Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Breakup Letter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




Join the Discussion

This article has 223 comments. Post your own now!

TaylorJade said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Omg!! I laughed my head off reading this! (: No offense or anything, it was just funny... I do agree with you though... Internet Explorer was like... my family's favorite child, but. After it killed many of our computers due to ridiculous amounts of viruses, it had to go.

So... yeah. Internet Explorer has been disowned by our family. We have recently adopted Mozilla Firefox, and holy mess! It is amazing!!!! (: I looove it!!! (:

Anyway... this was awesome!! Great job! (:

 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:16 pm

No, that's fine! I intended it to be funny! I'm glad you thought it was!

Haha, my family did the opposite: they used firefox for the remainder of that year, but then I got my own laptop and they went back to internet explorer. I've since moved out, and it's awkward to come home and use the computer now because they still use internet explorer! It's been so long for me, I've forgotten how it works!

 
Kavishg This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 11:58 am
This is great!  I completely agree; nowadays, Internet Explorer is bloated with features and has terrible speed and contracts viruses almost daily.  Firefox, chrome, opera are all better options, depending on your operating system.  Personally, I simply use terminal when I want to view only text-based sites, as it is faster than any of the above combined. 
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm
I don't know about modern-day internet explorer at all! I haven't used it since 2008!
 
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm
How did you get the inspiration for this? It's great!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Honestly, I don't remember. I DO know it was an assignment for class - write a satirical letter - and at the time I was angry at internet explorer. Actually, that's probably it! Thanks for the compliment!
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 15, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Well then, in that case, you've got some talent!
 
424ac said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 12:55 pm

i use the fastest browser. Opera 11.50

 

faster than chrome

 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 10:15 am
Haha Chrome didn't even exist when I wrote this, and Opera was still really looked down upon!
 
Hejlna said...
May 8, 2011 at 9:28 am
I hate school computers too! Ours are iBook4's going on 7 years! They crash all the time.
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Your school computers are apples? That is...something I have never heard of before. All the schools I've been to are IBM. And they are replaced when they die. Maybe.
 
Hejlna replied...
May 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Yeah. I guess it's pretty cool. All the schools in my city have Apples. Most of them are ancient, but I'm getting a newer one next year.
 
Nolanje80 replied...
Jan. 3, 2012 at 12:48 pm
yea i agree with you, school computers suck. especially when people are playing games of listening to music when they are supposed to be doing their work. it slows down everyone elses computers and makes everyone mad.
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:57 am
Hey hex you are a lovely being yes this is silly
 
ZalphaNeko said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I use google chrome. It works wonders... *sigh* im obsessed with it. 0.0 :)
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:57 am
Really? I've yet to try it. I'm on firefox now, and I consider it brilliant.
 
Hejlna said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Wow! I just got an Apple. I was stuck with Internet Explorer for so long. About time for a break up letter. I loved it!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:58 am

I've had my mac for almost a year now, and I love it to pieces. Do you use safari? I thought it was a nightmare, so I'm on firefox now.

I'm glad you enjoyed this peice!

 
Jet_plane_number_5 replied...
May 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Macs/Apples Rock! I'm on my MacBook right now and it's awesome! It is 3-5 years old, so it's not too fast, but as you say, I love it to pieces! I hate having to use school computers ~ they're all on Windows Vista and they're these huge black monsters, but I guess they get the job done. I still prefer Apples though!
 
MadiBird said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm
This was so funny! I loved it, even though I am currently using Internet "Exploder" XD
 
Site Feedback