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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Gingersnap777 said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm:
Interesting, and very rhythmic--it had a nice flow to it.  Great work!
 
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Crystalkendra said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm:
I like it very vivide I liked the end it had a double meaning I loved it thank you for putting it up so I could read it!
 
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PaulMental This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 11:36 am:
The end has such a great "a-ha!" moment!
 
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MarieLouiseA said...
Oct. 24, 2011 at 10:58 am:
This is a great piece of work. (: If anyone could read some of my work and give me some feedback i'd really appriciate it, im new to this (:
 
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KatyPie97 said...
Oct. 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm:
You started off very strong, and it could have been amazing! But I felt as if you rushed into the end, trying too hard to finish. It is a great poem, still; just take your time and let the words flow:)
 
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TheFutureAwaits said...
Oct. 23, 2011 at 7:57 pm:

I know when I write this it's going to be redundant, because everyone already wrote it, but it really leaves me thinking!

The part of the chain, it made me think of the title itself, Daddy's Womb. But why?

 
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JamesODalaigh This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 23, 2011 at 7:46 am:

Simply brilliant! Please never stop.

 

 
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mightierthanthesword said...
Oct. 22, 2011 at 7:31 am:
Absolutely breathtaking! Amazing, outstanding job! Sad, but very vivid and relatable. Keep on writing!
 
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Anabelle said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 9:56 pm:

Love this poem. The end leaves me wondering though. I felt a sense of...almost acceptance that the narrator was bound. But it was still very sad too. Loved it though!

 

 
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Dimand_Tears. said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 9:31 pm:
Wow . Beautifully written, and quite umm, how do you say?? Poetic.
 
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matthew97 said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 8:42 pm:
This is a truly great poem.
 
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Artemis--Sherwood said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 5:10 pm:
I'm not sure exactly what the meaning is, but it makes me think. That's always good. :)
 
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soniaeli141 said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 4:47 pm:
Wonderful poem. =) Feel free to take a look at mine.
 
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Duckie430This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 4:31 pm:
good poem    
 
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Natasha1994This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 1:28 pm:
this is a good poem
 
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BoBbY said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 10:14 am:
This Was An Amazing Poem (5 *'s). It Really got Me Thinking About The Meaning Behind It Still Thinking About It As I Write This!!
 
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BrittaneyPeacockThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 8:05 am:
This is a great Poem you did, keep up the great work.
 
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East17 said...
Oct. 17, 2011 at 6:58 pm:
This is great, return the favor and comment on mine? :) it would be greatly appreciated
 
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summerlengyel said...
Oct. 14, 2011 at 7:22 pm:
Wow, that's beautiful. Makes me think
 
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GirlWhoWrote said...
Oct. 14, 2011 at 6:34 pm:
Great job! This poem really made me think. And... speaking of poetry... go check out mine! I only have two, so it's not too hard...
 
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