Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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LastChapter said...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm
i have to agree. i'd like to think i don't just insult people's work, but actually give them tips and ideas they can work and improve off of, but i think that was already said. to blunt, obvious. it didn't give the reader anything to relate to, or stop and think "whoa. that really happens. that's terrible." there was nothing to grasp. i found it dry, uncreative, and too many sing-song easy rhymes. the world has a lot of problems, next time, aim smaller, pick something specific, and really make i... (more »)
harold walter bisset said...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 9:10 am
this poem is very inpiring but you shou show this on tv it a good poem
Chuck Norris said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 9:15 am
wow, this world is a bad place
harold walter bisset replied...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 9:12 am
yea we all live in it
LastChapter replied...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm
its bad because we make it that way. it's totally preventable if we can all just stop being such @ $ $es
LeleP said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Nice job!
.Boo. said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 9:54 pm
i think this every day. maybe not in so many words, but still
starstruck15 said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:14 am
Wow:) It really makes you think.
cordr3 said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 5:03 pm
this poem really hit me hard, because i belive the war and vilence should of stoped long ago.
andieyup This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:05 pm
it could use a lot of work.
starstruck15 replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:15 am
Maybe they planned it that way...
LaurenE. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Whether they planned it that way or not, yes it is a good concept and I believe in it, it was just a trivial structure and predictive rhyming schemes. 
starstruck15 replied...
Jan. 10, 2011 at 12:12 pm
ellie315 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 1:20 am
Well, if they meant it to be that way it's ineffective. Not to be rude, but I do not like this poem. The concept is important and we should all think about it but still; the rhyming - what does it add? The words sound illfitting and like they were only used because they rhymed. Personally, I think the poem doesn't do the issue justice. It sounds juvenille.
EMOEMY said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 5:53 pm
I like your ideas, but I don't think you know HOW you want to say it. It's a good beat but the words don't flow, they seem to trip over themselves. Once you get a little better come back and reword it :)
ellie315 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:39 pm

I sounds like you wrote it down then changed a few words so it rhymed.

The idea and the thought it invokes is beautiful, but the piece itself just sound like you're speaking.

BrokenByTheLies,DeepInsideSheCries.. said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:49 am

I love this . The violence brings back memories.. Read some of my work . ?

R.I.P Frankie , we miss you babe .

edith_55 said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 3:49 pm
i love ure poem it talks good about u ♥________love it
Nyrihaz said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 7:02 pm

I have to say that I really love the meaning of this poem. It expresses the violence in our world perfectly.

A few grammatical errors can be spotted here and there. On the second verse, for example, it should be 'other down' instead of 'otherdown'. But maybe you did the error on purpose, because is an error that is repeated throughout the whole poem on several occasions. If it IS on purpose, then I understand. I liked it, especially this line: “Drugs all over under the ground&rdq... (more »)

twigurl13 said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 11:17 am
i luv ur poem. It is nicely rhymed and alliterated, and has a topic that has touched my heart. 
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