The Past Five Years
“Are you ready to look?” The sweet voice of Anna asked, as she patted the last curl in place. I nodded trembling. Standing up, I turned to look at the mirror behind me. I gasped. That can’t possibly be me! That girl is far too pretty! I looked to where mom was standing, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.
“You’re gorgeous, Kenzi,” she whispered, clasping her hands. I looked from mom back to the mirror, reaching my hand up and touching the waterfall of curls that framed my face and ran down my back.
“Anna,” I breathed.
“She did a marvelous job,” mom agreed. I could only nod.
“You have to look amazing on your special day!” Anna declared, beaming. “Besides, with you, it isn’t that difficult.” I swatted at the air in protest, but I smiled.
“There’s the finishing touch,” Bridget exclaimed from across the room where she was taking pictures.
“Isn’t Caleb supposed to be doing the picture taking?” I asked. Bridget’s husband was a professional photographer.
“Yep. But no one gets to see the bride before those doors open!” Bridget grinned as she snapped another picture. I shook my head, smiling. Bridget. She’d been my best friend all throughout high school and into college. We had done everything together and it only seemed fitting that she should be my maid of honor.
“Are you ready?” Mom asked, squeezing my hand.
“I think so.”
“Well, you’re father just texted and said that all the guests are seated and that they just closed the doors. That’d be our que.” I nodded. Bridget grabbed the flowers and shoed her daughter, Alivia, the flower girl, out into the hall.
“Time to go!” she announced. I picked up the corners of my dress and the procession slowly started down the hall.
I took deep breaths as we walked, trying to calm my rushing heart. What if this is all a mistake? My over-analytical mind quickly began to say. What if you’re not ready yet? This is marriage after all! It’s a binding agreement. This is forever. I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my back.
No, I’m ready for this. I’ve been ready for this. Andrew and I have both prayed about it. This is what our future is and it’s going to be a beautiful one. Because, quite honestly, I couldn’t think of another person on the face of the earth that I would want to be doing this with instead. Andrew and I had been dating for five years now. We had been through a lot together and now we were ready to take the next step in our relationship.
The hallway which had seemed so long from the door passed in a matter of seconds. Just like our relationship. I mused, smiling again and calming myself by thinking back to the first time I’d met Andrew.
I was at a Youth Group event. We were bowling. One of the guys in my youth group, Travis, had brought a friend. Bridget had teased me about how cute he was and, to myself, I had to admit that he was pretty cute. Of course I didn’t say that to Bridget, though! But then, somehow he came over and we got to talking and found out that we both loved soccer and butter pecan ice cream and before I knew it, we were laughing about some movie thing that no one else got and it was time to go. I figured that I wouldn’t really ever see him again….until he kept coming to youth group with Travis. He asked me out two months after we’d first met. Obviously, I said yes.
Dad was standing at the door, beaming as I walked up. He kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, “You look beautiful.”He straightened his jacket a little. Mom wrapped her arm around my waist and gave me a hug.
“Love you, sweetheart,” she said before slipping around to the side door where she’d sneak in when the doors opened for me.
“Are you ready?” Dad asked as I slipped my hand into the crook of his arm. I nodded. I could hear the music begin to blare from the organ on the other side of the door. Suddenly, the doubts flooded over me again.
“I think we should break up.”
The comment had caught me off guard. We were sitting in Andrew’s car in my driveway. He had just brought me home after we’d gone to see a movie.
“Wh-why?” I stuttered, turning to face him. Andrew turned an anxious face towards me.
“Because we leave for college in two weeks, Kenz. They say that most relationships started in high school don’t last in college. We meet new people and…” He trailed off.
“But I still want to be together.”
“Me too.”
“Then why-“
“Because it’d be easier now.”
“Easier?” I was incredulous. “Easier how?”
“We won’t have to do it later.”
“So, that’s it? A year and three months of dating and it’s over just like that?”
“I guess so.” Andrew was quiet for a while, staring down at his hands, tapping his foot in the way he always does when he’s nervous. “Bye, Kenzi.” He whispered.
I got out of the car without a word and slammed the door, practically running up the steps onto the porch and into the house. I didn’t stop until I was alone in my room, crying my eyes out on the bed. Mom came in eventually, rubbing my back. I think she just knew. It was part of her motherly intuition. It was only then that I heard the engine of a car start up. I climbed over and peered out the window, watching Andrew back out of the driveway and pull away. That only made me cry harder.
“Kenzi, if it wasn’t in God’s plan for this to be, then nothing you or Andrew could ever do will keep you together. But if it is God’s plan for you to be forever, He’ll make sure to get you two back together.”
