agreed “everything is so beautiful, so fresh and blooming, so…Viridis” she laughed.
Cameo sat down on the ground and opened the basket of food. “First things first” he said unpacking the meal. Nadya and Akalka also sat down to eat. They ate in silence for a while.
Then Akalka said “I don’t really like this” “I thought you liked porridge” Cameo said surprised. Akalka threw him a scornful look. Nadya, who knew that Akalka’s mind was wandering somewhere else, looked at her questioningly. Akalka hurried on “This place is much more cheerful than our last residence. But yet, it is so alien. I miss the homely feeling. I don’t see why we should change our locations so often”
“I know what you mean” Cameo said gloomily “I feel restless myself. I feel as if I don’t belong anywhere”
“Which is the truth” Nadya said solemnly “we don’t belong anywhere” she turned to face Akalka “you are the leader’s daughter, don’t you know?”
“Know what?”
“The reason we have to keep travelling…for safety. Ever since the battle between the North and South clans, we have been unsafe. That is why we change locations, to make sure we don’t cross their territories”
“But the battle is over isn’t it?” Akalka asked, confused.
“The battle is over. The sufferings of the North clans have just begun. The battle of the clans is… a practical battle where justice lost and violence won”
Cameo sighed. Suddenly Akalka jumped up startling the other two. She cried “oh! I just remembered. They are holding the council today”
“Why?” Nadya asked interested.
“I don’t know” Akalka confessed “but let’s go”
Without another word, they grabbed their belongings and hurried towards home. Each of them was imagining the reason for holding the traditional council, where decisions were made. If something was to be discussed in the council, it had to be something of great importance. So what could it be this time?

Nadya’s eyes revolved around the place. All the inhabitants of their tribe had assembled together under the banyan tree. Cameo sat next to her. Sir Nicoloas sat on a chair by the tree. By his legs sat Akalka, looking uncomfortable at sitting in the centre.
Aberahama, the father of the tribe, sat on the left side of the leader. He was a monkey like man, brown and shrunk with age. His face was thoughtful. He was staring at the clouds, lost in thought, as usual.
Cato, who calculates the time and distance, sat on the right side of the leader. He had his head inclined to one side like a crow, his usual fashion. His electric blue eyes scanned the central stage with speed and accuracy.
By Nadya, sat Nyx, the youngest grandson of Aberahama. He was nearly 16, with spiky black hair and bright colored clothes. His eyes had a mysterious glitter, like gems held in darkness. He looked very much like the frisky lizard which sat on rocks and moved in series of jerks. He whispered something to Nadya, who nodded back.
By Cameo’s side sat a girl with black hair and frosty green eyes. She was wearing a short green skirt and blouse. She was scrutinizing every face with interest. Do you want to know who she is? That is none other than me …

“All assembled here” Sir Nicoloas’s voice rung strong and clear “will be curious to know the reason for this committee. I have pleasure in telling you that it is all good news. We are about to welcome a new member to our tribe” he paused. There were buzzing noises in the crowd.
A girl, a small, foreign girl was brought to the stage by the warriors. She looked about 12 or 13, the age of Akalka. Her auburn hair was tied in a pony tail. She seemed to be wearing the cultural clothes of the north clans.
“This is Alalia, a victim of the war of the languages”
It was no surprise. Once in a while people from the north would run for their lives and be rescued by our tribe. Even I am a refugee from the war. But I was brought to this tribe as a baby, so I do not have any memories of home. My mother would tell everything to me.

Tyballa, the girl who was always there for a person in need, stepped forward. She gingerly put her hands around Alalia and spoke lovingly, “tell me dear, are you alright?” There was a silence. Alalia stared silently into Tyballa’s gooseberry eyes. I noticed that there was something special about Alalia’s eyes, which were like tunnels going deep into earth. There was something…a painful magnetism that touched me.
“Don’t be shy” Tyballa coaxed. Even though Alalia was worn and tired, she looked so… magnificent that Tyballa appeared simple and dull beside her. Once again there was a silence. I was sure Alalia understood, but did not reply. Murmurs and whispers arose in the crowd, who found her rude. Tyballa did not look offended. She was just surprised. Just then Marko, the leader of the warriors came forward. He bowed before Sir Nicoloas and said sadly “she cannot answer Miss, she is dumb…”






