Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

April 23, 2008
By
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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Chubby Dawg said...
May 1, 2012 at 12:54 pm
It was a great poem. That poem was like being at a Wiz Khalifa concert. keep up the good stuff.
 
T-Plush 2 said...
May 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm
I really liked the poem. I think you could have made it better by maybe adding a simile or metaphor. Other than that I really liked it.
 
SORECROR1234 said...
May 1, 2012 at 10:28 am
The poem is very deep and it is very good. It is divided into stanzas and it also has pathetic fallacy. The poem probably would've been better if those last few lines weren't there. But I like the whole father and son idea. So overall this poem is a very good poem that could use maybe a few little changes.
 
Bailey98 said...
May 1, 2012 at 7:48 am

I really enjoyed this poem and the rhythm and rhyme of the poem really made it flow. The assonance in the poem also made it come more alive.

 
taytaybergbower said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:49 am
very good. good detail
 
DoraNguyen said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:41 am
This poem is very deep. But, I feel as though that the last lines didn't belong.
 
J1029 replied...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm
I agree with DoraNguyen.  I loved the poem, but I didn't get the full meaning of the last couple lines. 
 
wishingtheskywasbluer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 4, 2012 at 1:41 am
i thought that the last line was the best!!!!
 
XxsurrendertofatexX said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:49 am
i reallly liked it! i thought that the last couple of lines were where most of the meaning of the poem took place. great job! c:
 
ElvenSecrets17 said...
Apr. 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Very beautiful, I wish my poetry could sound as powerful as yours:)
 
MysteriousWounds said...
Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:46 am
it started off really good...but the last stanza confused me. i feel like the last two lines didn't really belong there :/
 
tdpackerfan said...
Apr. 18, 2012 at 1:44 pm
"gazed at the birdie" . . . really? I think that this poem is highly overrated. I thought that the rhyme-scheme was desperate and half-hashed. The twist at the end was nice, but ultimately the reader has no way to trust the narrator. First of all, he disobeys his father directly by going into the water, so when the father finally holds him back, I feel like the father is saving the narrator instead of holding him back or restricting him. The title is interesting and paradoxical, but for goodness... (more »)
 
I.White replied...
May 2, 2012 at 8:31 pm
yeah, i don't see why this poem is so famous...
 
Lauren G. said...
Apr. 18, 2012 at 1:26 pm
I really liked how you capitalized some words and not others. I could really visualize a picture in my mind when reading this poem. I also like how you show the relationship between father and son. Does the father symbolize all the things that hold him back?
 
Lexilou96 said...
Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Love this poem! :) its beautiful and I kind of wish there was more.
 
NonStopClem. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm
I genuinely love this poem, and have so much respect for you for being able to write it. I connect to it.. Also, I like how you played with the capitalization.  It's very e.e. cummings-esque. 
 
Gildedlily123 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 8, 2012 at 10:05 am
A probing look at the delicate relationship between parent and child; this poem has a surprising maturity that I enjoyed
 
sweetgirl70 replied...
Apr. 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm
yea kinda cool love the words that you used
 
Clg1688 said...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

To my interpretation of this poem, it makes me think of parents over their children.

Love it!

 
ReneeB said...
Apr. 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I really love this poem. It easily paints a picture that the reader can visualize.
To me, this poem shows the smothering nature of parents, how they try to keep their children safe, despite how much their children want to get out and test the world on their own. Is this what you were going for?
 
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