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Breakup Letter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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scbylvr said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 11:16 am:
hahaha this is a funny story u should right more like this
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:19 am :

I'm glad you liked it!

Haha, if you knew me, you would know this is how I talk on a daily basis. I'm no longer on Teenink, but if you google "fuocotanzer" all accounts under that name are me. Feel free to drop me a note! I promise I'l reply faster then this!

 
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Keyshawn The Egg said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 10:24 am:
I don't get it. You were going out with the internet? Need more description!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:21 am :
This was a satire letter I wrote, parodying how much trouble I was having with my current browser. Even though I'm replying super late, i hope that clears things up for you!
 
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lamicheal said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 10:22 am:
i didnt understand this topic at all. i think you needmore details
 
Katie1234 replied...
Oct. 20, 2010 at 8:14 am :
People often have more of a relationship with their internet than they do with PEOPLE. And sometimes those people are subjected to viruses that waste their money. And then they have to break up (get rid of) their internet provider.
 
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itsmaddieeeeeee said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 10:15 am:
This just made my day. This was so funny and I'd love to hear something as funny as this again!
 
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ThatClarinetPersonThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 28, 2010 at 7:23 pm:

aww. poor internet explorer :'(

lol

 
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TuesdayGril This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm:
HAHA! Thats awesome! I love funny writings. :) great.
 
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Eatfoodzap said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 4:55 pm:
That is so cute. It's written in just the same way as those over dramatic breakup scenes, but with the Internet...Hilarious! ^_^
 
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DaydreamBeliever This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 2:48 pm:
screw PC. Mac for the win.
 
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mimirocks124 said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 12:22 pm:
llmao!!! this is very funny very comically written
 
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DifferentTeen said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 3:48 pm:

Very funny piece, I enjoyed it a lot.

And if you think Windows Internet Explorer is slow, try having dialob(or however you spell it) with AOL haha.

 
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copper~lemon~drop said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 3:29 pm:
LOL! This is just too funny! I LOVE it.
 
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FairyTaleEnding said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 12:56 pm:
the most epic breakup ever. lol :)
 
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loversinjapan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 12:37 pm:
Hilarious and unique. LoVeD iT!
 
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Sarbear This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 10:55 am:
this is so unique--very nice :)
 
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Rizzo said...
Aug. 15, 2010 at 9:46 am:
this is really smart and creative. i love it!
 
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renegade94 said...
Jul. 24, 2010 at 7:40 am:
I am breaking up with my Vaio right now, I'm getting married with an Apple next monday!!
 
Ashlee S. replied...
Sept. 28, 2010 at 10:23 am :
Congratulations!!! Can I be your maid of honor!!! (Lol, that was weirdXD)
 
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