Shock and pity crossed me. In a flash I understood why Alalia’s eyes were so powerful, because they held all her emotions, which cannot be told.
Tyballa hugged Alalia, teary eyed. Everyone felt sorry for her. Sir Nicoloas cleared his throat, gathering the attention. He looked meaningfully at Akalka’s direction, who rose at once. Akalka slipped a hand into Alalia’s and led her away. All who were under age were supposed to follow. It was the sign for the beginning of an adult discussion. Shandor usually fought saying that we were almost adults and that we needed to participate in the meeting, for we had to express our ideas too. But a day or two in the meeting, made him quiet. For adult discussion was about boring things.
We rose, trying to catch up with Akalka and Alalia. That was very difficult, for a load of kids were trying to do the same. It was a few minutes before the crowd left. The younger children played in the hot sand, while the older kids were gathered around trees. We went to the orchard which was behind the residential area.
Akalka and Alalia were sitting under the huge mango trees, which grew secluded, a bit farther off the village. Nyx had gone with Shandor, the vain, handsome boy, to climb up the guava tree. We could hear the laughter of Shandor’s group of friends, as Nadya, Cameo and I approached Alalia.

Akalka kept throwing disapproving looks at Shandor’s group, who were swinging off the branches in a dangerous way. I could say that she loathed Shandor, like anybody else, and did not like Nyx’s friendship with him. Nadya also did not like them, because she hated their bullying nature. Cameo did not like Shandor and did not care for Nyx. Alalia alone was not disturbed by anything.
She sat, leaning behind, her palms pressed to the ground, her auburn hair thrown over her left shoulder. My immediate thought at seeing her was “Poppy fairy”, a character I knew from myths. A second later I was appalled at myself. I was so absurd. Why had I thought that? She was wearing a red northern dress; a kind that started short sleeved at the shoulders, tightened around the waist in a black color, and fell to her knees in red. The material was frilly and petal shaped, black in the middle, red all over, just like a poppy flower. But most of all, I think that it was the effect she brought over me. Alalia excited me, touched me, confused me…. Like the poppy fairy, who can offer extremely high magnitude of feelings and different perspectives on life.
I put on my friendliest smile, hoping that she would like me. I was amazed when I realized how much I wanted her to like me. She thought for a moment and then reflected me. Akalka spoke to her, she introduced us. I was about to remark “how could she hear?” when Alalia nodded in reply.
I was taken aback. Catching my confusion, Nadya explained, smiling “she can decipher our words with our lip movements and facial expressions. If you turn away from her and speak she will not understand.”
“Oh” I said. I had never seen dumb people before, it was a whole new idea to me. I looked at her, not knowing what to say. Cameo asked “do you not know where you are staying?” Alalia looked questioningly at Akalka, who said “she is to stay with Fonso and Pherenice.”
Fonso is old and probably the ugliest man of the tribe. He is an African Negro, and is strong and reliable. His face is scarred and rock hard, unlike his soul, which is soft as the flesh within the prickly cactus.
Pherenice is Fonso’s young niece, who is living with him. She would just be a few years older than us. Tall, thin and with hair like a thick mass of threads, Pherenice looks like a mop.
The idea of picture perfect Alalia staying with Fonso and Pherenice made me dissatisfied. How could she fit in? I did not mean to discriminate, but Fonso had always intimidated me. Alalia should have guessed my feelings with my expressions, for she slid down to her knees and wrote something on the sand. We others bent down to read.
Everyone is the same to me
I looked at her face, ashamed. I could understand her feelings. When all your friends and family were destroyed, when you had to fit in with an alien life, no one meant anything to her. Her people, my own people were killed due to discrimination. Then how can I discriminate another person?
“What shall we do now?” asked the impatient Nadya who could not stay idle for a second. “We’ll go back to the centre of Viridis” Cameo suggested. “No” I rejected “I don’t feel like going there again” The day was cool and bright, I felt like sitting under a tree and dreaming, but of course, I wasn’t going to say that to Cameo. “Or else…we could go to the coast” Akalka said cheerfully. “which would take hours” Cameo groaned at the thought. “If we start right now, we could reach the coast by sunset” Nadya calculated “The day is very cool, perfect weather…”
“We will go” Akalka concluded. Alalia rose from her position. The enthusiasm in her dark brown eyes cured what was left of the laziness in me. I was instantly excited and eager to start.

