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Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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theatregirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:22 pm:
good idea, but it was very un expressive. Plus, I feel like it an like you did the usauly over use, voilence is not answer poetry trope. It was unorginal, however not the bigest problem. most writing aren't. but on top of being unorginal, it was poorly exucate and boring. Over all this is a first draft, not really a finish product. Reach beyong the norm, and try to do a different spend. But, keep writing.
 
Tornado M. replied...
Aug. 31, 2013 at 11:50 am :
Honestly, I can't really find anything positive to say... or a way the poem could be improved other than changing the topic entirely. If it were just grammar mistakes or cheesy metaphors, I would be able to add an encouraging note- something which I liked in the poem. But I don't like to lie. I've had the terrible misfortune of knowing people ready  to lie to help my "self-esteem," and that got me nowhere. I thought I was good for a long time and made little effor... (more »)
 
writingriver05 replied...
Aug. 31, 2013 at 8:09 pm :
I think your wrong this is a good topic and there is always something positive to say
 
Tornado M. replied...
Sept. 1, 2013 at 9:15 am :
The topics is incredibly trite. I can only imagine how many third-graders have used this topic to write something quick which would satisfy the teacher with a "good message" as you say. It wasn't even done in an interesting way. Just find a few random words which relate to violence. Now, make them rhyme. Third, create the most obvious sentences with them and lastly, add a bunch of grammar mistakes. That's basically what the poem is.  Can any of you ... (more »)
 
writingriver05 replied...
Sept. 2, 2013 at 4:33 pm :
What happened to judging a book by its cover? You have no idea who this person is. You dont have the right to call him a troll. and if you just dug a little deeper I think you would find the message underneath.
 
Tornado M. replied...
Sept. 2, 2013 at 7:05 pm :
*facedesk* One thing I scorn is when someone accuses me for somthing I never said. I have found the message. It's blatantly obvious. Judging a book by its cover? In this case, that would be refusing to read or being prejudiced against a poem which has a plain or ugly cover image and an unappealing title. I have read this poem several times and each one is as dull as the next. -_-' Of course I don't know who he/she is. But I am not judging them. I am judging their ... (more »)
 
writingriver05 replied...
Sept. 3, 2013 at 6:33 pm :
you know what I realized that i dont want to fight with you. I just wanted to do what I thought was right. What i know is right. If that means letting you win the argument then im okay with that. I like to see the best in people. The best in everything so i would like to be the first to say. IM SORRY:)
 
writingriver05 replied...
Sept. 3, 2013 at 6:40 pm :
And by the way when your calling the poem "A Troll" Then dont say "Im pratically convinced he is a troll."
 
Tornado M. replied...
Sept. 4, 2013 at 4:13 pm :
K, sorry for sounding brutal if I did.
 
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sadesdd said...
Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:33 am:
I like this poem because it is something they have seen or lived with their whole life. Sometimes you need a simple poem once in a while to show innocence, and to help others understand. Love it.
 
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NG123 said...
Jul. 31, 2012 at 11:45 am:

I don't understand why this poem was published in the magazine. I'm not a good writer, but even I could have thought up something better.

1. The rhyming was cliched. I've heard "ground" and "down" rhymed together many times. It wasn't even used in an imaginative way. Nothing was particularly interesting about the poem, but at least it was short. I've also heard fancy cars and mentions of jewelry to describe wealth too often, as if that's the only thing the rich buy.

2. How are w... (more »)

 
theatregirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm :
agreed  
 
writingriver05 replied...
May 11, 2013 at 1:30 pm :
once again this poem is truthful and beautiful dont make it sound like its not
 
Tornado M. replied...
Aug. 29, 2013 at 7:09 pm :
I agree with NG123. I only find a poem impressive when it isn't something that could have been written by a seven year old.
 
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BerryKATHERINE said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 7:16 am:
If you are in not good state and have got no cash to get out from that point, you will need to receive the business loans. Just because it would aid you unquestionably. I take financial loan every time I need and feel myself good just because of this.
 
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Maya M. said...
Jun. 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm:

i like this,great idea

 

 
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Meashka_baby said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 9:41 am:
Oh my God this is an AMAZING poem, I've been writing poetry ever sience I could hold a pencle and you can go far with this poetry trust me, I should know :)
 
StarGazer9This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm :
Wait, i clicked on your profile and it says you wrote this... are you patting yourself on the back by posting that comment?
 
Anon replied...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:59 pm :
She didn't write it. Read the page and her profile carefully first please.
 
Tornado M. replied...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:01 pm :
Actually, that just indicates her favourite work which another person wrote. Why she would favourite this, I do not know...
 
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thewriter19 said...
May 26, 2012 at 9:07 am:
In order to become a better writer...you have to give very constructive critism and point out both negitives and positives. Poetry within itself is self expression. But the best poets became the inspiration to future thinkers. By giving dishonost critism it just limits potental
 
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