We had. Three weeks later after only one week into college, he had called me. We talked off and on for the first three months of school. Then he apologized and asked me out again. I cried. I found a tear forming now. The music continued to float through the solid oak door as dad and I took our places. I was suddenly drawn back to another time I had stood in front of closed oak doors…
The light was dim and the volume low. Andrew squeezed my hand as we walked in.
The coffin lay against the far wall, people milling through the line to pay respects to the family. I saw Andrew’s mother, her face downcast as she thanked the people for coming. Andrew let go of my hand and jogged over to her. I watched as he enveloped her in a hug. Tears were running freely down her face now. She patted him on the back and said something in his ear. He motioned me over.
“MaKenzi, I’m so glad you came. It means so much to me. To us.” Usually I hated it when she used my full name. No one else did. But it didn’t even bother me today.
“I wouldn’t have missed it. I’m so sorry for your loss. Mrs. Kaeton was a wonderful lady.” Andrew’s mom, Angie dabbed at her eyes and nodded.
“She was a wonderful mother.”
“We’re clogging up the line,” Andrew commented. Angie nodded, smiling through her tears. Andrew took my hand and pulled me over to a couple of chairs in the corner. He dropped his head into his hands.
“Andrew-“
“I miss her already, Kenz.” I was about to say something but decided that my silence was probably better than any comfort right then. Andrew kept on talking. “She was always there for me. I could talk to her about anything.” He looked up at me and I watched a tear trickle down his cheek. I had never seen him cry before. I didn’t know what to say, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I leaned over and gave him a hug.
I thought of all the other trials we’d walked through together, reminisced. That was when the doors started to crack open. I looked at dad and he gave me a big smile.
“This is your big day, K.J.” I grinned as he used my childhood nickname. “Enjoy it.” I took a deep breath and turned to face the opening doors.
Everyone was standing as I started my walk down the aisle. I had practice this thousands of times, walking slow enough and to the beat of the music blaring from the organ. I watched the ground, suddenly shy, peeking up to find Andrew watching me, his mouth slightly open. We made eye contact and suddenly he was beaming. I felt a smile spread across my face too as I remembered the last time he had smiled that broadly. It was the night that he proposed.
We were eating at Olive Garden, our top favorite restaurant. We had never been to this one before, however. This one was next to a park. After finishing a delicious supper of chicken fettuccini and too many famous Olive Garden breadsticks, we took a walk.
The night was beautiful. Prefect really. The air was warm with a cool breeze making it just right. The sky was clear and millions of twinkling stars danced around a crescent moon. We were holding hands, talking and laughing as we went through a stunning garden. It was almost summer and the flowers were at their best. The air was rich with the savory aroma of thousands of open buds. A bird chirped cheerfully, filling the night with his lullaby.
“It’s so gorgeous here,” I commented as we walked.
“It is.” Andrew agreed, but he seemed slightly preoccupied.
“Don’t you see all this beauty? God is so awesome. I would never have thought to create half this stuff!”
“I don’t know, you’re pretty smart.”I blushed under his praise.
“Really, though. Would you have thought to make all this glorious creation?” Andrew shrugged.
“Probably not.”It was silent for a few moments.
“So, where are we going?”
“Well, there’s a really pretty lake just around the corner…”
And there it was! It glistened in the moonlight and shimmered as little waves rippled across its surface.
“This is the perfect evening,” I sighed in contentment, resting my head on Andrew’s shoulder.
“There’s only one thing that could make it more perfect.”
“I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it,” I exclaimed. I didn’t notice him reach his hand into his back pocket. Before I knew what was happening, he was down on one knee with a box open in his hands. The diamonds caught the light of the moon and threw out their own light, sparkling.
“MaKenzi Anne Sauder, will you marry me?” I couldn’t breathe. My heart was doing leaps and somersaults. I started crying.
“Yes!” I practically shouted. “A thousand times yes!” And we kissed there in the sparkling light of the moon, an engagement ring gleaming on my left hand.
I was beaming myself as the memory drew to a close. I was almost to Andrew now. He fell in step beside me as dad lead me up to the steps. He handed me off to him.
“Take care of her,” dad whispered and I saw tears gathering.
“Yes, sir,” Andrew replied, taking my arm. We walked up the stairs.
The next few minutes went by in a blur. We read our vows, we said “I do”, and all the while, my head was zipping over the past five years. Five years! Good times and bad times. Laughter and fights. Joy and tears. Happiness and anger. Comfort and hurt. It had all been there.
The minister looked at both of us and smiled. He had us turn and face the crowd, holding hands.
“I now present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Miller!” We raised our hands and smiled at the cheering guests. Then we looked at each other. And with those words, I knew that many more years of experiences were waiting just ahead.