The long sticky seeds of weeds were getting plastered to my feet. I was having trouble walking clear of those plants, for the land was practically full of them. Once in a way I had to stop and brush my skin. Cameo, Nadya, Akalka, Alalia and I were on our way to the sea. We had got the permission of the elders and chosen a straight path to the North. “That way we can find the direction easily, and it is pretty much a short cut” Nadya had said confidently. She is the unofficial leader here.
It was only an hour since we had started, yet we found ourselves wishing that we had stayed home. I trudged beside Cameo, who looked as if he was on an expedition in the land of thirst. Akalka was nodding off even as she walked. Even Nadya looked very irritated, which made us a reticent party. Only Alalia walked with an expressionless face. She had her head in the air and hardly looked at the way she was walking. But she did not have a single fall, not even a stumble.
We were walking through a barren land, with nothing except wild bushes and weeds. Several times we were scratched by thorns or got bites from tiny insects. There was not a single flower or a proper plant. Only wicked, ugly creepers and crawlers. Once I sensed something rustle the bush. I froze and clutched at Cameo’s arm. As he turned to look, a long, thin, black snake slithered past us, fast as an oil spill in a glass floor. Nadya raised her bow to kill, but I blocked her by holding her wrist with my palm. We silently let the poisonous snake pass, our toes inches away from its cold, slippery body. Even after the snake had gone, we stood frozen in our positions. Nadya broke the spell by throwing me an angry glance, for saving the viper. I stared at her coolly, knowing that she knew my point of view. I hated hunting. I could not stand to see animals being killed. I loved animals and they loved me. I was too soft, Nadya’s eyes told me. Perhaps I was.
Akalka looked green. I remembered that she was terribly afraid of snakes. I held her hand trying to comfort her. “I…I am alright” she said shakily.
We had to take a left turn now, so we had to around, which made Alalia and me lead the party. Nadya had to follow us, she did not like it. She kept trying to come front, but I kind of accidentally on purpose blocked her every attempt. I wanted to lead, I was tired of following. Finally Nadya gave up, but walked annoyingly close to me. I smiled to myself. This was one of the times when I outdid Nadya. It was Nadya who introduced me to the rest of the tribe and taught me various skills. But I had outdone Nadya in every single lesson within few months. I usually followed her, but nowadays I had begun to rebel. Don’t misunderstand me, I love Nadya more than what she cares for me; all I want to do is be myself and love her.
Alalia looked at me through the corner of her eyes, smiling playfully. I guess she knew my feelings. She half closed her eyelids and lifted them again with a nod, which meant “I agree with you”. I returned her smile. She twirled her palm in a full circle and brought her fingers together with them bent in the edge, so that the palm was hollow. It resembled the head of a snake. Then she motioned the movement of the arrow from a bow. I understood what she said, “You should have let her kill the snake”. “I don’t approve of it” I told her shortly. She shook her head. Alalia plucked a dark green leaf from a runner. She wrote something on it with her nail and allowed me to read it. In life you cannot pity them all. Fate reaches out to everyone. There should be no mercy when we fight for survival, for life does not have mercy on us.
I looked at her, thoughtful and angry. She was so small, yet she spoke like Aberahama the old man. She knows the way of life, through suffering and experience. She sounded bitter, as if she felt God himself was cruel and merciless.

Yellow light washed over the world. I hated yellow. Now the world looked as if it were dipped honey. The pink flowers rustled occasionally, showing the faint hope of a wind. It was sweltering hot. Dotted dears with artistic horns hung around eating grass. You could only watch them; they bolt if you get close. The air smelt of dried grass, which openly announced the range of heat. Mirabilis Jalapa flowers bloomed in plenty. The special quality of this plant is that different colored flowers bloom in the same plant! So it looks as if there were hundred varieties of flowers, but actually it was one plant with different flowers. The clusters of flowers looked like bouquets held to welcome us. There were red, yellow, white, pink, purple flowers attached together by green stems, the way different members of a family are bound together by love. If you look closely at the flowers you can see that out of all the petals two will be of a different color. For example the pink M.Jalapa flower would have two red petals. Same way white flowers have two purple petals; yellow flowers have two orange petals and so on. They looked like the frocks of maidens carrying different colors but same fashion trend.
I did not need to use Cato’s clock to know that it was midday, the sun told me that. There was not a single cloud to pacify the sun, we got the full blast of his fury. Tired and exhausted Akalka sat, nearly fell, in the shade of a big bush. “I cannot walk another inch” she said firmly. I sat down by her too, noticing that my knees had collapsed before I had commanded them to do so. Everybody sat, including Alalia, who looked sun burnt. When we had started everybody had predicted a cool day. Who knew that weather was capricious as the mind of man?
We were a bunch of bedraggled kids huddled together under a shade, filled with thirst and hunger. Alalia caught my arm. Her fingers were cool as … ice, unlike my warm ones. I winced slightly and looked the way she was pointing with her left hand. In the distant, I could see the outline of several banana trees.

