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Breakup Letter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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ThatGirlOverthere said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

 Thank you so much for coming up with this, I just been through the same recently and I'm still hearthbroken  x)

just kiddin'! your article is really funny and refreshing.

 Hope you are dealing well with that breakup, I'm sure you'll find a new browser in time that will make you very happy!

 
purpleink said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm
so funny! love it!
 
BLCS scholars said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 10:28 am
we really like your writing. its positive, yet intersting. The ideas and Organization are rated a 6/6 ! really good job. keep writing positive things :)
 
Simonesayz said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 9:27 am
Lol love it (:
 
CosmicHorse95 said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 7:18 am
I love this!!! Thank you for writing it!!!
 
Pumpkinscout said...
Sept. 15, 2011 at 11:43 am
This is so funny!!! Good job!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Thank you!
 
videoman360 said...
Aug. 30, 2011 at 11:56 am
cool!!!***!!!$$
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:11 pm
hahaha glad you liked it!
 
wishonastar said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Wow, this is hilarious! My friend and I were laughing our heads off. This is really good, too! On my computer Internet Explorer works really well and is pretty fast. I don't know, maybe you're the lucky one not using it. Who knows.
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Haha, that was my intention!

Well, when I wrote this three years ago, internet explorer was a nightmare! I haven't used it since, so no clue how it works now.

 
andromeda13 said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 9:03 pm
awesome =D
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:14 pm
awe,, thanks!
 
WritingJulia This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 2:47 pm
This is fantastic!!!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:14 pm
You are fantastic! Thanks for reading!
 
TaylorJade said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Omg!! I laughed my head off reading this! (: No offense or anything, it was just funny... I do agree with you though... Internet Explorer was like... my family's favorite child, but. After it killed many of our computers due to ridiculous amounts of viruses, it had to go.

So... yeah. Internet Explorer has been disowned by our family. We have recently adopted Mozilla Firefox, and holy mess! It is amazing!!!! (: I looove it!!! (:

Anyway... this was awesome!! Great job! (:

 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:16 pm

No, that's fine! I intended it to be funny! I'm glad you thought it was!

Haha, my family did the opposite: they used firefox for the remainder of that year, but then I got my own laptop and they went back to internet explorer. I've since moved out, and it's awkward to come home and use the computer now because they still use internet explorer! It's been so long for me, I've forgotten how it works!

 
Kavishg This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 11:58 am
This is great!  I completely agree; nowadays, Internet Explorer is bloated with features and has terrible speed and contracts viruses almost daily.  Firefox, chrome, opera are all better options, depending on your operating system.  Personally, I simply use terminal when I want to view only text-based sites, as it is faster than any of the above combined. 
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm
I don't know about modern-day internet explorer at all! I haven't used it since 2008!
 
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm
How did you get the inspiration for this? It's great!
 
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