Get Our
Print Magazine

48 pages of creative bliss. Written by teens for teens since 1989.
Subscribe!
See us on Facebook,
MySpace & Twitter
   

Home > All Nonfiction > Breakup Letter

Breakup Letter This piece has been published in Teen Ink's monthly print magazine.

Rate this article:
Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated
Photo credit: Esti N., Stamford, CT
Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”
This piece has been published in Teen Ink's monthly print magazine.This piece has also been published in Teen Ink's monthly print magazine.

Join the Discussion


This article has 60 comments. Post your own!

writergirl13 said...
Mar. 14 at 1:32 pm:

lol!!!!! that was gold!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) hahaha!!!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
wishing4thebest2day said...
Mar. 14 at 11:59 am:

That is amazing! You have a great sense of humor. It was the highlight of my day!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Lisha said...
Mar. 14 at 9:32 am:

A-mazing!
Loved the way you personified the whole thing :) Nice sense of humor :)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
annie_love367 said...
Feb. 20 at 7:30 pm:

Wow, nice letter. I liked it!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
wildflowers said...
Feb. 20 at 4:39 pm:

This was pretty frickin' brilliant.
Kind of made my day.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
magic-esi said...
Feb. 20 at 1:03 pm:

This is hilarious! I feel the same way about my Internet Explorer!
Firefox is awesome... so is Safari.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
This*Lit*Is*Bananas said...
Feb. 20 at 11:27 am:

This is amazing :P This is so funny because it sounds like an actual breakup letter to an actual person xD

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
MayaElyashiv said...
Feb. 20 at 1:27 am:

Hilarious! I've gone through the same thing at least twice :) Couldn't get it to un-install.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Military~sis said...
Jan. 29 at 10:42 pm:

Ha! im not into IE much anymore, i go with firefox nowadays! By the way, loved the letter.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
cass said...
Jan. 29 at 5:11 pm:

lol! i totes laughed out loud! this is hilarious! so good! keep writing!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
TrainManTy said...
Jan. 29 at 1:45 pm:

Hahaha! This article just made my day!
I hate IE too... =) Firefox all the way!

 
TrainManTy replied...
Jan. 29 at 1:45 pm :

That wasn't supposed to rhyme, by the way...

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AwesomeHeather said...
Jan. 29 at 10:58 am:

this is so amazing!
i loved it!
i have a Gateway but without internet..im looking forward to some pretty slow internet here soon!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
tennisislovee34 said...
Jan. 7 at 6:30 pm:

AMAZING! lol

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Roarsach said...
Jan. 7 at 1:26 pm:

Awsome letter!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
goddess_of_the_moon_123 said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 3:25 pm:

So eloquent...so true! My particular pet peeve is when I can't log onto this site; I end up grumpy all day!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Anders said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 10:27 am:

Have you met the new browser? Google Chrome. I should hook you guys up.

 
beautifulworld replied...
Jan. 7 at 8:58 pm :

I love him!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
JonasLover89 said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 9:12 am:

Adorable!
PS: My BF Mozilla Firefox is H-O-T!!!
XD

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
guzpacho said...
Nov. 25, 2009 at 8:47 am:

hahahahhhha "create five new shortcuts" nice!!!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
>!TheyBeShootin!< said...
Nov. 25, 2009 at 8:38 am:

This narrative is friggen hilarious. I am funny too but, I never would have thought of something like this. LOL!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
chelliex65 said...
Nov. 24, 2009 at 7:21 pm:

Loved this. It's funny and so true. :) Keep writing. I love random stories.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Peanutt said...
Nov. 24, 2009 at 5:14 pm:

So creative, I love this kind of spontaneous, randomly inspired, humorous writing style you have! Keep it up

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Kitten111 said...
Nov. 24, 2009 at 12:43 am:

wow your really funny i love your writing style :) u seem like someone id like to get to know

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
kpf1991 said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 11:41 am:

This is very entertaining... i always wanted to be able to create a humor piece but i am just not that funny i guess. If you wouldn't mind could you give me some input on my piece "Close to THE END" ??? i would really appreciate it... again, great job!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Dusing said...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 1:28 pm:

This is the most funnyest thing ever!!! It reminds me of something I would do.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
IizFrozen said...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 1:25 pm:

This was actually really, really, funny when I read it because it reminded me of a friend who plays computer ALOT.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
planet42 said...
Nov. 2, 2009 at 8:22 pm:

Hahaha i loved it! especially the P.S.!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
MindaGS said...
Nov. 2, 2009 at 1:50 pm:

Awwwn. That's so sad and FUNNY!
loved it, congrats

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Hannah523 said...
Nov. 2, 2009 at 9:21 am:

Haha very cute, made me laugh :)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
twobirdstone said...
Oct. 11, 2009 at 10:48 pm:

cute. very cute.
the ending especially made me smile.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
PurpleMidnight said...
Oct. 11, 2009 at 4:31 pm:

LOL! This is great, its how I felt too with the internet explorer. This is hilarious, keep writing. =P

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Ali.B said...
Oct. 11, 2009 at 3:45 pm:

haha! did you get a reply?

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
elvinchangling55 said...
Oct. 11, 2009 at 8:59 am:

i love it !!!!! sooo cleaver! you have a great sense of humour!!!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Passion03 said...
Oct. 11, 2009 at 12:14 am:

clever and funny
loved it :]
especially the P.S.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Sammy N. said...
Sept. 19, 2009 at 4:14 pm:

haha! That is so funny! :) I love all the screennames ( i have a few myself ) and the PS! haha! i love it!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
MayaPapaya said...
Sept. 19, 2009 at 1:08 pm:

this is funny , i love it ! it is so true too ,

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
kingettblue said...
Sept. 19, 2009 at 11:45 am:

i just plain out love this!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Mollaballa said...
Aug. 22, 2009 at 9:07 pm:

This is very funny and i loved how you summed up how so many ppl feel

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Annabelle7614 said...
Aug. 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm:

LOL I totally agree with you!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
donutyum said...
Aug. 14, 2009 at 11:33 pm:

this is slightly coool

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
loving.him.forever said...
Jul. 31, 2009 at 8:38 pm:

random.......lol but good.....funny too (:

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 7:35 am:

Best article ever! so funny and so true!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 7:35 am:

Best article ever! so funny and so true!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 7:35 am:

Best article ever! so funny and so true!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Abigail_W said...
Jul. 10, 2009 at 11:39 pm:

Mozilla Firefox forever!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
LilJ<3 said...
Jul. 8, 2009 at 11:38 pm:

This is GREAT! You summed up what about a billion feel every minute they are on windows explorer! Great job again. That was intertaining and grabbed my attention from beginning to end! please keep writting!

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
pinksage33 said...
Jun. 30, 2009 at 4:06 pm:

This is very funny!!! (in a good way)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
XxhestersgirlxX said...
Jun. 29, 2009 at 7:55 pm:

haha! that is too funny (:

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
darkatheart14 said...
May 20, 2009 at 4:12 pm:

amazing and a half!
you broke his heart lol

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment