Decoy | Teen Ink


March 3, 2013
By thatbloggingDirectionergirl BRONZE, Memphis, Tennessee
thatbloggingDirectionergirl BRONZE, Memphis, Tennessee
3 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” —Chuck Palahniuk

Thinking of our last day, your head and hands holding a secret.
Now you’re gone, and no light from the Emerald Coast could
withdraw this heart from its tiny circle.
Did it all work out in the end? Was it all worth it?
Lies supersede truth in all the world’s order baby, for your tiny circle.

The lights settle. It’s dim, but not dim enough for me not to notice her.
Sound waves from the amp still shift through the air, bobbing inbetween sea markers made of flesh and bone. The stage. A bottle. Can I get a sip of this?
It burns, but a good burn. The burn that cleans a dirty cut from a disastrous bike ride. The burn of a blazing fire that kills evidence in a hearth. The burn that I need to really notice her.
Criss-crossed bracelets haphazardly clutch her thin wrist. All that blonde, spinning in spirals and swirls at the ends. Just the shade of sun kissed sand on that one beach in California that I visited with the guys that one time. Not the perfect shade of brown like…
A sip taken. More fire in my throat, leading a torch toting mob to my belly.
Labium superius oris, Labium inferius oris, she’s moving them in a series of repetitive motions. What? Can you repeat that? No, no, no that would offend her and I’ve made too many mistakes tonight and I don’t want to be alone.
I’ll just call her Sunshine, since every part of her seems to radiate nervous excited energy sprinkled with cool crystals of calm. Perfect. “Nice shirt Sunshine.” It’s semi-translucent and a tad bit provocative, but what’s life without living on the edge? At least I know she won’t leave me for what’s safe.
Ah, my good friend the Burn. He’s back and better than ever. I’m feeling him. My vision’s getting blurry, but not too blurry for her.
“Hey Mathias, ready to get out of here?” That’s my mate Cash. He’s a good bloke, always been about the music. Unlike others in my past he was always too busy metering notes and matching them with lyrics to get involved and settle down. “Isolationism--- you should try it,” he’d say.
Are Warren and Blue already in the bus? Probably. They tend to retire early. I ask Sunshine if she’d like to take a chance and go on the trip of a lifetime. A smile for an answer, too obvious; but what I secretly hoped for all along in the trenches of my tattered subconscious.
One more visit from Mr. Burns (get it, Mr. Burns?) before donning a light jacket. Steps outside the door, and even Sunshine couldn’t heat up this frigid air. Unexpected. I never plan ahead or come prepared.
Sunshine’s arms are around me already, maybe divination of what’s to come? Either way, it doesn’t matter. Nothing will change the fact that I’ll be spending my night on a bus, shuttling down winding highways instead of pushing back an ivory veil.

The author's comments:
I wrote this as kind of an alternate perspective sequel to another story i wrote entitled "Tiny Circles", but that one's not that great. Hope you enjoy.

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This article has 13 comments.

on Apr. 19 2013 at 2:59 pm
ofpaintedroses GOLD, Berne, Indiana
12 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
"How long is forever?"
"Sometimes just one second."

Whimsy. Am I the only one seeing it as whimsy rather than vague?   You have a beautiful writing style.

None0 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2013 at 7:57 pm
None0 BRONZE, Bellevue, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Believe in the ideal, not the idol." - Serra

Very nice descriptions, but like everyone else said, the plot doesn't seem very clear. It's a little difficult distinguishing between what the character is feeling and what is actually happening, since the two seems to blend so much. Of course, if that's the intended effect, it's very well executed (I'm about half sure the guy is drinking some hallucinagenic, but only half).

on Apr. 18 2013 at 4:35 pm
livebeautifulx3, Whitestone, New York
0 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt

The way you present his thoughts is interesting, but it is at times not very clear. The comparisons are fantastic though :)

on Apr. 18 2013 at 10:03 am
Cutey-Beauty SILVER, Ulaanbaator, Other
6 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
Soli Deo Gloria.

Sorry, I didn't get it, but I did like you descriptions :) 

on Apr. 17 2013 at 2:56 pm
IndigoElisabeth SILVER, Woodbury, New Jersey
5 articles 1 photo 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
John 1:1

Good descriptions and details, but a bit confusing. I haven't read Tiny Circles though, so maybe I'm missing something. :D Good job!

on Mar. 21 2013 at 12:32 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

SUper good! The details were very well done and the story was interesting. I thought it was pretty good (though I times I was a bit confused). Keep on writing!! :D

on Mar. 16 2013 at 6:47 am
thankyoumrsloopner GOLD, Gastonia, North Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Going into middle or high school, you will be funny or you will be sexual." ~Tina Fey

Very descriptive. I like the use of short sentences and then longer ones - very effective. Keep up the good work!

on Mar. 15 2013 at 5:33 pm
austenite77 GOLD, Appleton, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
Die my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do

i little confusing, but i really liked it!

on Mar. 14 2013 at 7:12 pm
rachel_rr14 SILVER, Glen Allen, Virginia
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life can't ever really defeat a writer who is in love with writing, for life itself is a writer's lover until death--fascinating, cruel, lavish, warm, cold, treacherous constant."
Edna Ferber

Pretty good. Some details were confusing and some stuff was redundant, but I really liked it!!  Keep up the very good work!!! :)    P.S. Okay, read yours. :)  Can you read mine?  I will post a link on your forum.! :)

on Mar. 14 2013 at 4:33 pm
Elphabalover72, North Ridge, California
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People are going to bitch about me anyway so I might as well give them something to bitch about," Helena Bonham Carter.

wow this is so amazingly vivid and very meaningful. I love it:)

on Mar. 14 2013 at 4:07 pm
KealliiRaycene BRONZE, Sumter, South Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
So what? All writers are lunatics- Cornelia Funk

I thought it was a really great descriptive story- I loved your description of Cash, don't know why, but it really interested me. So far good, but I'd be a little clearer in the over all execution of the story :)

on Mar. 14 2013 at 3:12 pm
Apollo77 PLATINUM, Brunswick, Ohio
20 articles 0 photos 103 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”
"Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you."
-Ernest Hemingway

okay...this is slightly awesome. by slightly I mean really.I love the concept(I didn't read tiny ya) I have to say that at parts it can be really confusing, but at other parts it can be totally awesome. like when he is thinking avout hair there is a moment when you can be very vague(that one beach we went that one time and did that one thing with that peron that was kind of cool-okay that's an exageration). I was shocked to find out they were brits. that was just a shock, don't feel good or bad about it, but I think it was an unnecessary shock, maybe it is a small thing but you should put some brit-isms in the begining so that it doesn't distract from the real kicker at the end. I love the end by the way. really supurb, I love all the imagery. your style is really beautiful

kbatra SILVER said...
on Mar. 14 2013 at 6:59 am
kbatra SILVER, Needham, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Good so far... It was a little bit confusing, and I had to read it twice to fully understad it... but I liked the story so far...