“Banana trees…where?” Cameo sounded eager. I pointed to the north east. “Excellent” he said happily “we have our lunch”. “Bananas for lunch?!” Akalka did not sound very happy. Nadya, who could always point out the negative thing in a euphoric situation, said “Alright, but have we to walk all the way there?” This subdued everyone.
I broke the sad silence, saying “it’s okay, we will rest for a few minutes and then bolt to the banana trees”. “We will have a race” Cameo brightened us up. We all laughed in agreement. Alalia looked quite confused. Knowing that she did not understand I spoke the words moving my lips clearly “race…r-a-c-e”
Her eyes lit up. She nodded and positioned her body like that of an athlete’s ready to run. We all rose unsteadily to our feet. Nadya bellowed the signal.
We took off, forgetting for a moment that we were roasting ourselves in the hot sun, thirsty and hungry. We all were running slowly compared to our usual speed, for we did not have the energy. But we were laughing all along the way and the sun motivated us to move fast. It was fun; well…it sure gave us some confidence.
We fell as heap, in the base of a banana tree. We were really weak with laughter. We flopped on the ground and lay there for a few minutes, now under the cool fan of the huge banana leaves.
Cameo jumped to his feet. He and Nadya together thwacked the banana inflorescence with the hunting knives they always carried. A bunch of bananas enough to feed a troop of hungry monkeys fell to the ground. Unfortunately, we were worse than that.
The bananas were over within minutes, creating a mountain of banana peels before us. The fruits were juicy enough to cure our thirst too. We lay back, full and lazy. Alalia got to her feet, pulling Akalka to a standing position. “We need to go” I sighed. Cameo groaned, but got up too. Soon we were on our way, leaving the cool shade behind us.
The landscape slowly changed greener and the soil darker. “Do you know where we are heading?” Nadya announced, who had a pretty good sense of geography, unlike me, who can get lost within our residence.
“We will soon arrive at the lost kingdom of the north clans…”

I did not know. That is what hurt me. If I had known, then it would have hurt terribly, yes, but it would have been better than this.
I have heard from mother, all the glorious history of the lost kingdom of the north. I have heard of its golden age, and of the days of its downfall. I have heard and witnessed its cruel demolishment.
Here it lay before me, the remains of the smallest, proudest, happiest, richest kingdom of Viridis Island. The soil was rich red, as it was soaked in pure blood. There were no trees, not even grass, everything had been burnt down. There were only signs of buildings both sides, like a broken wall, a single window, a few bricks, something like that. I was sure that if I dig the soil with my fingers I would arrive at blood and bones. There was not a single presence in the air. It was haunted by sorrow and fear.
The saddest part was, no one was there to carry its golden memory, no one was left to speak their language they fought to defend. My mother, Alalia, and a very few who have actually lived in the kingdom are alive today. Others like me have only heard. That is what hurt me. I did not know. I don’t know my home. I cannot build up the feeling ‘this is where I belong’. If I had known this place, lived here, then it would have hurt terribly, yes, but it would have been better than this. I cannot shake off the lost voice in my head which proves to me that I find my home an alien place.
I turned to look at Alalia, and was shocked. Silent tears were streaking out of Alalia’s eyes. I knew that she wished she had died with her family. Alalia looked even more magnificent when she was lost in pain. She somehow belonged to this place more than me. She had this stubborn streak of pride that all the north clans carried. Alalia looked my way. Just looking into her eyes made my eyes watery too. I said nothing. We half ran through the war zone, silent with pain. I wished that I could forget it all and dream of the sea, like Cameo or Akalka.

I was filled with relief when we crossed the border which separated the sea from the kingdom.
The soil took a lighter shade, so did our hearts. Akalka kicked off her shoes and ran towards the sea. We could hear the sea roaring with happiness. Cameo, Alalia, Nadya and I followed Akalka.
The sand was like colored powder. The water was greenish-blue, apparently in a very good mood. The sea sent white waves to the shore, like white race horses. Some of the waves crashed to the black rocks, making a gushing fountain.
I loved the sea in all moods. The sight of the sea always filled me with fear and awe. I was always torn between the decision to wade through the water and run back to the shore. I went with Alalia to dip my feet in the water. I play with the sea, holding my feet to the waves to tickle and then run farther up the shore and try to stay out of the reach of the next wave, then again I would run back to the wave laughing. You could never say till which level the wave would rise, you had to make a wild guess, which makes my “wave chasing” game very interesting.
Akalka accidentally drank salt water, while we all had our clothes wet. We felt that it was worth going through all that trouble for this fun. The sea was magnificent; one could never tire of it.
Alalia caught my elbow. I looked at her startled. She pointed at the black rocks. I understood, we ran together towards the rocks. I noticed that she had her arm linked to mine, and kept looking at me. I again stunned myself, realizing that somehow, within a day, without much conversation, Alalia and I had become close friends.

