Guilty Stains | Teen Ink

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 495 comments.

on Apr. 1 2021 at 10:23 am
ZachSneller BRONZE, Wyoming, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Really like the detail, and the whole premise of the story was really good.

on Mar. 7 2019 at 4:43 pm
carson33 BRONZE, Hamilton, Montana
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:

good story

on May. 19 2017 at 11:16 am
A_Fellow_Writer SILVER, Delaware, Ohio
5 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't really suppose, do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck, just for your sole benefit? You are a very fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I am very fond of you; but you are only quite a little fellow in a wide world."

A story without Ninjas is a crappy worthless one.You can quote me on that. There, that's my poetry for the day.

on Sep. 2 2016 at 3:51 pm
Screen_name: BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 5 comments
This was a good story because it was very descriptive and showed lots of attention to detail. Nice story!

on May. 25 2016 at 1:41 pm
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
You'll get it soon.Please reply I wanna talk

on Feb. 3 2016 at 12:27 pm
jeniferramires8 SILVER, Chowchilla, California
8 articles 7 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never give up

i loved it great job

on Dec. 16 2015 at 2:42 pm
ZJcancel BRONZE, Catesville, Pennsylvania
1 article 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
''I will love you for forever and a day ''

it should be more descriptive but it was still great make more

on Nov. 13 2015 at 7:48 am
7 articles 0 photos 37 comments
i liked it very much.. keep up the good work

on Nov. 4 2015 at 2:56 pm
CiaraSpriggs15 BRONZE, Plaquemine, Louisiana
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I am a fan of mystery stories, but this one needs work. It was interesting figuring out who killed Mr. Raw. The ending should be more dramatic to leave the readers with a gasp. I enjoyed the strong beginning with the description of the detective and the crime scene. Other than the small details, it was an interesting mystery.

on Nov. 4 2015 at 10:09 am
MadisonCook BRONZE, Plaquemine, Louisiana
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I do not like this story whatsoever; the plot is choppy throughout the entire story, and it just does not flow. The ending is terrible because it had so little detail that no one can make a visual of what is happening. The ending also does not make it clear if Brown died or not.

HuntShot732 said...
on Oct. 23 2015 at 12:17 pm
HuntShot732, Thornton, Colorado
0 articles 0 photos 15 comments
Wait, did Brown just die?

on Sep. 1 2015 at 11:50 pm
Beauty2343 BRONZE, Cathedral City, California
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
FRIENDSHIP is like a candle that lights up your Heart When ever its Dark outside.

This is great, i just got to ask "Is this a novel?, or an article?" I'm new so.

on Aug. 16 2015 at 7:25 pm
CrosswordKid176 BRONZE, Brantford, Other
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
A bit halting... a great plot. Could you do something more with Young Brown; make him a little more appealing to the reader? Nice job!

on Jul. 6 2015 at 2:14 pm
MasterSun SILVER, Las Vegas, Nevada
7 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"History is written by the victors"- Winston Churchill

Good idea, but I felt it was too predictable,and good have used some more imagery. . .

on Jun. 9 2015 at 11:42 pm
Isabella Sheptak, Beaumont, Other
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
This was interesting, but kind of choppy. Try to make it flow better next time. Good plot though.

MehItWasOK said...
on May. 6 2015 at 1:59 pm
Meh. It was ok. I like the part

Paraderps said...
on Apr. 15 2015 at 3:45 pm
Paraderps, Southlake, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is nothing to fear but loss of fresh coffee." - John F. Kennedy

This is a good story, but it would be better if it had ninjas.

AJ I AM said...
on Apr. 4 2015 at 10:06 am
Thrilled by the story. A real good plot.

RiyaV. BRONZE said...
on Apr. 3 2015 at 11:45 am
RiyaV. BRONZE, Rajkot, Other
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
At this hour, lie at my mercy, all mine enemies.

yeh i had to do the same thing... and it was little boring as well..

on Mar. 5 2015 at 2:09 pm
The_Edge SILVER, Teaneck, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Wisest is he who knows he does not know."

It was ok. Next time, try to make it longer... maybe more dramatic. I have to admit though, I would never be able to come up with a title as good as yours.