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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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FearlessAngel said...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:26 am:
Wow. I love that you tossed out the rules of grammar and made it seem more innocent. This is real poetry: imagry writing about emotion and mentality. Amazing = )
 
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nakoLa This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:07 pm:
If you don't mind me asking, what inspired you to write this and when you did, did you have to rewrite it alot or was this pretty much your first draft? Also is this your favorite poem, or at least one of them? Did you think it was going to be so successfull? Im sorry...i ask a lot :)
 
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WR1T3R said...
Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:02 pm:
Astounding!!! I had a glimpse of it and I had to continue reading.
 
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ChobaniLuvinPenguin This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 3:30 pm:
That was just amazing!!!!!! Such a beautiful poem! The rhythm helps it flow and really shapes the story. You're so good!!!! Keep writing!
 
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Joshua C. said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 11:54 am:
This is an incredible story
 
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Joshua C. said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 11:54 am:
This is a great story youre a good story teller
 
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dotsonboy99 said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 11:11 am:
loved the story .and loved the flow  
 
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hollyllama This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 4:58 am:
Breathtaking writing. The images are clear, each line perfectly placed, and the rhythms thumping and echoing. Just as poetry should be. Made my day - thanks for sharing. :)
 
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pinmaster95 said...
Oct. 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm:
this was very uniqe and i enjoyed it.
 
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Sarah C. said...
Oct. 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm:
Really cool idea to work with, your words flowed so effortlessly
 
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mommy said...
Oct. 22, 2012 at 5:58 am:
i love that poem  
 
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guillermo123 said...
Oct. 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm:
I liked that you used the word I, it gives the reader a better understanding of your personal experience.
 
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NoMercy666 said...
Oct. 17, 2012 at 9:56 am:
Your poem has a nice idea but the rhyming factor limits it greatly. Avoiding end rhyme could probably help expand the point your poem is trying to make.
 
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AmericanMoth said...
Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm:
What can I say that hasn't already been said? This is gorgeous!! This is the type of poetry that will be printed in textbooks for the next generation to read. 
 
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SaKarias said...
Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:14 am:
I really liked this poem, it was so sensitive and dramatic. It was so realistic, the second verse was the one that really caught my attention. I really liked the rythm and the rhyme. Maybe you would like to check the grammar, but I hope you keep on writing. Because you just got yourself a new fan! :)
 
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Teemie said...
Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm:
Very Beautiful
 
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Jennna said...
Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm:
beautiful. 
 
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taylor_baby07 said...
Sept. 29, 2012 at 8:30 pm:
Loved it!!!! one of my favs!  
 
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Andrew121957 said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm:
Love<3 :D
 
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sweetheart1998 said...
Sept. 23, 2012 at 10:52 am:
i really love this !
 
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