New Moon (Sequal to Twilight) In About 5 Minutes

May 30, 2010
*Dramatic piano Music*
(Edward and Bella stand outside of Bella's house by the truck)
Bella: It's my birthday
Bella: Kiss me.
Edward *Scared look* uhh... Okay?
*They kiss*

(At the Cullen Mansion thingie. Everyone is in a circle)

Alice: It's time! It's Time! Bella, open your presents.
Bella: But I don't like-
Alice *Devilish look* OPEN THEM!!!
Bella: Okay, Okay! Sheesh.
*Bella opens package and gets a papercut. Blood squirts out everywhere*
Bella: Ahhh!! Call a doctor!!
Jasper: *Looks at bella and licks lips* tasty.....
Edward: NOOO!!! *Pushed bella into piano*
Bella: OW!
Edawrd: Sorry......*Hits Jasper* I was trying to protect you.......
Bella: You didn't do a good enough job. *Walks away.
Emmett: Remind me why you like her?
Edward: *sighs* I don't know anymore...Let's leave her.

(Edward and Bella are outside in woods)

Edward: Bella I'm leaving.
Bella: But Edwrad-
Edward: *hides behind a tree*
bella: *Hyperventalates*
*Jacob comes out of nowhere*
Bella: Jacob! I love you now that Edward's not here!
Jacob: *Shrugs* I'll take it!

(*Later on*)

Bella: Let's build a bike!
Jacob: When did you like Bikes?
Bella: Shut up and build us some bikes that we can ride romantically into the sunset with....*Smiles and looks lovingly away*

Jacob: Hop on Bells!
bella: *Smiles brightly* OKAY Jackee! *Hops on and rides off a cliff into the sunset*
(End Daydream)

Bella: *Shakes herself out of daydream*
Bella: Let us ride into the sunset!
Jacob: Where have you been all month.....?
Bella: *Hops on back of the bikes* Let's go Jake! I wanna feel the adrenaline rush!
Jacob: *Gulps* Kay then....
Bella: *Sees figure of Edward* EDDY!
Edward: I'm not real! Leave me alone!
Bella: *Crashes into a rock* Kay then *Sniffle*

(Bella and Jacob at Bella's house)

Alice: Ding-DONG! I'm at the door! *Knocks on door and then breaks it down*
*BElla and Jacob stare with eyes wide open*
Bella: Alice!!*Hugs her*
Alice: Bella! *Sniff-Sniff* You smell great....
Bella: I'll go away now....
Alice: NO! Edward thinks you're dead. He's Gunna go commit suicide!
Bella: Can vampires do that?
Alice: Only the sparkly, magical, soft,non-sharp-toothed Cullens can! *Beams with pride*
Jacob: Bella don't go!
Bella: No, Jake. Now that Edwrad's back, I love him. You will just have to wait your turn.
Jacob: But I'm a werewolf!
Bella: *Eyes widden* When did that happen?!?
Jacob: A While ago. We just didn't mention it cause it was so obvious. Did you see any of the New Moon trailers? That ruined everything!
Bella: True. I still gotta go.
Jake: *Whimpers*

(Outside in Rome)

Alice: GO BELLA!
Bella: OKAY! *Trips over fountian* Ouch!!!
Edward: *Walks into sun*
Bella: EDWARD NO!!!
Edward: *Looks at Bella* GOD! Can't this chick leave me alone?
Bella: *Hugs Edward* RUNNN!!!!
Edward:*Sigh* You won't let me be, will you?
Bella. No. I'm persistant *Insane laugh*
Edward *Sarcastic laugh* yes you are....*Sigh* Let's go home.

(On a plane home)

Bella: Okay. Edward- um...I've been meaning to ask you something. ..
Edward: *Sigh* What is it, Bella.
Bella: Will you marry me?
Edward: *Scoffs* NO!
Bella:*Grab's Edwards Earlobe* Do it or I'll seduce you....
Edward: Okay okay!!!!!
Bella: *Smiles* YEA!!!!!

Join the Discussion

This article has 46 comments. Post your own now!

SilverInkThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 14, 2015 at 12:59 pm
God..dat was super hilarious ...luvd it....
IlovewolvesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 5, 2015 at 9:26 pm
Nice violence sorry I've been called demented
Shaebecool said...
Feb. 27, 2015 at 1:30 pm
i love Twilight but this is funny even if that last part is a little backwards XD "crashes into rock" *kay then* that got me so bad hahahahaha
Buurrry said...
Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:39 pm
Uhhhhhhhhhhh. Edward is supposed to propose to Bella... and she kinda doesn't even want to marry him at first...soooooo yeah.
Tyler W. said...
Jun. 16, 2012 at 3:38 pm
haha wowww this is great!!!
msoledadvc said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I like it! Except for the last part, it's kind of out of place there... Anyways it's very nice! And funny, I enjoyed it! Keep writing!


jazzerlover said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:23 am
This is so funny!!!! I LOVE IT!!! :)
tonite said...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:37 am
pls tell me that you will post breaking dawn in about five minutes next......this was soooooooooooooo awesome!!!! LOL
writergirl4ever17 said...
May 16, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Hahaha these are soooo funny! I love it...hahaha. This pretty much sums up the book. Hahaha!
Twilightlove96 said...
May 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm
New Moon may suck but the other movies are perfectly fine. I myself am a Twilight fan and I will admit that I dont like one of the movies. So no need to be like that if you dont like them then dont read it.
mariahkayee replied...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 8:13 am
You don't have to hate a book/movie in order to make a parody of them. Only true fans can really see the flaws in them and poke fun at it, while still loving the book. All the power to you for stating your opinion, but I don't think in any way this author was being demeaning about Twilight. I loved the books and series, but I was laughing my butt off.
Vanendra said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 8:59 am
Lol I personally hated the series but I loved your parody!!!!!!! <3
Sunfire replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 3:27 pm

On the same plane as you Vanendra! This story wouldn't let me stop laughing, although i don't want to have anything to do with the real thing.

 And congrats, to you,  the author you made laugh my guts out.

BlahBlah135 said...
Jan. 27, 2011 at 12:13 pm
NEW Moon sucks. You suck and you also suck. New Moon is terrible and everytyhing is terrible about the movie. And Elcpise sucks so quit writing garbage:P
Lauren replied...
Jan. 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Calm down, it's a parody no need to be rude.

I think this parody is awesome and SO funny.

But New moon and the Twilight series in general is the worst!!!

Fangstorm_The_Vampire replied...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Dude, don't be rude or somebody's DEFENITELY going to flag you. This was funny, and yes, Twilight sucks. No reason to go around insulting people. How did your comment even get past the editors?
writergirl4ever17 replied...
May 16, 2011 at 3:06 pm
I agree with the two above comments. Apparently you didn't read it or else you would know that she is making FUN of New she probably doesn't like it that much either...and if she's her opinion...yeah you gave your opinion but it didn't have to be so mean...chill out dude. MAN!
xprezzionstar said...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 10:23 am
omg this was awesome love just as good as the last!
in_wonderland said...
Oct. 31, 2010 at 6:13 pm
ROTFLMFAO!! So hilarious yeah parodies r good--and sometimes theyre better!! :)
Day-Dreamer17 said...
Oct. 8, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Ha! While I love Stephenie Meyer's books, I love parodies, too. xD This made me laugh. :D
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