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Stop The Violence MAG

By Anonymous

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


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This article has 198 comments.

Tornado Misha BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2013 at 11:50 am
Tornado Misha BRONZE, Ng, Other
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
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Honestly, I can't really find anything positive to say... or a way the poem could be improved other than changing the topic entirely. If it were just grammar mistakes or cheesy metaphors, I would be able to add an encouraging note- something which I liked in the poem. But I don't like to lie. I've had the terrible misfortune of knowing people ready  to lie to help my "self-esteem," and that got me nowhere. I thought I was good for a long time and made little effort to improve or change the way I wrote. Every mean comment has helped me ten times more than a comment bearing solely praise has. It may hurt, but don't cushion your comments so much that in the future- when sommeone tells her the truth- she won't be able to recover from that "revelation." I'm not even kidding. The fall will be HARD. Good thing I met a friend who was willing to tell me what was bad in my pieces or I would have remained terrible for a very long time.
writingriver05 SILVER said...
on Aug. 30 2013 at 10:58 pm
writingriver05 SILVER, Boise, Idaho
8 articles 0 photos 28 comments

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"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars."

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I admit your right about constructive criticsm. But there are also things like empathy, tolerance, and self confidence. You cant say that you never felt hurt from a mean comment about a poem that you worked really hard on. And for it to be constructive critiscm (in my opinion) there has to be advice a little positivity. Not just rude comments that will help the writer in no way.
another_sky PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 30 2013 at 6:08 pm
another_sky PLATINUM, Dallas, Texas
31 articles 8 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami

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This poem is terrible. Its cleche and needs major edits. If it was refined, it could be good. If your wondering why it is published in the magazine, its because you guys kept on commenting. Im sure the poet could have done much much better. I think this poem would best be put in a slam format in the future 
Tornado Misha BRONZE said...
on Aug. 30 2013 at 2:01 pm
Tornado Misha BRONZE, Ng, Other
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
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Actually, that just indicates her favourite work which another person wrote. Why she would favourite this, I do not know...
Anon said...
on Aug. 30 2013 at 1:59 pm
She didn't write it. Read the page and her profile carefully first please.
Tornado Misha BRONZE said...
on Aug. 29 2013 at 7:11 pm
Tornado Misha BRONZE, Ng, Other
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
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Ah-ha! Definitely agree with that. :D
Tornado Misha BRONZE said...
on Aug. 29 2013 at 7:09 pm
Tornado Misha BRONZE, Ng, Other
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
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I agree with NG123. I only find a poem impressive when it isn't something that could have been written by a seven year old.
Tornado Misha BRONZE said...
on Aug. 29 2013 at 7:07 pm
Tornado Misha BRONZE, Ng, Other
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
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There's also something called constructive criticism. I'd rather have that than ten comments which all say "loved it." If commentors tell the person what they didn't enjoy, the author may be able to improve next time instead of remainin mediocre. I believe the other reviewer was right. None of the lines struck me as powerful and original. I hope the writer will be able to improve- that's all.
princesse said...
on Jul. 16 2013 at 5:13 pm
I love your article and i also agree with what you wrote. everything rymes so perfectly! :}
sarah98 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 16 2013 at 4:33 pm
sarah98 BRONZE, Holyoke, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 405 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to write for yourself and have no audience than write for your audience and have no self.

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i love the message, but it's kind of choppy and there's a few grammer issues...with a few more drafts, this poem would be fantastic. 3 stars
StarGazer9 GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2013 at 4:31 pm
StarGazer9 GOLD, Marana, Arizona
19 articles 0 photos 79 comments

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"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do."

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Wait, i clicked on your profile and it says you wrote this... are you patting yourself on the back by posting that comment?
StarGazer9 GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2013 at 4:26 pm
StarGazer9 GOLD, Marana, Arizona
19 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do."

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Guys, it's a good poem with a good message. Plus don't just say what's wrong about it, give advice.
writingriver05 SILVER said...
on May. 11 2013 at 1:30 pm
writingriver05 SILVER, Boise, Idaho
8 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars."

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once again this poem is truthful and beautiful dont make it sound like its not
writingriver05 SILVER said...
on May. 11 2013 at 1:27 pm
writingriver05 SILVER, Boise, Idaho
8 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars."

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Wow there Theatergirl these comments are supposed to be positive. (By the way this poem was beautiful keep on writing!)
Gage1121 BRONZE said...
on May. 11 2013 at 12:58 am
Gage1121 BRONZE, Santa Maria, California
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments
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great poem i really like it. if you guys cud please check out mine :)
GilliamLINA said...
on Mar. 8 2013 at 8:21 pm
Houses are expensive and not every person can buy it. Nevertheless, credit loans was created to help different people in such hard situations.
VanityInsanity GOLD said...
on Mar. 8 2013 at 12:03 pm
VanityInsanity GOLD, Augusta, Georgia
11 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
My eyes may be smiling but my heart frowns at me.

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 omg i love tjis. i think the same thing but i dont see aanyone tryna do anythign to stop it.
the ogee said...
on Feb. 26 2013 at 12:25 pm
i loved it
SapphireLamour DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 14 2013 at 4:13 pm
SapphireLamour DIAMOND, Omaha, Nebraska
60 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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Was it meant to have no spaces in between some words or was that a grammar mistake?
Ace007 said...
on Jan. 26 2013 at 4:36 pm
Nice poem. A couple of grammar mistakes need to be corrected, though, and I think the poem's rhyme sceme is a little off (last two lines are different in syllable length). Otherwise, it's alright.