Bang | Teen Ink

Bang

December 16, 2008
By Anonymous

He walked along by himself, never considering that something could go wrong. The day had been too good, too perfect. Everything had gone along without a hitch. The raid had brought down nearly thirty of their targets and had given due support to the cause.

His cell phone began to buzz in his pocket and he drew it out. An unknown caller. With his thumb he flicked it open. “Go.”

There was a laugh on the other end. “Always so serious, Eagle.”

The man continued walking, his brows drawing together in sudden confusion. “Who is this? How did you get this number?”

“You should ask Fox. Or…wait. You won’t be able to. Most people have trouble talking from the grave.”

He continued to walk, though his hand grew shaky. “That’s a lie. I just saw Fox a moment ago.”

“A lot can happen in ‘just a moment’, Eagle. It only took you a moment to arrest my employers.”

“So that’s what this is about. You want to take revenge on me for what I did today? Good luck. The best have all tried and failed.” He couldn’t help but laugh to himself in pride.

“Want? Oh, I don’t just want revenge, Eagle. I’m going to take it as slowly as I can.”

“What are you…?” His words cut out when a gunshot rang out in the street. With his free hand he touched his chest. It was warm, wet. The air took on a coppery tang. His hand folded around the phone and he pocketed it again before taking off at a run.

Another gunshot rang out and he lost the use of his right arm. The next made his strong left leg into a weak club. “Almost there,” he panted, looking ahead to the car he had waiting. Bulletproof glass. Armored sides. Safety.

There were more gunshots, but none of the shots made contact. “What the hell is going on?” He slipped his key into the switch and turned it, nervously shaking but inwardly smug that he had evaded the assassin.

And it was the last thought that he had as the bomb beneath his seat went off.

The author's comments:
Paul B. is an author of many thoughts and genres, but a soft spot is kept in his heart for quick, gritty action. This was originally written for a flash fiction assignment and became one of his favorite pieces.

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This article has 4 comments.


sonJaNae said...
on Dec. 11 2011 at 9:30 pm
sonJaNae, Fort Wainwright, Alaska
0 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No one can change a person, but someone can be a person's reason to change" -Spongebob Squarepants

Really Nice!!! A mix of things that kept me on edge! I loved it :D It would be great if you could check out my work! Any comments or ratings would be very appreciated!!

on Apr. 13 2011 at 8:39 am
ShattererofWorlds BRONZE, Swampscott, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments
i really like this piece, but i think it would heighten the tension if your main character hadn't taken so many bullets. maybe just the first one. it seems weird that he takes three bullets and lives until his car blows up. just a thought.

on Apr. 14 2009 at 10:28 pm
WillowLightfoot BRONZE, Nevada, Iowa
3 articles 10 photos 38 comments
*nods* I like this. Suspense, leading onto an abrupt ending that you both expect and are surprised by. Seems like an excellent prologue to a longer story.

ChubbsMcgee said...
on Dec. 31 2008 at 8:11 pm
Good job man, this is very good. i would leve to hear more about this guy. Reminds me of someone i think about alot for a story... u know minus the dead part :P