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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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feliciaannbro3 said...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:40 am:
omg this was amazing! i love it <3
 
feliciaannbro3 replied...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:44 am :
i know right !?!?!?!?!?!
 
Kevin.leal95 replied...
Sept. 14, 2012 at 10:51 am :
TOTALLY!!!!!
 
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kaiterbug said...
Sept. 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm:
I found this really painful to read. I mean I think if you are going to make a poem that rhymes at least come up with some better rhymes. You could use some assonance or some slant rhymes, you didn't have to be so blunt. This really reminded me of a bad childrens book. 
 
Prehistoric-Fool replied...
Sept. 22, 2012 at 11:35 pm :
That's a bit too harsh, but I do agree about the rhyme scheme... That one "as I gazed at the birdie" immediately deflated my original expectation of such a high rated poem.
Overall, however, I really like the way this poem conveyed what it wanted to say- and the message that came with it. Yes, it could have been better written, but it is still a good poem.
 
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SharplyDull said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm:
I really like this.  Really, this is what real poetry is.  I applaud you for making something both readable, understandable, and with a deep philosophical side.  I truly enjoyed reading this, and I hope that you get more published.  
 
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SaraWalker This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm:
this poem is really well thought out. it brings up so many images. great job! could you check out my poem "actions of the past" ?
 
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Raven_Rayne said...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 10:39 am:
The writing itself is amazing, and the fact it has a  meaning behind it makes it even better!! This is wonderful work! Fantastic tallent shown here :)
 
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Rayarocks98 said...
Sept. 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm:
I love this! I know how you feel, I feel the same way. Like I'm bound in invisible chains, and no one can help me. Thanks for writing this, it spoke to me.
 
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kate_anne said...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 8:39 pm:
Fantastic! Glad it's been published!
 
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life-as-we-know-it said...
Aug. 25, 2012 at 11:47 pm:
This is a great poem. I love it!
 
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choogie said...
Aug. 24, 2012 at 10:15 am:
congrads on getting it published
 
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morgan said...
Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:50 am:
it's good, but at the third paragraph, the beat changes, which is kind of confusing.
 
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Mimi15 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm:
This was so breathtaking. You're a fantastic writer. If you don't mind, I'd love to hear your opinion of my poem Broken Structure. Cheers. :)
 
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The_girl_at_her_desk said...
Aug. 19, 2012 at 10:56 am:
omg !! so awesum !!!
 
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Poetic21 said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm:
wow truely amazing u deserve all these wonderful comments
 
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kizzy16 said...
Aug. 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm:
this poem was not ok not good it was awsomeeeeee!!!!!!!!! great writting..... ^_^
 
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kizzy16 said...
Aug. 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm:
this poem was not ok not good it was awsomeeeeee!!!!!!!!! great writting..... ^_^
 
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LadyFreeWill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 11, 2012 at 1:44 pm:
As everyone else has said -well done. This poem was an enjoyable, easy read while also carrying a deeper (clever, too) meaning. There was one bit  I found that I thought messed with the flow a little; at the end of the first stanza 'if my feet had left the ground'. This line has some verb tense confusion, and I recommend perhaps changing it to 'feet ever left the (etc.)". Again, great poem! Congrats on getting published!
 
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HinataHyuga said...
Aug. 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm:
OMG!OMG! THIS POEM HUNTED ME... WELL I JUST READ UP TO THE SECOND STANZA BU IT IS SOOOOOO COOOL I LOVED IT! KEEP IT COMING! IM NOT SATISFIED!!
 
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evie313 said...
Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:14 pm:
This is really great! Could you look at "There He Goes & There He will Be" and comment on it to say what you think. It would be greatly appreciated if the word was spread.
 
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