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Home > All Nonfiction > Breakup Letter

Breakup Letter This piece has been published in Teen Ink's monthly print magazine.

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By Fuocotanzer, Jacksonville, FL
Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated
Photo credit: Esti N., Stamford, CT
Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”
This piece has been published in Teen Ink's monthly print magazine.This piece has also been published in Teen Ink's monthly print magazine.

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This article has 36 comments. Post your own!

kpf1991 said...
yesterday at 11:41 am:

This is very entertaining... i always wanted to be able to create a humor piece but i am just not that funny i guess. If you wouldn't mind could you give me some input on my piece "Close to THE END" ??? i would really appreciate it... again, great job!

 
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Dusing said...
Nov. 11 at 1:28 pm:

This is the most funnyest thing ever!!! It reminds me of something I would do.

 
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IizFrozen said...
Nov. 11 at 1:25 pm:

This was actually really, really, funny when I read it because it reminded me of a friend who plays computer ALOT.

 
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planet42 said...
Nov. 2 at 8:22 pm:

Hahaha i loved it! especially the P.S.!

 
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MindaGS said...
Nov. 2 at 1:50 pm:

Awwwn. That's so sad and FUNNY!
loved it, congrats

 
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Hannah523 said...
Nov. 2 at 9:21 am:

Haha very cute, made me laugh :)

 
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twobirdstone said...
Oct. 11 at 10:48 pm:

cute. very cute.
the ending especially made me smile.

 
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PurpleMidnight said...
Oct. 11 at 4:31 pm:

LOL! This is great, its how I felt too with the internet explorer. This is hilarious, keep writing. =P

 
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Ali.B said...
Oct. 11 at 3:45 pm:

haha! did you get a reply?

 
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elvinchangling55 said...
Oct. 11 at 8:59 am:

i love it !!!!! sooo cleaver! you have a great sense of humour!!!

 
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Passion03 said...
Oct. 11 at 12:14 am:

clever and funny
loved it :]
especially the P.S.

 
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Sammy N. said...
Sep. 19 at 4:14 pm:

haha! That is so funny! :) I love all the screennames ( i have a few myself ) and the PS! haha! i love it!

 
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MayaPapaya said...
Sep. 19 at 1:08 pm:

this is funny , i love it ! it is so true too ,

 
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kingettblue said...
Sep. 19 at 11:45 am:

i just plain out love this!

 
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Mollaballa said...
Aug. 22 at 9:07 pm:

This is very funny and i loved how you summed up how so many ppl feel

 
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Annabelle7614 said...
Aug. 15 at 3:39 pm:

LOL I totally agree with you!

 
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donutyum said...
Aug. 14 at 11:33 pm:

this is slightly coool

 
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loving.him.forever said...
Jul. 31 at 8:38 pm:

random.......lol but good.....funny too (:

 
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practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 13 at 7:35 am:

Best article ever! so funny and so true!

 
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practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 13 at 7:35 am:

Best article ever! so funny and so true!

 
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practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 13 at 7:35 am:

Best article ever! so funny and so true!

 
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Abigail_W said...
Jul. 10 at 11:39 pm:

Mozilla Firefox forever!

 
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LilJ<3 said...
Jul. 8 at 11:38 pm:

This is GREAT! You summed up what about a billion feel every minute they are on windows explorer! Great job again. That was intertaining and grabbed my attention from beginning to end! please keep writting!

 
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pinksage33 said...
Jun. 30 at 4:06 pm:

This is very funny!!! (in a good way)

 
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XxhestersgirlxX said...
Jun. 29 at 7:55 pm:

haha! that is too funny (:

 
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darkatheart14 said...
May 20 at 4:12 pm:

amazing and a half!
you broke his heart lol

 
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Yesenia R. said...
May 12 at 5:06 pm:

Haha. I remember reading this article. :) lol. It is oh so very true how a lot of ppl, teens especially, tend to get addicted to all these websites now and days. =) lol. Great article! Love it. Keep up the good work! (:

 
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PeaceLovePiggy said...
May 6 at 4:47 pm:

Hahahahahaha!! LMBO! Very creative, and I too, have felt this way before, which makes it all teh more funny!

 
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Katie S. said...
Apr. 18 at 1:14 am:

ha i loved it(: It was funny(:

 
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Rebecca24 said...
Mar. 29 at 6:24 am:

Haha, that was lovely. Keep it up :)

 
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Steffnee said...
Mar. 28 at 9:57 pm:

I loved this! (: It was cute and entertaining. Keep writing. :D

 
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ckalani said...
Mar. 27 at 1:11 am:

That was really good. Inspiring! You should wright more! Very entertaining. Check out some of my work and tell me what you think ... please!

 
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Ellie A. said...
Mar. 17 at 5:41 am:

very entertaining!!! I love it!

 
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Burnttoast said...
Mar. 16 at 2:52 pm:

That is amazing. [:

 
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AnAuthenticAuthor2B said...
Mar. 2 at 11:35 pm:

Ha, I loved it! I wish computers could read and understand, because I would want to send them half a dozen of those letters! Great creativity!

 
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tweedle dee said...
Mar. 2 at 2:08 am:

ha ha funny!

 
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