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Breakup Letter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Aspiringauhor said...
Mar. 23, 2011 at 6:21 pm:
This was hysterical. Did you really do this and are now using Safari or Mozilla Firefox? Or were you just really mad at your Internet Explorer? :)
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:03 am :
Zazawish777, I am so glad you enjoyed reading it!
 
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PerfectMGymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm:
This was really funny!! great job!! :)
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:03 am :
I'm glad you liked it!
 
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OsakaSun said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 7:47 pm:
Haha that made me laugh out loud...only a true writer can  make you do that.
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:04 am :
Thank you so much!
 
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WillowFalls This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 5:48 pm:
Hahaha :) I love this! I hope my computer takes a hint from this...
 
Basketball23This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 6:53 pm :
My thoughts EXACTLY!!!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:05 am :
Haha, I'm glad the two of you enjoyed reading it!
 
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The_mango said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 3:58 pm:
I broke up with IE months ago. Now I'm in a relationship with Opera!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:06 am :

It's been...a long time for me. Three years since I wrote this letter, and we had an on and off relationship for a while...but now firefox and i are going steady, and I think will stay that way for a long time.

How are you and Opera doing together?

 
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MetallixRose said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 3:21 pm:
Haha! This was really funny! I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:07 am :
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I'm terribly sorry I left you hanging for over a month.
 
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WriterChar said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 3:21 pm:
This was a very creative way to prove your point! Keep up the amazing work!
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:07 am :
Thank you so much!
 
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StarStrukk said...
Feb. 8, 2011 at 1:31 pm:
This is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life. way to go
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:08 am :
You're making me blush! No, really! Thank you so, so much!
 
StarStrukk replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm :
 LOVE IT!!!! :))))))
 
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HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 11:05 am:
yes totally!  explorer just gives me so many problems.  i tried firefox, but i don't like it that much, so now i have google chrome.  so much better.  great article!  :)
 
Fuocotanzer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 11:08 am :
Each to their own! Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
 
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Behind_Blue_EyesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 16, 2011 at 5:42 pm:
i love this!! i see exactly where ur coming from!
 
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