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Stop The Violence MAG
Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!
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This article has 198 comments.
LastChapter said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 4:08 pm
the wording is awkward. the rhymes are forced. the message is overplayed and unoriginal, without any creative twist to make it yours. it doesn't go into specifics, or give anything for the reader to remember. its not personal, or touching, or artistic in any way. i am honestly confused on why this was printed and some amazing pieces i've read were not.
LastChapter said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 4:05 pm
its bad because we make it that way. it's totally preventable if we can all just stop being such @ $ $es
LastChapter said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 4:04 pm
i have to agree. i'd like to think i don't just insult people's work, but actually give them tips and ideas they can work and improve off of, but i think that was already said. to blunt, obvious. it didn't give the reader anything to relate to, or stop and think "whoa. that really happens. that's terrible." there was nothing to grasp. i found it dry, uncreative, and too many sing-song easy rhymes. the world has a lot of problems, next time, aim smaller, pick something specific, and really make it something everyone will be effected by. i'm really sorry about the "snatcher" comment though, because that was rude and mean and totally unnecessary. that's not what teenink is about. go on formspring if you want to trash people. here, i'd like to think we're all just trying to improve.
harold walter bisset said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 9:12 am
yea we all live in it
harold walter bisset said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 9:10 am
this poem is very inpiring but you shou show this on tv it a good poem
Chuck Norris said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 9:15 am
wow, this world is a bad place
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 10 2011 at 12:12 pm
Exactly......
falling10ssupernova SILVER said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 8:18 pm
do you think this is funny b/c its not
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 10:15 am
Maybe they planned it that way...
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 10:14 am
Wow:) It really makes you think.
cordr3 said...
on Jan. 3 2011 at 5:03 pm
this poem really hit me hard, because i belive the war and vilence should of stoped long ago.
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"And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." -- William Shakespeare