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Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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This article has 187 comments. Post your own!

S. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 1:23 am:
I don't know why people are so against this peace. I found it real and sad. I loved it even though you messed up the spacings...Please look at my poem " Nightmare or Dream" and tell me what you think. I like dark poetry and elaborate fully on it. I'm new but I love it!
 
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Laura_Oliver said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 7:54 pm:
I do not know why this was voted number one. I do not know why this was put into the magazine. One could compare it to Rebecca Black and "Friday" but that would be rude...
 
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sarahologyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm:

This is pretty close to awful. 

 

I'm in charge of the literary society at my school and this would go straight into the "NO WAY" pile. The grammar, the cliches.. it appears that very little thought went into the writing of the poem and thus the reader is left grasping for the depth and maturity that the subject of violence necessitates. 

 
poetrylyrics replied...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 10:58 am :
I think the poem is great. I'm new to Teen ink, but I believe that we are to give each other good criticism. As you stated, you are in charge of the literacy society at your school , so you should be able to give this person some pointers.Some of your comments are downing (no way pile ). Great job to this writer.I see you have been published , so  a lot others believe you are talented
 
writer5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm :
this poem is not awful at all! that might be your opinion, but no offenes, you should probably keep it to yourself so no feelings are hurt
 
writer5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm :
this poem is not "pretty close to awful." that might be your opinion, but keep it to yourself so no feelings are hurt
 
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BrightBurningCampeadorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 6:18 pm:

I like the emotions you put into this poem, but I think there are some changes that you might consider. First, I wouldn't try so hard to rhyme. It distracts from the over all picture. Secondly, I wouldn't make each sentence it's own line. Break things up a little.

I hope that my comment helps you.

 
takeitasitis replied...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm :
I actually think that's great advice. I've been trying to write poetry myself, even though my true calling is realistic fiction stories, you know, just to try it out. I think that that advice will definitley help me to improve my work. Thanks, dollface. :)
 
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BrightBurningCampeadorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 6:13 pm:
ElleNicole, you are entitled to your own opinion, but the way you have expressed it seems very hurtful, though I cannot speak for how the author actually feels. I beleive that this poem could be a lot better and I will, in another comment, give specific advice that I hope will help this author. You, from what I can see, have offered no constructive advice what so ever.
 
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ElleNicole said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 7:34 pm:

You're right, I greatly apologize. I was a bit rude...

My advice would be: as a few others have said, don't force a rhyme. It doesn't make a poem better. However, you did get your message across. I think that if you use a little more powerful words, you could really make this a powerful piece.

Writing can be difficult. Even really great pieces could use some work. Mine, for example, one said that it goes on too long for their liking... my point is I'm not... (more »)

 
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VivaSarcasm said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm:
This is awesome. Would make a great song! :)
 
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flawless said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 9:48 am:
this is a realistic problem and I like the way he puts every thing in light. i like it alot
 
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remembermeplzThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 8:07 pm:

I like it =)

I dont care if other people dont think it should be in the magizine.I think It should and Im glad it was =D!

 
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tsinger07 said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 7:20 pm:
I like the message a lot more than the poem. The poor grammer doesn't seem stylistic at all (if that's what you were going for). The rhymes are simple.  I don't like to be mean but it just doesn't make since how this got in the magazinge. The idea was good but you should've tried something different.
 
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StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm:

I don't understand why this was in the magazine. Even if the poor grammar and wording were part of the style of the poem, that does not change the fact that it's badly written.

Some more perspective would have helped this immensely. As it is, the poem moves in forced stops and starts, and the message is shallow and clichéd.

 
ElleNicole replied...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm :
Agreed.
 
Angie.Hudak This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 6:51 pm :
Agreed. I mean, it's deff not terrible. But I think it's the best of what I've read on the website. Shouldn't have been put in the magazine, in my opinion.
 
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NattyPie said...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm:

Did anyone ever think that maybe the grammar is part of the style of the poem?

 

 
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NattyPie said...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm:
I like your style. The words stuck together reminded me of e.e. cummings a little bit. It's brilliant and I love the subject. I totally agree your perspective. Very insightful.
 
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iLuvLife said...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm:
This is really nice; keep up the good work. Hope people read & learn from this. <3
 
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