Rising From Fear | Teen Ink

Rising From Fear

February 1, 2019
By kk_karina, Escondido, California
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kk_karina, Escondido, California
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Author's note:

I am hispanic/latina and I've lived in California for all my life. I've been fortunate to have two parents with legal rights to be in the United States. Even with rights we live in fear four community, for our family and friends. I remember when I was youngner and my family and I attended a march in Balboa Park in San Diego, my mom tells me we were marching for rights and all I rememer chanting was "si se puede." With the president we have today and everything he has tweeted about its made me to be an activist an to fight for what I believe in.

It was a beautiful day, birds were chirping, flowers were blooming and so was I. Never did I think everything was going to change in twenty four hours.

The day was wonderful, the sky was gorgeous blue as his eyes. Logan drove to my house and I was a bit nervous and scared for him to see how I live and how different it is from his gated community home. “Ma Logan is coming soon will you hurry to take our photo?” I asked hurryingly. “Mija where’s my phone, Nick do you have it again!” It was prom day and my mom treated it like if it was my quinceanera all over again, we went to the salon got my nails and hair done and I had the perfect lavender, flower print dress. I heard Logan’s car pull into the driveway and I could feel my stomach crunch up and making my heart beat faster and faster.

Logan has been my boyfriend since September and now its May but, every time I’m about to see him I get this feeling in my stomach like if we were going to our first date all over again. My butterflies never seemed to go away with Logan, they only became stronger as I developed my love for him. “Logan, mijo, you look very handsome,” my mom said surprisingly. Logan is a surfer and shops at the thrift store so when my mom saw him cleaned up in a suit it brought her into shock. My mom loves Logan and enjoys the many stories he shares at our barbeques that we host almost every weekend with the entire Ramos family. “Thank You Señora Ramos,” Logan said as he quickly rushed to ask for me. “Where’s Star?” “Oh you know girls there never ready on time, I bet she’s… Omg wow Mija!” I strutted out of my room as I flipped my hair and almost fell because of my high heels but know one saw, that would’ve been embarrassing. I smiled as I looked into Logan’s eyes, he was astonished. His smirk went ear to ear and he looked at me head to toe, “Wow Star you look gorgeous.” As he grabbed my hand and softly planted a kiss on it and slid the most beautiful flower on my wrist. I smiled and kissed his cheek, “Thank you, you look smoking hot babe.” Logan laughed and my mom laughed as I said that because she knows I’m never one to be serious.

“Mom I think you have enough pictures to fill up the house with, we need to go meet up with our friends so we could bring you back more pictures.” “Ha-ha mija watch one day you're going to thank me for having so many pictures around the house.” “Mom I love you, I’ll send you the pictures.” Logan walked me to his truck and opened the door for me like a gentleman that he is.

Prom was amazing it was a magical day that couldn’t have been any better. The last school dance for us and then off to college. After prom there was an after prom party. Not too exciting I was ready to go home and crash out but my best friends wanted to have a sleepover so we went to my best friend's grandma’s house that's by the beach and slept over for one of the last times before we leave.

After the sleepover I got home. I got home to chaos and worry.

Something I’ve never seemed to come to, it was strange. I didn’t know what was happening. Everyone was at my house as I see all of my uncles and aunts cars scattered around our home. I was confused because it wasn't our typical Saturday barbecues especially because it's Sunday. Everyone was arguing. I could hear them from outside when I got off Sabrina’s car. I turned around to say bye to my friends but they had already gotten out of the car to make sure I was going to enter somewhere safe. I myself wasn’t sure what I was about to walk into but in that moment I felt scared, I entered my home to see my little brother crying in my aunts arms. My heart dropped.

“Que pasa?” What's going on, I kept repeating and asking what was going on but I seemed to be invisible to the adults. My little brother ran to me and started crying like someone had died. And I really hoped that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t see my parents anywhere in sight. I was confused why my parent’s cars were here but not them. “Where’s my pa and ma?” My Aunt Jenny hugged me and said I’m sorry mija. I started to feel my heart shatter into a million pieces and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I began to cry and started to say a million things “Omg are they okay? Was it an accident? Why didn’t know one call me? Are they in the hospital?” My tia Jenny and tio Johnny told me to relax and sit down for this. I couldn’t seem to relax not knowing if my parents were okay or what was going on with them. My tio started to talk and when he said the words that everyone dreaded to say in my family I felt my heart stop.

