Chapter One: The Cow
The cow eats in the night.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Arnold: So, what do you smell?

Fred: I smell a bunny!

A: Oh, so?

F: Yes! The bunny smells like lemons!

A: ...

F: Hello?

The cow sleeps in the night. The lemons enter. The lemons smell like bunnies. The lemons STRIKE!

The cow ran downtown to the new york fish shop in east finland. The fins of the fish in finland were fintastic. That is where the cow ate fish and admired the fins.

The cow ate fish in the night.

The cow ran to farmer Billybop's home in West Virginia and gave him some fish. When Billybop bit into the fish, his head turned purple. the eyes glowed. A thick stench of lemons filled the air. Two long white ears pop out of the purple head.

The cow ran.

The cow ran faster then fast.

Chapter Two: The Pumkins of dawn
The pumpkins weren't just pumpkins.

The were Pumkins.


Early Ed woke up early in the morning as always. That's why the young folks of New Hampshire called him Early Ed. Ed rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and snailed off to the mirror in front of which he put on his toupee. Unfortunately, Early Ed remembered, he left it out in the pumpkin patch. He snailed downstairs, snailed some breakfast into his mouth, snailed on his bunny slippers, and snailed out the door toward his pumpkin patch.

There the pumpkins sat, smiling down at Early Ed. Early Ed grimaced. The young folks of New Hampshire always carved faces into his prize pumpkins. His toupee lay on the fence. Ed reached for it, but then it disappeared. Tired as he usually was, Ed thought the morning chill was getting to his head. He shook it, put on the toupee that was lying on the ground before him, and snailed back toward his house. Then a flash of lightning and two black kittens screamed for mercy as the Pumkins laughed darkly. Early Ed ran back into his house, ran upstairs, ran into bed and fainted before he realized he forgot to take off his bunny slippers.

Chapter Three: Fred Fights Fish
Fred fought fish.

Fred followed fudd down to the new york fish shop in finland.
east finland was known for its fintasticly finned fish.
fred found fudd fiddling with a floatable french fisherman named flash.
fudd informed fred the he friended flash on facebook.
fred found a fish fillet on flash the fisherman's ferry, "the flustered fatman".
fred fished the fillet out of the fatman while fudd and flash figured out how to flip a flapjack.
fred escaped the crazy land of "f" words where he renamed himself "todd" and ate his sea creature sandwich.
the sea creature sandwich tasted of Parmesan and twisted corn cobbler.
todd pondered the strange tasting sandwich and wondered why the title of this story was called "fred fights fish".
suddenly the sandwich came to life.
a phenomenal swordfish sprung from the depths of the two slices of toasty italien.
todd drew his sword on the nearest scrap of paper he could find, but it blew away in the autumn wind.
fred threw his Bic ballpoint into the eye of the stormy beast and ran through the streets into a small cozy city with lots of young folk.
peace at last.


Chapter Four: Poe is Dead
Edgar: He's dead.

Allen: Who's dead?

Edgar: Poe.

Allen: Poe who?

Edgar: Poe Poe.

Allen: Poe Poe who?

Edgar: Poe Poe. Just Poe Poe.

Allen: Never heard of him.

Edgar: He's right behind you.







The gravy yard was silent.

Chapter Five: Lemons
Fruit in finland is not as fantastic as its fish.

The lemons are sour, the apples are yellow, and the bananas aren't ripe.
The cow tiptoed into the shop, looked around, and grabbed a lemon.

The shopkeeper, Stan, looked at the cow as if he were a regular customer. But cow was no regular customer. moose was a regular customer, but cow was not a regular customer. But Stan looked at cow as if he was a regular customer, so he caused no trouble.
But when the cow left the fruit shop, that's when he caused trouble.
Stan dialed 911, and in less than a millisecond, the U.S. Army arrived.
...with 1 helicopter, 2 tanks, and fifty guys with fifty guns. each.
cow mooed. cow ran. cow ran faster then fast but the U.S. army was skilled as heck.
One man shot all fifty guns at once.
The cow was hit by two of them.
he cried: I WILL NOT SURRVIVE THE U.S. ARMY, BUT I WILL DELIVER THIS LEMON TO DR. WINKLEHEIMER!!!!!!!
he limped his way to Dr. Winkleheimer, then lay down to fade away.

Chapter Six: Dr. Jones' Cold Bones
Dr. Jones: peel me a grape, Igor!

Edgar: It's EDGAR! You hear me???

Dr. Jones: Whatever you say, Igor! Just peel me a grape.

Edgar plucked a grape from the bowl and peeled it. he dropped it into the clammy hand of the one and only Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones ate the grape and said, "you are free for today, Igor".

Edgar: Oh, goody.

He left the castle, passed the pumpkin patch, passed the farm, said hello to dr. winkleheimer, passed the new york fish shop, passed the dock, passed the fruit shop, and finally entered his own house in apartment X.

...but nobody else could SEE apartment X.

So the Young Folk saw that man float up the invisible staircase and onto his invisible bed where he slept until the crack of dawn.

Chapter Seven: Where's the Fish??
Early Ed awoke. He snailed into his morning routine, then out to the Pumkin patch. They smiled down to him as always. Ed adjusted his toupee, then snailed off to the dock. He worked there as a part time boat inspector.

