“ No. No, no, no, no!" Those words were cranked at top volume on repeat in my head as I scrutinized the boy resting on the bed in the hospital. The hospital where we hurried to get him here, where we hurried him to safety, where we hurried maybe too much. But what were we supposed to do? This disease has been tormenting him since he was an infant. I desperately scanned the body, looking for any sign of breathing. Please, doctor! I begged. Is there anything we can do?

“ No! No, no, no, no.” Those were the words that echoed in my mind when he dropped to his knees. We were looking at the zebras when he clutched his hands over his heart, when I asked him what was wrong, and when he couldn’t talk because he was trying so hard to breathe. It probably was too late when I called the ambulance. We rushed to the emergency room. We got him here as fast as we could. We got him in the vehicle as fast as our hands could move. Is he going to be ok? Will he be fine? Please. He has to be fine.

“ No. No, no, no, no!” Those were the words that described my mind as the heart monitor went off, as he whispered I love you, breathing heavily. When did he learn how to speak? Why are there tears in his eyes? Why all the sudden changes? Oh no! His eyes are going blank! How did this even happen? Why him? Why? Just why? He’s the one thing I need! I would give everything, anything! I just need him! No! Why does the doctor look like someone died? No. Did he? Why him? Just why?

You wish to go back in time, you wish to change what already happened. But you know what has been done cannot be undone. Happiness is temporary. Life isn’t about finding it.