Back Flip: Chapter 1 | Teen Ink

Back Flip: Chapter 1

May 1, 2010
By Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments

My toes were on the edge of the board, my breathing steady. I felt everyone's eyes on me, particularly his eyes. His as in the Eric Allen, only the hottest, sweetest guy in the neighborhood. I bent my knees and the world spun around me as I flipped backwards. I was smiling as I slid out of the pool. I had done it, a back flip. I had always been to scared, but I had finally done it. And in front of Eric. THE Eric. My heart fluttered as he caught my eye and smiled. He had just looked at me. Oh. My. God.
My best friend Jasmine ran to my side as I stood up. “That was amazing! You were so good.” Then she whispered, “And Eric was soo watching.”
I grinned back. “Yesss.” I whispered back to her. I gave Eric a last look and we walked towards the snack bar. We both got slushies and started our daily boy talk as we sat on beach chairs in the sun.
“Eric soo likes you! You should have seen him. I swear he almost applauded when you did that flip. He was smiling soo much.” Jasmine chided. I smiled at her as I pulled a lip gloss out of my bag and reapplied it, just in case Eric looked over. Then, Jasmine’s phone buzzed. She opened the flip top.
“Who is it from?” I asked curiously, leaning over.
“Jake…” She answered, referring to her boyfriend of almost 5 months. Finally she finished texting and set her phone down. “When you and Eric get together, we can totally double date!” Her brown eyes danced.
“You think so? That would be amazing.” I sighed longingly, looking towards the cloudless sky. We talked some more about boys, then plans for the next week. We weren’t even thinking about school.
An hour later we were walking towards our neighborhood. I skipped ahead, humming my favorite song. I turned towards Jasmine. She had a towel draped over her shoulders, and her long brunette locks, damp from swimming, cascaded around her shoulders. She looked like she didn’t have a care in the world, and at that moment, I didn’t either. The day couldn’t be any better, and even though school was going to start in a few weeks, we weren’t even looking towards 9th grade yet.
“Omigod!” She squealed as I walked again and she fell into step beside me, “I can’t wait till you go out with Eric. He is soo going to ask you out.”
“I really hope so! I really like him. So, pool again tomorrow?” I asked.
We talked until we split our separate ways to our houses. We never ran out of things to talk about. A summer breeze began to blow, ruffling my hair. I closed my eyes. This day couldn’t get any better. I hummed to myself, thinking about how amazing this summer was. No stress, just fun. I felt like skipping and twirling like those perfect models did in the TV ads. I would throw my head back and my strawberry blond locks would fan around me. I smiled at the thought of being so eccentric, but I knew that was still something I would do.
I finally walked up my gray stone pathway towards my house, I saw my parents sitting together on the porch, a paper in my dads hand. The were mumbling to each other. When they saw me and stern looks crossed their faces. My heart sank. Report cards were supposed to come this week, and I knew I hadn’t done so hot on the last quarter. My parents had sworn there would be consequences if I didn’t pull my grades up bigtime in the last quarter.
“Hallie,” My dad grumbled as I stepped on to the porch, and then handed me the paper. “Please explain this to us.”
He shoved the paper at me and I took it. It was, of course, my report card. I felt like shredding it up and running to my room, but my eyes scanned the paper instead. My lip trembled as I read:

Hallie Richey, Grade 8
U.S. History 8
C
English 8

B


Algebra

C
Art 8


A
French 2AB

D
Science 8

B
Physical Education A
Media 8

B

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. I suddenly wished I had worked a little harder at school and not as much on art, which was my real passion. But it still could have waited. I search for words but none came. I looked into my parents eyes, and they gazed back with anger. There was no sympathy in their eyes. My throat felt dry.
“Your report card includes practically has half the alphabet, Hal.” My dad finally said, his voice gruff with anger.“Apparently you couldn’t take our warning that you had to focus more on your studies, could you?” I didn’t blame him for being mad. I had never gotten a D before. I tried to explain.
“Mademoiselle Lim just hates me. I’m no good at French. And you know math is hard for me. And… I guess I lost focus because of my… art.” I confessed, tears welling up in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I finally muttered.
“Well, we told you there would be consequences if this happened, and there will be.” My dad continued, not even listening to my argument, “Hallie, were sending you to boarding school.”
He kept talking, but I didn’t hear him. On impulse I flung my bags against the wall and ran. I ran out of my yard and down the street. Tears fell down my cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. Not like this. But it was. I had done badly in school and my parents were strict about those things. I should have listened. But I didn’t. After running for blocks, I finally saw a familiar house. Jasmine’s. I knocked on the door, and when she opened it I fell into her arms.
“Jas” I sobbed, “Its horrible. My grades. They were horrible. And my parents are really mad… and… and…” I tried to breath, but I couldn’t. I gasped for breaths
“Hallie, what happened? Its okay. Whatever happened its going to be okay. Just tell me what happened.” She cooed.
Finally I was able to put together a sentence. “My parents are sending me to boarding school because of my grades.”
There was a silence, and I sobbed more. Finally, Jasmine spoke, “Your parents are probably just angry. Once they cool down they will see how irrational they will being to you. Just talk to them.”
I nodded, but I knew it wasn’t true. There minds were made up. It wasn’t a threat that my dad had thought off the top of his head in a fight. This was real.
We talked a little more and then I thanked her and left. She told me to talk to them tonight and not to worry. I walked home slowly. No tears were left, but I sobbed and whimpered all the way. I was being forced to leave my comfortable Maryland home and go to a cold, unfamiliar place. I was being forced to go to boarding school, and there was nothing I could do about it.



