The truth of how my heart and I truly feel about him | Teen Ink

The truth of how my heart and I truly feel about him

March 1, 2021
By bearlover166 BRONZE, Altoona, Wisconsin
bearlover166 BRONZE, Altoona, Wisconsin
3 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Wherever life plants you bloom with grace unknown
You're not his princess
You are your own queen
Nikita gill


Why am I so gloom? 

I thought I was over you 

*lays on the floor stares at the sky* 

I couldn’t keep loving you in the dark when it felt like we were oceans apart

You wanted one thing and I wanted another thing 

You wanted another girl and I wanted a future with you 

These two opposite things made us fall apart

And now I convince my aching heart to move on from you but the more I think the more I cant and the more I write about you the more I know I am not moved on from you 

*screams* *messes up my hair* 

I wanted it to be you no one else!!!

I loved you!!!! I can’t keep lying saying im happy and that I moved on !! Cause I am not! 

I am miserable without you!! I need you!!!

I am tired of pretending that I don’t love you cause I do!!!

*stands up*  I can’t even read a romance book because it reminds me of us! And what we didn’t actually have! This really isnt fair baby! 

Im still waiting for you to call me like an idiot but it been four months I should be moved on for good

So we are really over… 

*starts walking* I just want you is that so wrong baby…..but if you have her baby your so lucky arent you?

*sits on the grass* Because I am so in love with you baby and I don’t think that I can undo the love my heart had saved up only for you…

I had my future planned you also helped plan and set the marks but yet you just undo them behind my back 

Oh my love I still get teared up when I think or talk about you out loud to myself

I also feel sick to my aching stomach 

Oh baby I wish you didn’t cheat your way out of us if you didn’t want me you could have left would I have understood probably not but will I cry my pretty eyes out until time just stop yes I would have 

But it will be easier 

Now I had to  makes the final decision calling the calls 

Because I knew what your honesty will never be a “thing” or “leaving so my heart could heal” you cared about one thing baby and you wanna know what that is 

YOU

You pull off this scene saying you still feel a spark with me to my sister but how could you say that when you liked my sister knowing she didn’t like you and she was taken just like you where  That’s when I knew that you were lying to me about everything and you were a cheater

I didn’t want to call the end because it would hurt me too much so instead my sister did it and you were just saying stuff just to convince me to stay 

But baby besides all this I still love you 

Baby, you are still my whole world my whole galaxy 

Maybe this is a sign baby I dated lots of guys before and after you but now after the third and final time I just want to be done dating

I just want to find my forever guy 

But baby that won’t happen because I am just hooked on too you

Baby *sigh* all I have to say is thank you for the memories and breaking me to the core and teaching me that I need a guy that isnt you because he will never hurt me like you 

*sigh* I guess I learned how to stop breathing without you than learning how to breathe without you


The author's comments:

I wrote this like I was writing an email and sending it to him when I write about the last relationship I write like I'm talking to him. This how I really feel about the breakup even though that I have left because our relationship was so toxic and I was the only one putting all the effort into the relationship, ad many other things that were bad about it. 


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