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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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DylanRock said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:36 pm:
Good writing. Personally though, I didn't like it. I felt I couldn't relate to it but that's just me. Saying that, it was written well. Well done on its success here!
 
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babygirl576 said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm:
It doesnt make sense sorry, i like it, believe me i do, but it lost me half way through
 
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ral97 said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 9:46 am:
Wow this is AMAZING!! I love it. It really makes you think about it.
 
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chris0911 said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 8:28 am:
check out old dusty flag
 
DakotaShadow replied...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm :
Stop doingthis
 
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HoldingFast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm:
Just to be honest guys, this is like my fave poem i've read on here. its amazing (: love it lots
 
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Emmy88 said...
Nov. 1, 2011 at 6:31 pm:

He is trying to keep hime safe by keeping him chained letting him go thn tying him back

 

 
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live.laff.love said...
Oct. 30, 2011 at 6:05 pm:
this is verry intrestin..it makes me ponder
 
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youngspeare said...
Oct. 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm:
Great piece. 
 
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ThePeaceDaisy said...
Oct. 30, 2011 at 12:31 am:
How many times is this being posted????
 
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Christina C. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 11:42 pm:
Simply amazing!!!!!!!!
 
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AlyseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 9:46 pm:
I think it's really good. I like the line about the birdie, I don't see why people don't. It kinda leads into what you're saying about wanting to fly. Could you read my work and tell me what you think? ;)
 
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MANGALOVER33 said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 7:23 pm:
I'm kind of lost on the fact if 'father' is trying to keep you safe or trying to keep you prisoner. It depends on how you interpret the poem, but I wanted to hear it from the author! Great work! Your poem really evokes thought.
 
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 1, 2011 at 8:02 pm :
yea I was also wondering wether if the father was trying to keep prisoner..well either way this is very good.
 
Jessica G. replied...
Nov. 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm :
I think that in the father's mind, he was keeping the son safe from falling, but in reality, he was keeping him prisoner and didn't realize.
 
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 4, 2011 at 7:10 am :
hmm good point. but maybe he did know what he was doing and was a little to over protective? could that be it???
 
DylanRock replied...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:38 pm :
I think maybe the metaphor of the chain is a strong one which pushes more towards prisoner than caring for safety, I'm unsure whether this is deliberate though.
 
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:39 am :

makes you wonder

 

 
MANGALOVER33 replied...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:17 pm :
Yep. I guess it's best to leave some mystery in poems, to make them more interesting.
 
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 6:58 am :
one of my teachers always say its better to keep them wanting more. :)
 
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