The wind whipped my hair away from my face. I gasped as the as a spray of salt water hit me. Alalia and I were seated on a rock very close to the sea. The waves constantly kept crashing onto the rocks, often spraying us.
I found the environment very relaxing. Somehow I felt like singing in the top of my voice. My heart beat according to the rhythm of the endless waves pounding on the rocks. I thought, amused, after hundred years, when I am no more, the waves will still keep on crashing towards these rocks. For the sea, time is endless. They had the power to slow down time. When I sit here, time has stopped still.
The sound of the waves, the cries of the gulls, the scuttles of white crabs, the swaying of coconut trees, the swish of the wind…blended together and formed music. Heavenly music, which never swayed from rhythm…Melody, sweeter than ever. Maybe it was this sweet song of the sea that the sailors called the call of the mermaids.
I took a deep breath and turned to Alalia, smiling. Her face was expressionless; she was staring into the distant horizon. I followed her gaze, to see that the fiery red ball of sun was drowning into the blue sea, setting the water and sky ablaze with colorful flames. But Alalia was not admiring the sunset, she was staring beyond the horizon, as if she could see beyond the ordinary. She appeared to be the poppy fairy, even more so. I could feel the presence of magic in the air so strongly, that the prospect of Alalia being the poppy fairy did not sound silly to me.
I wondered how she felt about a silent world. How would it be? She could not hear the music of the waves, the chirping of birds, the songs of the wild, the words of a child…nothing. To her the world was silent…forever.
She did not know language, the greatest creation of mankind. Or maybe, she was too wise for language. Maybe language was not created out of man’s wit, but to balance man’s stupidity.
The trees, flowers, grass… grow in silence, the sun, moon, stars…move in silence. The animals, birds, insects…did not need language. Man needed language, for he was unable to communicate in silence.
But again, I thought, language was not merely an instrument for communication. It was art…a vast, complex, inexplicable, timeless art which no one can own or control. Alalia could not enjoy the pride of using that art.
Yet, I thought, we others will never get the chance to enjoy silence. Speech was of time, but silence was of eternity. Silence could touch souls, in a way impossible for language. So we were both gifted…in different ways.
At that incredible moment, Alalia turned to me, and smiled, this time her smile touched her eyes, touching them with light absorbed from the glowing sun. Our eyes met and for a moment, I was able to have a brief flash of her soul. I then thought, whatever comes and goes, Alalia would be a part of me…forever.

“Come on” Nadya shouted. Alalia and I clambered down from the rocks. Darkness was settling over the world as if the sky being covered by a blue-grey blanket. A cold wind blew through our sleeves, making us shiver.
“What now?” Cameo asked. I understood the urgency of the question. Somewhere along the way Nadya had made a mistake in calculating the time. We were minutes away from nightfall with no way to go back home. Nadya looked furious with herself. Akalka said timidly “I don’t think we can go home today” “Wow, what a discovery! It must have taken me a whole day to figure that out” Nadya said sarcastically. Nadya was very rude when she had her sullen fits, which was about always. Akalka flushed pink and continued “Actually I was coming up with an idea” She waited for a second and said “A few miles to the east, there reside a small group of clans, called the ‘Andarilhos’. I have been there with father. So I think I can convince their leader to give us residence for the night.”
There was a silence as we pondered the solution. Alalia clapped Akalka on the back, to all of our surprise. “Good idea Akalka” Cameo appreciated “it sure is wonderful to have a leader’s daughter as your friend” Akalka looked very pleased, unlike Nadya. “Lead the way Akalka” I hurried, noticing that the shadows were becoming darker. Akalka turned and walked up the shore, with all of us hurrying behind her.

“Here it is” Akalka said nervously. We were standing in front of a crumbling cottage, shivering with cold. Andarilhos appeared to be a very small community. A row of cottages were built in an oval shape, with only one entrance in the east. It was situated so that the fishing boats would be secured safely and easily. All the houses were of the same brown color, with a red roof. Fishing nets were tied to the poles in the front. The doors and windows were fastened tight. The houses appeared so old that I feared whether they were desolated. The leader’s house, Akalka said, was the one in the middle of the oval chain. It was slightly bigger, and had a higher roof. It was before that house, we stood.
The door opened in respond to Akalka’s knocks. A fat woman with reddish brown hair and a stumpy nose scowled at us. “Nice welcome” Cameo whispered in my ear. “Good evening ma’am” Akalka tried to disguise the tremor in her voice “I am the daughter of the western tribe leader. Please, are we welcome into the household of Sir Jibben?”
I saw a flash of surprise spring into the lady’s grey-brown eyes. She admitted us in with a grunt. We were led into a hall to sit by the fire. I sat in an old wooden antique chair. All the furniture in the hall were wooden ones. The walls were bare except for a painting depicting a ship sailing towards a glowing horizon. Somehow I felt elated every time I looked at the painting. I looked at all the delicate idols in the shelves, thinking that Sir Jibben had good taste.
Just then the door opposite to the entrance creaked open. A tall, thin man wearing a fishing suit entered the hall. He dropped himself in the armchair and kicked up a ledge to put his feet on. He had grey hair and an overlong nose. His blue-grey eyes twinkled as he looked at us. “Sir Jibben, I hope you recognize me” Akalka rose politely. His lips twitched into a smile. “Of course” he said in a voice too soft for an old man “dear Akalka, I am glad to see you and your friends. But what you doing here at this time baffles me greatly.”
“You see” Akalka and Nadya began at the same time and stopped. Quickly realizing her mistake, Akalka introduced all of us. His eyes rested at each of our face when Akalka told our names. I felt that I was going to like Sir Jibben a lot.
Just then the fat woman appeared with a tray of hot tea, bread, butter and buns. Remembering how hungry we were, we all ate dinner while Akalka related our problem.
“So immediately you thought of me” Sir Jibben said as Akalka finished,
“I am glad to announce that I will be able help you”

