My name is Scott, I’m 16, and I’m different. I’ve had a bad life since I can remember. Bad childhood, bad parents, bad friends. Everything for me, just isn’t easy. It never has been. I live in a small town called Forks, Washington. It’s usually raining all the time. That’s good because I’ve always loved the rain. Every once in a while the sun comes out. Which is very rare in Forks. I live with my parents. They are both drunks. Mom gets drunk at least everyday. I can’t remember at least one day that she wasn’t drinking or yelling at me. Dad gets drunk at least every two days, at least when he’s not working. He sells drugs all the time. Sometimes, he never comes home and comes back in the morning, high. When he comes home, him and mom always end up getting into a fight. Not like a fist fight but sometimes, Mom goes a little crazy and over does it. I have to go to school in the morning so when I get up, they bring me into it. I always get caught up in the crossfire. They always blame me for their mistakes. They always told me that I was a mistake and that I shouldn’t have been born. They say that it’s my fault that they are the way they are. I just get ready, and get out of there. I can’t stand listening to them. I might not like school, but I hate home. I’ve always just wanted a place where I would feel safe, but I don’t know what that feels like. Sometimes, I feel like there’s nowhere else to go.That’s why my grandparents took me in. I am now living with them in Joplin, Missouri. I got tired of dealing with my parents. They just don’t care. I need somewhere I can go to be better. Being there is not the place. Hopefully here will make me forget about all of that and help me move on.

Living here is a lot better than there. My grandparents don’t drink. They want me to be a better person. They know what I’ve been through. They’re trying to help me. When I was living with my parents, I picked up a habit. I began smoking and doing drugs. I never had good friends so, I just dealt with the people I could hang out with. Those people, weren’t the kind of people you want to hang out with. They got me started on all kinds of drugs. I have tattoos almost everywhere on my body, some of them I was aware that I had gotten them and the others I wasn’t even sure I had even gotten. I have piercings on my body. Now you see why I didn’t hang out with the right crowd. They just didn’t accept me because I look different. Maybe it will be different here. I can finally try to start over and find some good friends to hang with. One problem. I’ve never been good at making friends. I don’t talk much and I’m just like that kid that usually hangs out on the sidelines instead of being in the game. It’s gonna be ten times worse since I don’t know any of these people. I just want to get through high school without having to deal with bullies or people who think that they’re better than others. I know it’s too much to ask for and I know that’s not gonna happen. I can always wish though. Anyways, my grandparents enrolled me into school so I should be starting tomorrow. So let’s just hope everything goes good.

Thinking about school tomorrow is scary. The only reason I’m even going to school is because I made a promise. His name was Derek. He was my best friend for a long time. We knew each other since we were 10. He was someone I could call family. He was always there for me. He was like my brother. We did everything together. He was the only person I could trust and the only person I could stand being around. He got me my first tattoo, my first piercing, and we did it together. He had a bad life just like me. His parents were both divorced. His Dad was never there. His mom, died of cancer. His mom was married and he lived with his Step-Dad who was a drunk. Every time I would see Derek, he always had a new mark from where his Step-Dad had hit him. I never asked about it cause I knew it would bug him. It would bug me too. He committed suicide last year. Sometimes, I think he took the easy way out by doing that. I was shocked when I found out. It killed me. He was the only person I had. Sometimes, I thought about doing it too. That’s why I left. I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t end up like Derek. He always wanted me to do better and be a better person. So, I’m gonna keep that promise.

As I was walking through the glass doors of the school, I have the sudden urge to just run. I do not want to do this. I just want to go home. I can’t deal with this feeling that I’m having. I just know that I’m gonna be judged. I’ve been judged my entire life and I wasn’t ready to get judged all over again. You know that scary feeling that you get when you’re standing at the edge of a cliff? Well, that’s exactly how I feel right now. I’m just gonna do my best to just get this over with. Go to class, sit down, and stay calm. Then repeat that all over again. I know that I can do this. I feel like I’m gonna be okay. At least I hope I will be.

So, now I have my schedule and all of my classes are on the first and second floor. I’m walking to my first class and all I can think about is the people that are gonna be in it. I don’t want to be in that class where there are people that will stare at me and judge me. I want that class where I can sit in the back and just do my work. I know that’s not gonna happen though. I know that anywhere that I go, I will be judged. I’ll be placed in that category where people look like me. I have short, black hair that kind of spikes up. I have a piercing on my ear. I have tattoos on my back, shoulder, arm and one on my wrist. I always wear jeans and my black hoodie. I have sneakers that are pretty old and messed up. That’s what they are gonna base me off of. My looks. I’m actually a pretty smart kid. I get straight A’s. I never tell anyone that because I just look uncool. That was at my old school though. This time is going to be different.

I’m in Mr. Farleys class. Science. This class doesn’t have many students in it. You can already tell that it’s filled with those prep kids though. All dressed nice and have those kinds of looks that they give you when you look like me. I’m terrified right now. I’m not gonna show it. I’m just gonna act like I’m calm when really on the inside, I’m screaming and wishing that this day was over with. I walk to the back of the classroom and I sit in the back desk in the corner. Mr. Farley hands me a text book and welcomes me to the school. He tells the class that we’re gonna watch a video about something that I didn’t hear. My thoughts are just too loud in my head. I just want to get out of here. So, he turns off the lights and starts the video. I just grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and just started drawing. Everything was going good so far until I heard some girls laughing. I looked up and they were staring back at me. As soon as they saw me staring back at them, they turned their heads as fast as they could. They started talking to the guys sitting next to them and one of them turns and looks back at me with this look that I can’t explain. I could tell that’s how they judge people here. I looked away quickly. I saw one of them get up and he was walking back here. I started to panic. All my thoughts were just going all around my head. I just wanted to run and get out of here. I got extremely scared. I got out of my chair and walked out of the classroom before he could come back here. I’ve never walked so fast in my life. The teacher ran out of the classroom and followed me. I sat in the back stairway and he walked up to me and asked me what was wrong. I told him how I was scared. How I couldn’t be judged again. I just didn’t want to be that kid again where no one will accept me. He talked to me for a while and sent me to the office to have a talk with the principal. I knew I wasn’t in trouble because of the tone in his voice. So, I walked to the office and they sent me into the principals office. Her name was Mrs. Livington. She seemed like that kinda principal that wouldn’t get you in trouble for doing something like walking out of a classroom. She seemed cool. She asked me what was going on and why I walked out of the classroom. I told her about everything. About how I didn’t want it to be like my old life and that I wanted it to be better. She talked to me for a little bit and asked about my past. I told her a lot about it and she just listened. She was like my therapist at the moment. Then, she began talking about this group. People like me. Misfits. People that didn’t fit in. She told me that maybe if I got into this group and saw how I’m not the only one with a bad past, then possibly I could finally not be as scared of trying to fit in. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to find out more about this group. That I wanted to see what is what like and see if maybe it could help me. I was just scared. I thought that it was bad enough now that I couldn’t fit in and that if I joined this group, that it would make it worse. She told me to do what I thought was best for me and not care about what other people would think. If I wanted my life to be better than I had to start making the best decisions for myself in order to do that. So, I said yes. I told her that I’d see what this group was about. Honestly, I was kind of excited. I couldn’t wait to meet these people. People like me. A place where I could finally belong.

I got to go home and sleep on it. I couldn’t sleep. I just kept thinking about how I finally get to have friends. Maybe my life could change if I joined this group. What if I finally get to be that person I’ve always wanted to be? That person that Derek knew that I could be.