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This article has 19 comments.


on Jul. 9 2010 at 7:16 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

This was a very interesting and well-written piece, I look forward to the next part.  I just suggest that you try to make the girl's thoughts a bit more mature, because, well, while that may be the way teenage girls think, it gets tiring after a while.  Also, I agree with banangela29, they wouldn't have just sprung that at her, they would have eased her into it.  Still, I really enjoyed this story, very interesting.

on Jun. 14 2010 at 8:37 am
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

overall very good! there were a few gramarical and structure errors and the diolouge was a little sterotypical. Still i loved it and want to read more!!!

on Jun. 12 2010 at 1:06 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments
okay, thanks for the advice. I didn't realize.

on Jun. 12 2010 at 1:05 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments
wow, thanks a lot for the advice. I'll definitley use it. I like what you said about the dialogue, becuase sometimes I feel like that when I'm reading other people's peices. thanks a ton!

on Jun. 12 2010 at 12:09 pm
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments

I really liked how you started the story, but I think you could have spiced it up with a little more sensory images, that kind of sutff. Some of the sentences were awkward, but that's easily fixed with a little bit of editing.

I really felt like in reality a parent would not have just sprung the whole boarding school thing on their daughter just like that. Maybe you should have them sit down and discuss it, it would be a good chance to enter some good dialoge to keep the reader hooked and expand on the parents' personalities.

Your dialogue was spot on....a little too spot on. That is how teenagers actually talk, but when put into writing it seems repettive and a little silly, you know? If you could switch it up a bit it owuld help your story a ton.

Hope I've helped. Keep writing :)


katie-cat GOLD said...
on Jun. 12 2010 at 11:23 am
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

I liked this.  She was very relatable, and the dialogue seemed real.  The only thing is that I found some grammatical errors.  I wanted to point out that when you use the word chided it didn't really fit.  Chide means to reprimand or correct and it didn't really sound like that's what Jasmine was trying to do.  Other than that though, I liked it.  Keep it up! On to part 2 :)

on Jun. 11 2010 at 8:48 pm
Shoka_no_sanraizu SILVER, Huntington, Indiana
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments
Wow the twist with the boarding school, I never saw it coming! I love it and you are very discriptive keep up the good work.

Kasumi BRONZE said...
on Jun. 11 2010 at 6:29 pm
Kasumi BRONZE, Mequon, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life can be hard and sad, but there is good things in life, too

I love how the girls are typical girly girls. XD 

I thought the whole thing gave a nice clear picture, but some of the sentences were a bit choppy, but over all, the story looked great!


on Jun. 5 2010 at 9:08 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments
thanks a lot! I have three more chapters but they are taking a while to get in. im impatient! hah.

on May. 26 2010 at 3:30 pm
AoifeTracey SILVER, Dublin, Other
6 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dont bend facts to suit theories, rather theories to suit facts.' Unknown

This was deadly.  I love the girliness and the excitment of how her life is going so well. It was great the way you just flipped the story around completely, hence the name ''Back Flip'', Hha. Please install another, like does she get with Eric, does she go to boarding school after all? Keep It Up. P.S. Thanks for reading and commenting on my stuff, Aoifex

on May. 23 2010 at 4:17 pm
WiseGirl BRONZE, Adams, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I think, therefore I am."
-Rene Decartes

Very good!!!

on May. 22 2010 at 8:08 pm
SmileyFace94 SILVER, Queens, New York
7 articles 0 photos 35 comments
i agree, this is really good, leaves you wondering what's going to happen

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on May. 22 2010 at 12:08 am
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

I love it, i want to see more from this story it is very unique

IvyVine SILVER said...
on May. 21 2010 at 2:26 pm
IvyVine SILVER, Unknown, Indiana
9 articles 0 photos 28 comments
Can't wait to read another installment!

on May. 20 2010 at 6:53 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments
thanks, im working on it now. ill probably put it in tonight, and it takes about a week or two to post. sorry for the wait!

on May. 20 2010 at 6:45 pm
Ricky_Wolf BRONZE, Spartanburg, South Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 18 comments
Very good. Hope you put up part 2 soon.

on May. 20 2010 at 4:08 pm
i wish this was longer are you gonna write a second part? please do i love this story

on May. 19 2010 at 6:17 pm
Wellington BRONZE, Ann Arbor, Michigan
2 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.
Richard M. Nixon

very nice....

JacobC GOLD said...
on May. 19 2010 at 5:28 pm
JacobC GOLD, Belgium, Wisconsin
10 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Am I indecisive? Well, yes and no." -Anonymous

I like it soo much.  Keep writing.


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