Martha, the fat woman, showed us our rooms. Alalia and I got to share a small bedroom, while Akalka and Nadya shared another. Martha was able to find a separate room for Cameo.
My room was small and almost bare. There was a window which Alalia and I had an unspoken agreement to keep open. The window allowed a direct view mysterious, calming sea. Moonlight flooded into the room as bright as daylight. A cool wind kept flowing into the room.
I fell into bed and held Alalia’s hand for a long time, dreaming of faraway lands that resembled the lost kingdom, while I drifted to sleep, watching the moon float on the sea of night.

As legend says, the God Apollo pushed the sun to the sky in his golden chariot. Light streamed into earth, saying “look, God has created every one equal, all living beings survive by me without any discrimination”.
I woke up, as my room had transformed into glowing chamber by sunlight. I slowly traipsed downstairs to see Alalia and Nadya seated in the hall. I reached them and placed myself on a wooden sofa. Martha seemed intent on serving porridge and fruits for breakfast. We were eating silently when Sir Jibben entered.
“Good morning” Nadya and I said together. He greeted us in return. He looked worried and tired. Cameo and Akalka came running up to the hall. Cameo landed beside me with a very cheerful “Good morning!” Sir Jibben smiled kindly. He then asked “so when do you set out?” “After breakfast” Nadya said promptly. It irritated me how she took the decision without asking the rest of us.
“Very well, I will be honored if you accept transport and security” he offered. Nadya hesitated, but Akalka cried “Thank you so much Sir Jibben”
“You are welcome” Sir Jibben replied “these are desperate times children. It is foolish to travel alone through the south clans’ territory without proper security” with that he rose to leave. So did we.

We were standing in the shore, saying a final good-bye to the sea. “Shall I play a nice little tune to cheer us up?” Cameo asked. We said yes.
He brought out his flute with a flourish like a magician’s wand. It could be also called that, for it made better magic [music] than any wand I’ve ever known. Cameo began playing a merry sea song.
Akalka and I got to our feet and danced around Cameo. In the middle Alalia too joined the dance. I was taken aback. I knew Alalia could not hear the tune, but she somehow managed to blend in with our movements. At last Cameo stopped playing. “Another one” I begged. Cameo obliged.
This time he played a quieter, lovelier tune. I recognized it as one of my personal favorites. The words meant
‘Faith is the bird which senses the light and sings when the dawn is still dark’
Somehow the words fit with my mood. The words had suddenly brought a new meaning to me. I wondered how my life had changed within a day. All at once everything started to take a different turn after I met Alalia. Subconsciously I looked at her. She was seated, her hands hugging her knees, just like me. She was staring so intently at Cameo I almost believed she could hear the music. A pang of pity shot my heart. Alalia did not know the tune nor the words of the song. She did not even know in which language it had been sung.
The wagon arranged for us came riding up the road just when Cameo was playing his ending note. The driver waited patiently till the song was over and then called out. Nadya and Akalka talked with him and then beckoned to us.
We all lifted ourselves in, me climbing in the last. Nadya was seated by the driver, Fonso. She instructed him and he nodded his head merrily. With a “Ha” from Fonso the horses neighed and launched forward.
I kept looking at the sea till it faded away. The waves suddenly seemed to be outstretched arms of the ocean reaching out to the shore in an attempt to stop me leaving, but failed. It still kept trying to reach out to me as I faded out of view. I sat back with a sigh, we were going back. …

