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Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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C.neishaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 9:21 am:
Pretty good poem overall....just a few grammar mistakes I shall say. Be sure to reread before posting.
 
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KingFoeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 3, 2013 at 8:20 pm:
to me the message isn't exactly clear but the poem flows well. I just wish that it was looked over because all the words are mushed together which distracts from the message and poem. And even if it is cliche, and I guess it is a little, cliche doesn't mean bad. Not all of the poem goes together kind of as in it feels like i'm reading two poems that were put together that have similar meanings. So yes, I think it needs work but most poems do. Overall, good job.
 
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ElizaDThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:08 pm:
This poem is terrible. Its cleche and needs major edits. If it was refined, it could be good. If your wondering why it is published in the magazine, its because you guys kept on commenting. Im sure the poet could have done much much better. I think this poem would best be put in a slam format in the future 
 
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princesse said...
Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:13 pm:
I love your article and i also agree with what you wrote. everything rymes so perfectly! :}
 
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sarah98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:33 pm:
i love the message, but it's kind of choppy and there's a few grammer issues...with a few more drafts, this poem would be fantastic. 3 stars
 
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StarGazer9This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 24, 2013 at 4:26 pm:
Guys, it's a good poem with a good message. Plus don't just say what's wrong about it, give advice.
 
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Gage1121 said...
May 11, 2013 at 12:58 am:
great poem i really like it. if you guys cud please check out mine :)
 
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GilliamLINA said...
Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:21 pm:
Houses are expensive and not every person can buy it. Nevertheless, credit loans was created to help different people in such hard situations.
 
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EmoScreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm:
 omg i love tjis. i think the same thing but i dont see aanyone tryna do anythign to stop it.
 
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the ogee said...
Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:25 pm:
i loved it
 
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SapphireLamourThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:13 pm:
Was it meant to have no spaces in between some words or was that a grammar mistake?
 
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Ace007 said...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:36 pm:
Nice poem. A couple of grammar mistakes need to be corrected, though, and I think the poem's rhyme sceme is a little off (last two lines are different in syllable length). Otherwise, it's alright.
 
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CTS207This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:54 pm:
Great poem, a thumb up for the topic, but I pray the editors fixed the grammar.
 
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theatregirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:22 pm:
good idea, but it was very un expressive. Plus, I feel like it an like you did the usauly over use, voilence is not answer poetry trope. It was unorginal, however not the bigest problem. most writing aren't. but on top of being unorginal, it was poorly exucate and boring. Over all this is a first draft, not really a finish product. Reach beyong the norm, and try to do a different spend. But, keep writing.
 
writingriver05This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 11, 2013 at 1:27 pm :
Wow there Theatergirl these comments are supposed to be positive. (By the way this poem was beautiful keep on writing!)
 
Tornado M. replied...
Aug. 29, 2013 at 7:07 pm :
There's also something called constructive criticism. I'd rather have that than ten comments which all say "loved it." If commentors tell the person what they didn't enjoy, the author may be able to improve next time instead of remainin mediocre. I believe the other reviewer was right. None of the lines struck me as powerful and original. I hope the writer will be able to improve- that's all.
 
writingriver05This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 10:58 pm :
I admit your right about constructive criticsm. But there are also things like empathy, tolerance, and self confidence. You cant say that you never felt hurt from a mean comment about a poem that you worked really hard on. And for it to be constructive critiscm (in my opinion) there has to be advice a little positivity. Not just rude comments that will help the writer in no way.
 
Tornado M. replied...
Aug. 31, 2013 at 11:50 am :
Honestly, I can't really find anything positive to say... or a way the poem could be improved other than changing the topic entirely. If it were just grammar mistakes or cheesy metaphors, I would be able to add an encouraging note- something which I liked in the poem. But I don't like to lie. I've had the terrible misfortune of knowing people ready  to lie to help my "self-esteem," and that got me nowhere. I thought I was good for a long time and made little effor... (more »)
 
writingriver05This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 31, 2013 at 8:09 pm :
I think your wrong this is a good topic and there is always something positive to say
 
Tornado M. replied...
Sept. 1, 2013 at 9:15 am :
The topics is incredibly trite. I can only imagine how many third-graders have used this topic to write something quick which would satisfy the teacher with a "good message" as you say. It wasn't even done in an interesting way. Just find a few random words which relate to violence. Now, make them rhyme. Third, create the most obvious sentences with them and lastly, add a bunch of grammar mistakes. That's basically what the poem is.  Can any of you ... (more »)
 
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