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Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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.Boo. said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 9:54 pm:
i think this every day. maybe not in so many words, but still
 
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starstruck15 said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:14 am:
Wow:) It really makes you think.
 
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cordr3 said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 5:03 pm:
this poem really hit me hard, because i belive the war and vilence should of stoped long ago.
 
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andieyupThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:05 pm:
it could use a lot of work.
 
starstruck15 replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:15 am :
Maybe they planned it that way...
 
LaurenE. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm :
Whether they planned it that way or not, yes it is a good concept and I believe in it, it was just a trivial structure and predictive rhyming schemes. 
 
starstruck15 replied...
Jan. 10, 2011 at 12:12 pm :
Exactly......
 
ellie315This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 1:20 am :
Well, if they meant it to be that way it's ineffective. Not to be rude, but I do not like this poem. The concept is important and we should all think about it but still; the rhyming - what does it add? The words sound illfitting and like they were only used because they rhymed. Personally, I think the poem doesn't do the issue justice. It sounds juvenille.
 
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EMOEMY said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 5:53 pm:
I like your ideas, but I don't think you know HOW you want to say it. It's a good beat but the words don't flow, they seem to trip over themselves. Once you get a little better come back and reword it :)
 
ellie315This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:39 pm :

I agree...it sounds like you wrote it down then changed a few words so it rhymed.

The idea and the thought it invokes is beautiful, but the piece itself just sound like you're speaking.

 
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BrokenByTheLies,DeepInsideSheCries.. said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:49 am:

I love this . The violence brings back memories.. Read some of my work . ?

R.I.P Frankie , we miss you babe .

 
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edith_55 said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 3:49 pm:
i love ure poem it talks good about u ♥________love it
 
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Nyrihaz said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 7:02 pm:

I have to say that I really love the meaning of this poem. It expresses the violence in our world perfectly.

A few grammatical errors can be spotted here and there. On the second verse, for example, it should be 'other down' instead of 'otherdown'. But maybe you did the error on purpose, because is an error that is repeated throughout the whole poem on several occasions. If it IS on purpose, then I understand. I liked it, especially this line: “Drugs all over under the ground&rdq... (more »)

 
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twigurl13 said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 11:17 am:
i luv ur poem. It is nicely rhymed and alliterated, and has a topic that has touched my heart. 
 
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ZinsteadofS said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 9:44 am:
It is really beyond me why this is rated so well
 
bakachan replied...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 12:19 pm :
It could use some work but I couldn't have said it better!
 
LastChapter replied...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 4:08 pm :
the wording is awkward. the rhymes are forced. the message is overplayed and unoriginal, without any creative twist to make it yours. it doesn't go into specifics, or give anything for the reader to remember. its not personal, or touching, or artistic in any way. i am honestly confused on why this was printed and some amazing pieces i've read were not.
 
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nygal252 said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 5:20 pm:
wow... ... ... my still speachless this poem means so much. you say so many things in so little words its ...amazeing i admibe people who speek from the heart again...wow
 
ilovedayna replied...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 9:05 pm :
i have heard all of this several times, and i don't get why people think it's so great. i'm pretty sure you have heard all of this several times, in more or less words. the writing sounds mixed up and the words don't flow. i am thinking people are mostly just rating on what they agree with as far as the high rating goes.
 
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SamanthaBarwick said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 11:44 am:
I like the flow of the whole peom.  It speaks the truth and what people really don't want to admit is happening around them.  If enough people actually had the guts to stand up and say stop the violence, we could very well stop some of whats wrong with this world.
 
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