“Mija ICE got your parents at work today.” My heart sank, I didn’t know how to react but cry and ask again a million more questions. And the only question I wanted answered is when and where can I go see my parents. “Mija it’s going to be okay.” “Mija don't you worry mama and papa are going to come back.” My tia Carmen and tio Juan said. “What do you mean they're coming back? They can’t go back to El Salvador, they haven’t lived there since they were six years old. Omg this can’t be happening. I don’t understand.” “Your older brother is on his way right now from England to be here and take care of you guys.”

At this moment all I wanted was for everyone to leave and leave me and Nick alone. I was happy to hear that my older brother was coming. Right now all I wanted was for Nick, Joany and I to be together. My phone started to ring, it’s Logan. “Hello?” “Hey babe! How was the sleepover, did you get home okay? I have crazy hangover right now.” “Hey log um...” I couldn’t respond to Logan I was filled with tears and I knew Logan could sense that through the phone. “Babe whats wrong? What happen last night?” “Logan something terrible happen, my parents got deported this morning at work.” “I'm on my way!” Logan hung up and in 10 minutes he was at my house trying to comfort me. He’s amazing. I loved everything this boy did for me. He told my family that what I wanted was to be alone with Nick and him until Joany got home. 

So for the next two hours it was just Logan, Nick and I. We were all on our laptops doing the most research on where my parents could be or what we could do to get my parents out of where they were. We heard the door open and the only other person that would open the door like that besides our parents was our older brother, Joany. Nick and I ran to the door and hugged Joany. We haven’t seen our brother in a month because he’s been in England with his fiancee meeting her parents.

Joany came with more information than we could have found. My brother was a very smart guy with a lot of knowledge I, frankly don’t know how it all fits in his head to be honest. But I was more than glad that he was home to be with us through all of this.

The next day we met with our parents lawyer. He didn’t say anything we wanted to hear. Sadly, with the president we have now nothing is easy. No matter how good of people my parents are it wasn’t good enough for America. The next day after meeting with our lawyer we had court. Logan was next to me holding my hand like if it was the last thing he’d have to do. I cried every time I turned my head to see my parents in bright orange jumpsuits that spelled out the word “Alien.” It's cruel how they treat innocent people. I was heartbroken.

The judge didn’t have any remorse for my parents and our family. He did not care that Nick was ten years old and that I was going to college or that my older brother Joany had to become our legal guardian. My parents were given no choice but to leave the country immediately. 

It was the saddest day of our lives. I never felt so hurt in my entire life. Imagine yourself having one of the best lives and then it all tumbling down in a nanosecond. It was torture and it felt like I was living in hell. I was so scared for my parents to return to somewhere they don’t even remember or for us, living on our own. We said our goodbyes, we held each other to the very last second we had together. It was the most beautiful hug I could have ever had. It wasn’t a goodbye for us more like a see you later.

Everything changed for me. I didn’t know weather to go to Humboldt State University or to stay home and take care of both of my brothers. Both of my brothers told me to continue my dreams and go to the college that I’ve always desired.

It was graduation day and I didn’t feel happy or excited. I felt depressed and just wanted to get the day over with. Joany came into my room and said he had good news. “Hey look at this.” As he showed me a picture of a really pretty home. “Wow that's gorgeous mom and dad would have loved that for you.” I was thinking that my brother was ditching us and leaving us already with his fiancee. “Look at where it is.” “It’s in Humboldt?” I was super confused. “Omg Star! We’re going to Humboldt with you! I got this house for all of us to move and live together.” “Wait what?!” “I know you were going to make the wrong decision and stay here at Palomar College and I couldn’t have let you done that. Nick was upset for leaving everything behind but he said he rather be together then separated again. So we're moving right after you graduate!”

A month later, finally moved into our new home. It felt weird. It felt like we were missing a huge part of us. And we were. We were missing our mom and dad. They sent us pictures of them exploring and being with family and they looked happy. We spoke almost every day, we cried every night on facetime. What we went through was tragic. I didn’t know we could get much closer than we already were but we sure did.

It wasn’t easy living without parents, we missed them every day and we feared for every other family that lived with the same fear as us. Even though we were citizens, we feared immigration. I hope that one day there’ll be peace and love and a president that appreciates all. As I share my story with the world in front of thousands of people hearing me, I will forever devote my time for those who need my help like I once needed it when I was seventeen years old. So today let’s march for our lives and march for those we love. Thank you for hearing my story today America. Now let’s create history! “Si se puede, si se puede!”



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