The wagon rumbled through a shortcut to our place. I watched unfamiliar paths slip by me. Tropical red Hibiscus flowers bloomed both sides of the sandy path. The leaves were a very dark green, not the fresh green, but the dry green color. The sky had a golden split in the middle, like the pathway to heaven. One could hear nothing much than the calls of a hill swallow, the galloping sounds of the horses’ hooves and the crackling of branches under the wagon’s wheels.
Akalka, Alalia and Nadya were all asleep. Only Cameo and I were awake. We silently watched out of the cart, occasionally commenting on something. “Poor Alalia” suddenly whispered Cameo. “I know” I said. “She cannot enjoy music, the worst thing that happen to a man” For Cameo it probably was. He continued “Imagine her fate. She is the victim of the battle of the languages, and she doesn’t even know what language is”
I had never thought about that. I once more felt helpless with pain. The root cause for the clash between the north clans and south clans was language. The south clans did not want the ancient, rich, honey-sweet language of the north clans to be spread over Viridis Island. It was why they attacked. The north clans defended to save themselves from being burnt alive. Days ago, I had thought the battle was worth it. It was worth to die for our language. But now I see, it is all so silly. Sometimes, I think, our total view of life could be altered in few seconds. Was language important than a few hundred lives? An entire civilization is demolished for no reason at all. Alalia is living in fear and sorrow for no reason she could imagine.
What was her fault? Being born? If she had spoken the language of the north, then she may have at least the slightest satisfaction. But she cannot speak nor hear the language her family died to save. Her entire life is filled with questions, without answers or reasons for their absence. I leant by the edge of the wagon and inhaled deeply. I cried silently for a bit, and then closed my eyes to sleep.

I woke up as to find water drops falling on my face. It was raining. The raindrops were falling on my face as I was seated in the edge of the wagon. My heart lifted. I stretched my arms out of the wagon to embrace Mother Nature. I smiled as cool drops of water fell on my arms. The hair curls on my forehead tumbled over my eyes. I tried to feel the cold and the freshness of the passing leaves by touching them gently with my fingers. My outstretched palms appeared a pale yellow, contrasting with the surrounding.
The rain grew heavy in a few minutes. Fonso kept to the shades of the trees. I could hear him speak to Nadya about rest for lunch.
I turned my attention to the sky. A bird, I couldn’t make out what it was, was flying through the sky. It flapped its wings and glided in the wind. The bird skirted around clouds and fought with the rain drops which were being hurled at the world like steel arrows from invisible archers. As I watched, it disappeared into the grey smoky sky, flying back home, just like us. I wished it luck for the life or death battle it was facing.
I turned to find Alalia next to me. She smiled sleepily and put her head on my shoulders. I felt her hair fall on my back. Without a word I once again closed my eyes, before they had time to overflow.

That is when the disturbance came. I roused myself at the sound of heavy voices. I turned to stop Alalia from waking up, but it was too late, she was stirring. The voices floated through the wagon.
“You hold central clans, you say?” growled a south clan voice. My blood froze. I heard footsteps nearing us. I stiffened and turned to see Cameo’s face turn chalk white. Fonso came to the door. He looked worried. Behind him stood a troop of heavily armed south clans. I felt Goosebumps erupt throughout my body. The biggest of the men peeked inside the wagon. He looked at each of our face carefully. I shivered. He emitted a satisfied grunt at the sight of Akalka’s sleeping face. Cameo pressed his fingers onto my palm.
Just then Alalia woke up. I think she thought the men were a dream, for her eyes filled with hatred and anger. She dared to glare at them. I think he recognized her as a north clan, for he snarled. He yanked Alalia’s hair and tried to pull her out of the wagon. Alalia howled in pain and then fell silent as her head knocked against the wagon’s hard ceiling. I screamed. The man slapped me. My breath stopped. The world shimmered before me and then faded out of view.

I groaned. My head pounded. I felt my face sting with the odor of medicines. Someone pushed a cup of drink against my lips. A sip was enough for me to recognize it. “Valerian” I gasped. More drink was poured down my throat. A few minutes later, I felt my muscles relax. Sleep encircled me. My head ache grew less furious. I calmed down and closed my eyes again.

When I woke up again, my vision was blurred and fuzzy. I had to blink several times before the world came into view. I was covered in cold sweat. The head ache had subsided and left behind a depression. I lifted my very heavy head and tried to sit up. I stared at the face that frowned over me. With some difficulty, I recognized her. “Tita” I murmured. Tita, the healer of the central tribe… what was she doing here?
Fonso’s worried face came into view. He looked anxious. I wanted to ask a lot of questions, but I couldn’t. I took some time, collecting my thoughts. Slowly, I remembered what made me to lose consciousness. A thought struck me in the force of an electric shock. “Alalia?” I asked. There was a silence.
Now I noticed more people in the room. Nadya, Akalka, Cameo, Sir Nicoloas…almost everyone. Except… “Where is Alalia?” I repeated the question. Nobody answered. Nadya shifted uneasily. Tears were dripping from Akalka’s pale eyes. Cameo’s face was covered in bruises. Fonso was in crutches.
My heart sank. “Is she really hurt?” I whispered. “She…is somewhere safe” Tita said quietly. “Safe” I repeated. Something struck me. I remembered my mother telling me that my father was somewhere safe when I asked her about it.
It couldn’t be… I looked at the wall opposite to me. A picture of a sundial hung on it. It was crude picture. It frightened me. I asked “she isn’t…” My voice trailed off. Again I started, “She isn’t… she is…she is with us?”
Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. The silence crushed me. My heart shattered in a million pieces. I heard nothing, felt nothing. My world was collapsing. Alalia had finally crossed the borders to the lands of eternal silence…She was no more.