Flash: Aye, Ed!
Ed: Up early then, eh?
Flash: I've been here all yesterday, tryin' to figure out what happened to my fish fillet sandwich!
Ed: Ah. Well, any luck, then?
Flash: I talked to a man who called himself Poe. wasn't sure whether it was his first or last name. but he said he might've sawn himself a fillet down the street by the fruit shop.
Ed: You talk to Stan, then?
Flash: Told me he'd been busy with a klepto cow. not quite sure wot he meant by that, but he said the army tried to shoot him down!
Ed: Did they succeed, then?
Flash: Nah, 'cordin to Stan, the cow disappeared into thin air!
Ed: bah! flabbergash. ferry snails. well, you keep looking. I gotta get me some shuddeye. the pumpkins been giving me no sleep with them freaky faces.
Flash: See ya, Ed.
Ed: 'long.

Chapter Eight: The Cow Has Risen
The cow walked into the office.

His manager, mr. meaty mcdonald, asked him, “what are you doing here?

“The title of this chapter is called 'The cow has risen', but I died a long time ago!”

“well, I brought you back!”

“but I died! I had no intention on dying! I quit!”

Chapter Eight and a Half: The Cow Has Resigned
“There! Happy?”

“What? Then what's this story about?”

“uh....”

“I'm sorry, mr. mcdonald, but you have failed.”

The cow took a snapshot of mr. meaty, then jumped out the window screaming “to the fail blog!!!!”

Chapter Nine: Apartment X
Edgar awoke. He stared at the ceiling. He lie in bed, waiting. Finally, he was hungry. He grabbed the lemon on the table by his bed and took a bite.
Suddenly, sour filled his mouth, eyes, nose, and steamed out his ears. The steam fogged up his vision, and when he could finally see correctly, he could no longer see the ceiling. He saw bright blue sky. He looked around, in panic.
He could no longer see apartment X.
Then he saw a tiny dot in the sky. The dot grew bigger. The dot grew into a cow. The cow grew bigger and bigger until--
BANG!
Edgar stared at the cow floating above him. The cow had crashed into the roof of invisible apartment X.
Edgar sprung up and ran around aimlessly screaming “WHO? WHO??? WHHOOOOO????”
Edgar crashed into a wall and two lamps before he realized all the owls in town have gathered around to watch him.

Chapter Ten: The Rise of the Banana King
Billions of eons ago, before there was life on earth, there was the banana. I'm not talking about the yellow fruit, I am talking about the creature of death. These creatures had no form, but just soul that wandered around in thin air. Bananas would enter a living organism and, without a sound, DEATH.
There was one banana that did have a physical body, because he bought it off on Amazon.com from a certain superrooster123. He was king.
But one day, still eons ago, another demon arrived: apricot. The apricots were demons of life. The apricots declared war over the bananas. The bananas were defeated. Thus, life was spread over the galaxy. Especially on Earth.
But bananas still exist. If you ever see a ghost, or perhaps a glimpse of Charles Darwin playing a tuba, you may have seen a banana.

Edgar froze. His invisible apartment was surrounded by owls. They all stared at him, with those giant owl eyes. Amongst them was the cow, who was thoroughly confused. Suddenly, there was an itch in Edgar's throat. He still stayed frozen, silent. One false move could cause him big trouble. The itch was growing. Edgar's eyes watered.
He coughed, and the owls attacked.
They whacked there talons at the invisible roof. Invisible chunks of plaster fell on Edgar's head as he ran around screaming “HAVE MERCY!!!!!”. The cow, who should have been dead anyway, jumped off the roof.
The cow landed with a thud to the ground, but did not die.
“Wow”, the cow said. ”I guess I'm immortal! Amazing!”
A truck drove by and hit the cow. The cow went flying into the air. He landed with another thud on the ground.
“I AM IMMORTAL!!!” The cow said. “But-- how?”
Suddenly a heavy swirl of mist appeared before him. The mist cleared, and there was the face of Rioux.
“You are the main character,” Rioux said in his mystical godly voice. “I can not have you die...”
Cow stared in awe. He was the main character. It was amazing. He felt like the star of a drama thriller.
“But,” Rioux said, “I can do this!”
A bolt of lightning blasted down from the heavens and struck cow with a “BRRZAP!”

Dr. Jones tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. “Where is that Igor?” he said.
A dark voice spoke from nowhere. “You may never see him again,” it said. “For the Banana King has risen.”

Chapter Eleven: The Potentially Portable Podium of Poe
The usually silent gravy hard had heard its first noise in over twenty years.
The last time a noise was heard, it was because little Jimmy Denderson had ran into the yard screaming “GIVE ME THE GRAVY!!!!”
He never returned.
But this time, it wasn't a mere child desperate for some flavor in his mashed potatoes. This time, it was a man.
A man who was dead only hours ago.
A man looking for revenge.

The popular new york fish shop quartet, the Four Fisherman Frenzy, were harmonizing their latest single, “A Fuzzy Phenomenon”. As they sang into the mini microphone, Bigmouth Bob shouted into his monster megaphone, and Talkative Ted shouted into his phone.