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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Emily_Greene said...
Sept. 21, 2012 at 5:17 pm:
Very nice and from an innocent point of view.
 
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JadaA said...
Sept. 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm:
this poem is awesome... it really made me think!
 
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SHEWHOBELIEVED said...
Sept. 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm:
i really find this to be different and uniqe. please check me out sometime too. At SHEWHOBELIEVED
 
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Miss_Lady said...
Sept. 16, 2012 at 9:41 am:
I found this very imaginative and original. I love poems written this way. It makes me feel like a little girl again on an adventure, ready to do and try anything. I think that as we grow older we grow more cautious when sometimes we just need to take a big leap. This poem was very inspiring.
 
shapeshifter56 replied...
Sept. 17, 2012 at 6:14 pm :
We actually studied your poem in English class! How crazy is that? I was thinking, "I recognize this from somewhere...oh my gosh! It's from teenink!" Anyways, I love this poem. I didn't get it at first, but the more I read it, the more I like it. Great job!
 
ZeesrockThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 17, 2012 at 9:39 pm :
I agree with Miss_Lady, this poem makes you want to go on adventures!
 
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Dan.Kelly95 said...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 11:02 am:
Ahh this was deep.
 
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feliciaannbro3 said...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:40 am:
omg this was amazing! i love it <3
 
Kevin.leal95 replied...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:41 am :
lyk OMG it touched my heart
 
feliciaannbro3 replied...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:44 am :
i know right !?!?!?!?!?!
 
Kevin.leal95 replied...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:51 am :
TOTALLY!!!!!
 
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kaiterbug said...
Sept. 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm:
I found this really painful to read. I mean I think if you are going to make a poem that rhymes at least come up with some better rhymes. You could use some assonance or some slant rhymes, you didn't have to be so blunt. This really reminded me of a bad childrens book. 
 
Prehistoric-FoolThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 22, 2012 at 11:35 pm :
That's a bit too harsh, but I do agree about the rhyme scheme... That one "as I gazed at the birdie" immediately deflated my original expectation of such a high rated poem.
Overall, however, I really like the way this poem conveyed what it wanted to say- and the message that came with it. Yes, it could have been better written, but it is still a good poem.
 
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SharplyDull said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm:
I really like this.  Really, this is what real poetry is.  I applaud you for making something both readable, understandable, and with a deep philosophical side.  I truly enjoyed reading this, and I hope that you get more published.  
 
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SaraWalker This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm:
this poem is really well thought out. it brings up so many images. great job! could you check out my poem "actions of the past" ?
 
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Raven_Rayne said...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 10:39 am:
The writing itself is amazing, and the fact it has a  meaning behind it makes it even better!! This is wonderful work! Fantastic tallent shown here :)
 
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Rayarocks98 said...
Sept. 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm:
I love this! I know how you feel, I feel the same way. Like I'm bound in invisible chains, and no one can help me. Thanks for writing this, it spoke to me.
 
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kate_anne said...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 8:39 pm:
Fantastic! Glad it's been published!
 
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life-as-we-know-it said...
Aug. 25, 2012 at 11:47 pm:
This is a great poem. I love it!
 
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choogie said...
Aug. 24, 2012 at 10:15 am:
congrads on getting it published
 
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