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Breakup Letter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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This article has 217 comments. Post your own!

redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm:
How did you get the inspiration for this? It's great!
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 15, 2011 at 2:12 pm :
Well then, in that case, you've got some talent!
 
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424ac said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 12:55 pm:

i use the fastest browser. Opera 11.50

 

faster than chrome

 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 10:15 am :
Haha Chrome didn't even exist when I wrote this, and Opera was still really looked down upon!
 
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Hejlna said...
May 8, 2011 at 9:28 am:
I hate school computers too! Ours are iBook4's going on 7 years! They crash all the time.
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm :
Your school computers are apples? That is...something I have never heard of before. All the schools I've been to are IBM. And they are replaced when they die. Maybe.
 
Hejlna replied...
May 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm :
Yeah. I guess it's pretty cool. All the schools in my city have Apples. Most of them are ancient, but I'm getting a newer one next year.
 
Nolanje80 replied...
Jan. 3, 2012 at 12:48 pm :
yea i agree with you, school computers suck. especially when people are playing games of listening to music when they are supposed to be doing their work. it slows down everyone elses computers and makes everyone mad.
 
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Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:57 am:
Hey hex you are a lovely being yes this is silly
 
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ZalphaNeko said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 8:23 pm:
I use google chrome. It works wonders... *sigh* im obsessed with it. 0.0 :)
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:57 am :
Really? I've yet to try it. I'm on firefox now, and I consider it brilliant.
 
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Hejlna said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm:
Wow! I just got an Apple. I was stuck with Internet Explorer for so long. About time for a break up letter. I loved it!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:58 am :

I've had my mac for almost a year now, and I love it to pieces. Do you use safari? I thought it was a nightmare, so I'm on firefox now.

I'm glad you enjoyed this peice!

 
Jet_plane_number_5 replied...
May 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm :
Macs/Apples Rock! I'm on my MacBook right now and it's awesome! It is 3-5 years old, so it's not too fast, but as you say, I love it to pieces! I hate having to use school computers ~ they're all on Windows Vista and they're these huge black monsters, but I guess they get the job done. I still prefer Apples though!
 
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MadiBird said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm:
This was so funny! I loved it, even though I am currently using Internet "Exploder" XD
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:59 am :
I'm glad you liked it! I wish you the best of luck with explorer, it's easy to upgrade if you want to - and there is a wealth of options!
 
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Powwwah said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 9:10 am:
I think that I know what you are saying. Technology is getting better and better and all our old stuff just is not cool and up to date anymore. Out with the old, In with the new. However there are a few people who treat people how you treated your computer..... They just leave you, forever in the dark, maybe even never seen again....
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:02 am :
Ha, that's not really what I meant. I wrote this two years ago in my 11th class, and it's exacly what it says it is - a break up letter to Internet Explorer, a browser that I have not used since I wrote this. Still, I'd glad you liked it!
 
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Aspiringauhor said...
Mar. 23, 2011 at 6:21 pm:
This was hysterical. Did you really do this and are now using Safari or Mozilla Firefox? Or were you just really mad at your Internet Explorer? :)
 
Zazawish777 replied...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 8:27 am :
omg! this is great. omg lol - please look at mine and rate and comment. 5 stars
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:03 am :
Zazawish777, I am so glad you enjoyed reading it!
 
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