The days rushed over me. I stood captured in a trance. It was as if I had an iron cover around me. I could not cry, my grief was beyond tears. Sir Nicoloas was arranging a ship for the central clans to leave Viridis Island forever. He asked my opinion, I told him that Viridis Island didn’t matter to me anymore. Sir Nicoloas had refused to fight with the south clans. He had decided to move on for the safety of his people. His manner made it clear to me that the rule was “North clans are hunted by South clans. There is nothing we can do about it.”
I hated life. I had lost interest in home. I had no home. I was a refugee living in someone else’s mercy.
Alalia…Alalia…
I repeated her name to myself when I was left alone. I stood by watching helplessly, as emotions ripped past me, all which mattered to me slipped past me. I was bewildered, when life pulled me into unwanted situations. I stood dazed, as things went on their way without caring to look back. I craved to go back to the past. I hated the present and feared the future. I prayed “please let me die”
Days and months and years meant nothing to me. Beauty did not satisfy me, music did not soothe me. I was not angry, I was not sad…I was beyond the reach of emotions. I had died without dying.
My mother was worried about me. I tried to make myself interested in everyday things, to please my mother. Cameo helped me a great deal. He built up a friendship with me, which had Alalia as the main cause.
Alalia, my friend of a few days, slowly became a memory. The pain did not heal, it remained hidden. Sometimes it resurfaced, causing me to cry bitterly for a day or two. I could not bear the unfairness that happened to her. The way the south clan knocked her head had killed her. She had lost her life for no reason at all.
I feel an over powering feeling of helplessness. I feel weary and tired. I feel Alalia and speak to her, yet I know she doesn’t exist. Maybe she never existed. She lived. She was life. She is life. She is very much alive as the day we stood before the ocean. She has not gone, she lives within me.

I live in a modern town, with all the facilities one could imagine. Yet peace was a rare factor to me. I sometimes try to enjoy silence, once again learning what Alalia had taught me. I welcome silence as a purifying wave of memories that wash over me, to bring out the true me.
Alalia remained in my heart forever…as an endless song…a sad, silent song. I would dwell on the remembrance of her face and all what she went through. I would pray for the North clans, knowing that they are being discriminated and destroyed, knowing that they are suffering silently.
I try to teach myself that the world is unfair. I focus on what really matters in life. I cherish silence and sweet memories. Sometimes, a single person could change the entire definition of life. Alalia had changed mine.
To me, life is a blessing, silence is everything. It is all things dissolved into no-thing.
Silence is with me always.....as the presence of Alalia.



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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 4 comments.


on Jul. 7 2012 at 2:08 am
Madu_Bala BRONZE, Colombo, Other
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
To unpathed waters, undreamed shores - Shakespeare

What can be more tragic than to feel the boundlessness of the surrounding beauty and to be able to see in it its underlying mystery... and yet to be aware of your own inability to express these large feelings… Isaak Levitan

thanks daniel

on Jul. 7 2012 at 2:07 am
Madu_Bala BRONZE, Colombo, Other
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
To unpathed waters, undreamed shores - Shakespeare

What can be more tragic than to feel the boundlessness of the surrounding beauty and to be able to see in it its underlying mystery... and yet to be aware of your own inability to express these large feelings… Isaak Levitan

thanks

 


on Jul. 5 2012 at 8:57 pm
primepower BRONZE, North Andover, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Come he slow or come he fast it is but death that comes at last."-Sir Walter Scott "Ideas are bulletproof."- Alan Moore "I believe in Metphors. Metaphors are real." -Elliot S! Maggin "Are you the dreamer or just a part of someone else's dream?"

I like the story and it has a great overall plot and you're good with the descriptions but as others have said check for spelling.

DanielM SILVER said...
on Jul. 4 2012 at 9:05 am
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

I really like your title. I also like your storyline. I also like the first chapter. Your really good at describing and use of imagery is good. Suggestion: I would check your spelling their were a few parts where you should have capitalize a letter