I am an unbridled cornucopia of avarice. I reign in uniform tyranny over culinary consumption contests all over the realm, although I am scrawny and stir sickly at the spectacle of people. I strive to lose. I own a thriving retail clockwork market, but I couldn’t tell you the time. I have 401k in my 401k. I’ve pillaged pirate villages in South Africa, and am acknowledged in Central China as the ?.

Occasionally, I pluck memorial flowers from my Secret Garden: lilies of the valley, bluebells, and also wild roses. I attend to superb, on the house, British gruel eateries in London, England. I overheard while studying my silver spoon’s descend in my thick gruel, of an innocent fellow named Oliver asking for more. I’ve been to jail once, and the crime of my punishment was loitering around Michelangelo’s creation of David in the Galleria Dell'Accademia in Florence, Italy.

In New York, I was invited twice to perform at Carnegie Hall with my trusty kazoo. I indulge myself on the weekends, as a folksy street musician in Rue Saint-Martin, Paris. I play my accordion on weekends; and when I do, I play in Paris. I possess a Stradivarius Cello named: Marquis de Corberon; ex-Loeb which I lend to the Royal Academy of Music from time to time.

I am a dreadfully, amicable actor, participating in the accredited films: Pulp Fiction, Cool Hand Luke, and A Clockwork Orange. I had an appalling case of stage fright in the duration of the movies, so my twin brother substituted in my name. On stage, I frequently wore a I love Hello Kitty shirt and was never criticized.

I discovered in Hokkaido, Japan the schematics for the invisibility cloak, by the involvement of light refracting metamaterial. I’ve scaled Mount Everest with only a Sheppard’s walking stick and a legion of black sheep. I glazed the bottom of Dean’s Blue Hole with the corneas of my hawk-like eyes.

Where else have I been, but College?