Buffalo

He was a shy boy.
He never asked for much.
He never complained either.
He hid his true self, the person he knew no one would like. Ivan Brees was what people called a poster perfect kid. He had straight A’s in all of his subjects. He was even advanced in mathematics. People thought he was the type of guy who was popular and out going. He had never gotten into a fight. He got along with everyone. Nerds, geeks, the jocks, the “popular” and “non-popular” kids, everyone, you name it. He was a great brother to his 3 younger brothers. Always setting an example for them to follow.
However, in reality, which most people don’t comprehend, he wasn’t any those things.
He wasn’t a perfect child.
He had no desire to go to school and “pursue his education”.
He knew his so called “friends” weren’t actually his friends, but classmates at most.
He didn’t want younger siblings. He wanted to be the only child. He was greedy like that. He didn’t want to be the prime one who had to show his brothers from right and wrong. He didn’t want them looking at him 24/7. After his mom gave birth to his 3 brothers, he was being pushed away further and further away from his mothers loving, warm embrace.

“Ivan, Elijah, and Daniel. Come quickly, I have great news to tell you guys,” Ivan’s mother happily shouted.
Ivan looked at his brother, Elijah, who looked at the youngest, Daniel. They all looked identically. The brothers knew when their mother sounded this happy, it was one of two things: good news or bad news. As the eldest, Ivan knew their mother the best. When she was this happy…it wasn’t good news.
The brothers all found their mother in the living room, seated on “her couch.” No one dared to sit in that chair unless he was looking for a fight or an earful from her.
“So me and your father were thinking,” she looked into each of her sons’ eyes. For some reason, avoided Ivan’s eyes. “That maybe, after I finish my semester and things slow down, we could have the 4th child. You know since I have 3 boys already, I want a girl.”
Blah-blah-blah. Ivan had drowned her out because he knew what this meant for him.
Even more responsibilities.
Being pushed away even further.
He thought to himself, “Should I run a-“
“You okay, Ivan?” his mother interrupted his thoughts. Ivan looked at his mother closely. She was still the beautiful woman he always knew.
But, this time, when he looked in her eyes… he didn’t recognize her. Her eyes felt so cold. Her smile, fake. Where did his Mommy go?
“Yeah. Just fine, Mum,” and he smiled.
He smiled so fake and hard that he was afraid that someone would catch him in his act.  No one did. Holding up that smile hurt.
His heart hurt too.

Ivan was tired. The wall he had tried so hard to build was tumbling and crashing down to the ground he so wanted to be underneath.
  Ivan wasn’t feeling “himself”. All day was a wreck. He was off track and was earning many disapproving looks from his teacher. In math class, he didn’t want to solve any problems and had no interest in learning something new. ELA and American History were the same. He did nothing productive time in class, instead he decided to take a nap and dream about the countless other places he wanted to be. His teachers and classmates had noticed his behavior but thought nothing of it other than maybe he was sick. Either way, it was fine with him. That meant no attention.
The rest of the day went by the same as usual. Ivan was walking to his next class mindless thinking about if he did his homework when all of the sudden he thought, ”what happened if I died…?” He was very intrigued by this. Very curious.
Would anybody care?
Would anyone notice him missing?
  Would they cry or even care?
Would they miss me?
  All these “would” questions were popping into his head, all unanswered.
How shall I die?
Ivan thought, and thought, and thought. He had never thought about this before. How should a kid who’s tired of life end his life? Now, a 15year old should not be asking this question. Instead he should be asking, if his teacher gave homework tonight, or if so-and-so liked him.
Days go by and Ivan was still contemplating about \how his death would play out. Which no teenage kid should do.
Friday came about as an ordinary day. Dismissal time was at 2pm, which he was always grateful for. Ivan wasn’t too sure how much longer he could go on putting on such a heartbreakingly fake smile. He started to walk and daydream. He looked at the street he’s about to cross no cars.
He stepped into the road, and started to daydream maybe his mother would return to the woman he used to know. The woman who had loving, concerned honey brown eyes and would always smile at him no matter the bad things he did. Oh, how bad he missed her…
He was in the middle of the street. A blur of color zoomed towards him. All his friends were heading home and weren’t paying attention to Ivan. There was no one to push him out of the way. All Ivan saw was the blinding lights coming towards him and then complete darkness.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
“What is that noise?”, Ivan thought. He had thought it was his alarm clock and reached out his hand out in reflex to shut it off.
Instead of feeling his desktop and an alarm clock, his hands came in contact with a smooth glass texture. He opened his eyes and was blinded by how bright the lights were in this unfamiliar white room. He looked to his right and spotted what was he had supposed was his alarm clock. It was vases upon vases of flowers. Each one bigger and more extravagate than the one before.
He quickly turned his head to the left. His mom was seated on a low blue sofa, talking on the phone rather loudly for someone who knows her son is asleep.
Right off the bat, Ivan could tell his mother his was talking to the women who had no life. Ivan took the chance to better inspect the room and him. He looked at his feet. One of them had a cast that reached all the way up to his knee. He looked at his arms. With closer inspection he saw stitches and bruises that contrasted against his pale skin. He gingerly touched his forehead and scalp. There was gauze wrapped around his head and it throbbed now that he acknowledged it.
Ivan’s mother noticed he was awake and quickly shut her phone after mumbling a quick bye. She made eye contact with Ivan for what felt like the first time in a really long time.
She said, “You were in a car crash.” Just like that, short and straight to the point.
Ivan looked into his mother’s eyes for the last time. He wanted to see if his mother had changed one bit since her son almost died.
When he looked into them, however all he saw was that his mother was bored. His mom was so cold and distant. In that moment, Ivan gave up. He knew he would never have his mother back. He would never feel that love again.
Ivan noticed his chest started to hurt again. More than last time.
Ivan closed his eyes, praying for sleep to get him before his tears overcame him and swallowed him whole.
Somehow his prayers were answered. Ivan opened his eyes and it was dark all around him.
Ivan seized the moment, as he realized he was all alone. He ripped his IV’s out of his arms, despite the pain, and got out of bed slowly. He looked in the drawers beside his bed and found some hospital sweats. Slowly but very nimbly so he wouldn’t get caught, he walked out the room.
The hospital at this hour was very dark and creepy, especially this time of night. He looked to his right and saw nothing but empty hospital beds. Then he looked to his left, nothing but a nurse helping an elderly patient. Ivan walked across the hallway and found a map to help people figure out where they were going. He needed one of those for himself. He looked and saw that the staircase ahead of him lead to the roof.

Ivan took the stars one at time. He was still weak and struggling because of the cast on his foot. He finally reached the last stair case which lead to an orange door. DO NOT OPEN. ALARM WILL SOUND, Ivan read. Ivan took the chance and opened the door slowly. He closed his eyes and waited for the blaring sound of the alarm. He pictured the hospital cops coming and escorts him back to his room.
Nothing happened.
“Nice security system,” Ivan thought.
He stepped out and was hit with a blast of cool air.

Ivan walked to the end of the roof. He looked down below him and looked at the city he lived in for so long. It was terrifying yet so breathtaking at the same time. Ivan’s head was cleared of all thoughts.
No school.
No worrying about homework.
No need to think about his “friends”.
No more being watched by kids 24/7.
No more in facing his mom.
No more fake smiling.
That’s when Ivan stepped on the ledge of the roof and spread his arms as if he was about to take flight.
He leaned forward and flew.

“Finally, I’ll be able to smile and fly freely…”

THE END