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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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madeintheusa said...
May 2, 2009 at 4:49 pm:
I give this poem an A for effort, because I can see that the writer is honestly trying to say something about himself, plus I realize the writer is still a kid. I advise editing of the meter (how many counts in each line), and I advise editing a few words such as "birdie" which cheapens the poem as soon as we see it. Lastly, I too must comment on the writer's use and non-se of capiltalization. When a writer chooses to write all words in lower case, that is fine. It is meaningless, perhaps art... (more »)
 
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brooke.is.gone. said...
Apr. 19, 2009 at 4:14 pm:
i really love this poem. when you first read it, it's a little confusing but i think it's meant to make you think about it, and that's what i love about it. :)
 
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Jessica B. said...
Apr. 16, 2009 at 7:03 am:
If you re-read this poem and pick out any superfluous words, such as "and" in the second line, you'll find that the poem sounds more focused. Also, are the lower-case i's intentional to illustrate that the son feels incompetent around his father? You capitalize the word father even though it is the second word, this adds an interesting texture to the poem. You also capitalize "The Sea" which sets the sea in the same...er--boat, (no pun intended) as the father. Which makes me believe th... (more »)
 
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Joyce said...
Apr. 16, 2009 at 1:33 am:
It's pretty good although I didn't get the last part of it...it was a bit confusing.
 
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cherylarrow said...
Apr. 15, 2009 at 9:39 pm:
good poem!
 
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Mikal said...
Apr. 15, 2009 at 2:31 pm:
see my poems and songs:I need you to be in my life, Living my own life, The dancing club. I need ur comments! Peace out gangstas!!!!!
 
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christina112 said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 11:27 pm:
wow!! i love this poem! i think it has alot of meaning and heart that you put in this piece of writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Alexandra H. said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 9:48 pm:
I kinda get a mixed message from this, but I really love it. The language you use and everything is just right.
 
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fairy said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 8:06 pm:
This is a GREAT poem. I love how it rhymes. The mood of it is very calm and serene. You got talent.
 
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Jonel F. said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 1:34 am:
Wow!!! This is a Great poem. I had just sign up and your poem is the first poem I've read and I Liked it even though it had a sad ending. GREAT JOB
 
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Taylor W. said...
Apr. 12, 2009 at 5:20 pm:
Wow. That was amazing. The review above me says it reminds her of Emily Dickinson, and I have to agree, but not because of the beat but because of the subject matter. It's a really fantastic poem and you're a really fantastic writer.
 
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megan G. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 11:10 pm:
wow that was great, kinda sad, too. u have great talent! keep writing!
 
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gonzaleztd This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 10:27 pm:
I love it... Reminds me of Ormond Beach, FL.
 
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Mariah C. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 3:36 pm:
i LOVE this, you did really good on it :], high five lol. and i can relate to it very well. you were very creative :].
 
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Darcey W. said...
Apr. 10, 2009 at 2:02 am:
I love your creative mind. (:
 
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Adriannalovesanime said...
Mar. 29, 2009 at 3:47 pm:
I really liked this:)
I agree with the others I didn't expect the ending.
I love this.
 
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Ben A. said...
Mar. 28, 2009 at 8:21 pm:
Just Wanna Say:

This is an amazing piece, the best I've seen on here so far.

xx
 
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Emo_Ninji said...
Mar. 25, 2009 at 5:16 pm:
It's an odd poem but it kept the readers attention. Very different perspective to look at things. And it's very odd to see the relationship with a father described this way, i wouldn't know so that is very insightful.
 
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Michele M. said...
Mar. 25, 2009 at 5:06 pm:
very good. unexpected ending too.
 
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JessyWeLoveYou said...
Mar. 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm:
amazing!....i think you might like some of mine idk....well heres 1 of my best TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/90045/Meth/
 
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